I know blogs are supposed to be in chronological order, but I’m writing today about something that happened last week.
What? It’s MY gotdamn blog. If you don’t like it, you can getthefuckout(to paraphrase Eddie Murphy’s dad on “Raw”).
Last week, I had a life-changing experience teach me a valuable lesson. Sometimes you really do have to buy name brand shit. The generic versions of stuff will not always get you by.
For years, when I’d buy grocery and household stuff, I’d always get the cheapest version of a product that will still get the job done. Sometimes I’d slurge and get the “Downy” fabric softener instead of the “Xtra Fresh” store brand…but most of the time I wouldn’t care. Thafuck I need some $2 Bounty paper towels with floral patterns on them, when I can get the Giant brand for like 75 cents. So the paper towels will be a little thin and crispy…Who cares. It’s not like I was going to wipe my ass with them(unless I ran out of el-cheapo toilet paper and was in dire straits).
So last week, a lot of rainstorms came through the area. I was prepared, though. I had my umbrella that I bought at the value store for $1.50. I felt like the man, beacause everywhere else in town wanted at least $8 for one of those compact umbrellas.
When the rain hit, I put up the umbrella and was chillin. Not a drop got on me. I was c-walking on Mother Nature’s face. “ON TOP OF THE WORLD, BABY!!!” Dryer than a sonofabitch.
So when the rain stopped, I tried to put the umbrella down, and upon doing so, half of the little thin metal rods holding the thing together snapped and popped loose. On the other side, one decided to stay up and poked a hole in the top of the umbrella. Of course, as soon as this happened, the rain picked up again. I had to think fast. My almost made it to Boy Scouts/Ghetto MacGuyver instints set in. I opened what was left of the floppy remains of my umbrella, took out some tape(thank God I chose that day to steal office supplies with my gym bag), and ripped off a branch from a nearby tree and temporarily fixed the wobbly side and hole. I made it two blocks with that contraption before it fell apart and I got rained on again…LOL.
So the lesson from this, my bargain shopper readers: You just can’t buy generic alternatives to certain items. Here is a list of a few things that I recommend you don’t short change yourself on:
Umbrellas – See story above
Shoes – Because I will make fun of you if you wear a pair of skips around me.
Deodorant – Buy a name brand, especially since it’s the Summertime.
Underwear – Again, if I see a woman wearing bloomer panties around me, I’m clowning you even if you are sexy.
There are more thing to add to this list, but I am stopping it here because I am hungry and a McDonalds Steak Egg & Cheese bagel is calling my name from down the street. I hope you all have a great day, and thanks for reading.
P.S. LEAVE COMMENTS! I like knowing more than 2 people look at this thing. Thanks :)
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You are hella funny! HELLA! I was having a bad day but you put a big ass smile, laugh, and anything else that shows fun on my face. You’re on my daily to do list now.
LMAO Thank you.. your misery brightened my morning
:-) “Elle”
Sig Said:
First off – you are ill! Duck tape and a tree branch? Lol…that’s some funny ish man! But you should NEVER EVER buy off brand condoms. You know, you think it’s cute to buy a random condom with a French Tickler on the end. THOSE ARE NO FUN!!! And I might add…Trojans, never Lifestyles. Heck, I feel an entry coming on. That deserves a dedication all to it’s own.
Yeah, cheap condoms are for the birds. I have a story about that, but I’ll save it for another blog entry LOL.
Yeah…I stick to the proven favorites. Durex Extra Thin(suprisingly resistant to breakage), Magnums, and Trojans with the extra lubrication(I forgot what color package they are, since I haven’t gotten any in awhile).
haha@ u mentiongin durex condomns…them somma biches always failed for me… but anywhoo.. you are just too cute… nigga rigging an umbrella… and why i get the nerve up imma use the #..
Sexual-B…
I ran across your link on my girl Signomifly’s diary. You have me rollin with the things you say. But don’t forget to NEVER ever buy cheap condoms lol. If ya feel the need… check me out at…
http://sexual-b.diaryland.com/index.html
Ok, it’s settled. I’m adding you to my dailies. You have me rolling.
Aw my god Leon you are a fool! I know the people in the other offices are wondering why I got my door closed, sitting in my office laughing and crying! I’m sitting here at work, chillin because my boss is out of the office for the next two weeks (& yeah I got work to do, but I’ll get to it when I get to it, lol). Anyway way, I faithfully read your blog, however, I didn’t get turned on to it until this year. So I decided to hit your archive and I haven’t stopped laughing. Then I got a nice lil buzz, so I’m trippin’ big time. You are hilarious. And the trip part is, you’re talking about everyday stuff that happens to everyday people. That’s why I love reading your blog. Please keep up the good work. You really should get into script writing for movies or sitcoms.
yeah there are lot of cheap stuffs that you can buy on e-bay these days including those made in china stuffs ‘
the internet is always the source of cheap stuffs, you can buy cheap electronics, cheap softwares and other stuffs ,~”
hey, nice to read
“,. I am really thankful to this topic because it really gives up to date information :;~