Open Letter To Jennifer Aniston
Posted by ListenToLeon on
January 11, 2005
Say baby…I hear you’re single these days. I know you’re hurting, but I want to ease that pain. Yeah, that’s right…I’m offering you the opportunity to do the rebound thing with me.
I know I’m not on the financial level of the men you’re used to dating, but it’s 2005. These days, more and more celebrities are marrying broke-ass nobodys, backup dancers, weed peddlers and other such average guys. At least you’ll be able to have a writer/artist on your arm. I’d be like the male version of Yoko Ono or some shit.
Also, I’ll go ahead and admit it. Brad Pitt is one of the 4 people on Earth that I’ll openly concede women find(GASP) better looking than me. But since you’ve already been there/done that, why not give me a try? I’m telling you girl…My wang is of the superior variety. You’ll be happy you made that choice. I will make love to your mind and skeet sunshine all over your soul. Do not deny yourself such pleasurable pleasure.
Now that I’ve laid my cards out on the table, I’ll be awaiting your call. I would put my phone number up here for you, but I think that I’d get all kinds of prank phone calls from people claiming to be you. So hit me up at HustlemanL77@yahoo.com and let me mend your broken heart.
Hustleman
Seriously, “Office Space” was my shit. So was “Friends”…So if Jennifer Aniston actually did offer to fly me out to LA to go with her to Roscoes Chicken & Waffles, I’d be on the next flight out.
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20 Responses to “Open Letter To Jennifer Aniston”
“I will make love to your mind and skeet sunshine all over your soul”…what woman could resist such a wonderful offer?
P.S. Having a superior wang doesn’t hurt either! *wink*
rock
P.S.S Do you think Jen still has her “flair”? LOL
By tamrock on Jan 11, 2005
LOL, you’re so funny!
By FallenAngel on Jan 11, 2005
Can’t remember the last time I had sunshine skeeted on my soul. . . damn I’m slippin in my pimpin. . .lol!
By Shana on Jan 11, 2005
LMAO @ you!!!! OMG lil leon acting da fool.. just take her to Stan’s ;)
By Anonymous on Jan 11, 2005
Dammit, Tam beat me to the quote…LOL…I wonder what skeeted sunshine feels like…I have to say that my soul has seriously missed out.
By LB on Jan 11, 2005
Now that was a funny letter. If you end up at Roscoe’s with Jen don’t forget to order the mac and cheese. Its really good.
By E to the dwige on Jan 11, 2005
Who are the other 3 men better looking than you?
Skeet sunshine …. sick. So sick. lol
By Mary on Jan 11, 2005
I’m sure she read this and is right now considering the ramifications of having a hot-sexxxy you on her arm. Stay by your phone. She’s bound to call. And whatchall know bout Stan’s. Not Stan’s in DC, in the basement on the corner. Not Stan’s with the always steaming hot chicken wings.
By Kajuana on Jan 11, 2005
Yep…THAT Stan’s…LOL
By Hustleman on Jan 11, 2005
Dude you are great man….I wanted to send a similar type missive to Tatyana Ali after Jonathan Brandis died…but a chick talked me out of it….
By The Killa Himself aka Ron Mexico on Jan 12, 2005
I’m so with you on this one. Jennifer Aniston is SO one of the white women I’d bring home to mom and pop. And anybody who would have beef could kiss my ass. Her, Charlize Theron (African-American, no???), Jennifer Love Hewitt, Hillary Duff (when she turns 18…make that 21), Lindsay Lohan, that doofy ass chick that looked kind of orange in Mean Girls that was friends with the evil chick, and Mandy Moore. White Girls I’d Bring Home to Mama!!!
By Panama on Jan 12, 2005
This is kinda off the topic, but I live in DC and sadly…I don’t know anythings about Stan’s.
Please, someone, enlighten me…
By gbe on Jan 12, 2005
I would tell you that you’re wrong for this – but I think you already know that.
By girlwonder on Jan 13, 2005
SELL OUT!!!
By Resha on Jan 13, 2005
“skeet sunshine all over your soul” ROTFLMAO!!!!i think i speak for ALL woman when i say, “uuhhh yeah ….just watch my eyes”……(bad bad *slapping my writsts*)
ps the angry black woman’s coalition against brothas with white broads (A.B.W.C.A.B.W.W.B) has just adjourned….it has been decided that jennifer aniston is accepatble (second only to Angelina Joile—because she is crazy enough to be a sista!!!!)
By Shan on Jan 13, 2005
LMAO @ Shan’s comments…yep, Angie Jo does have some sista in her…I guess, Jenny is ok, but any one of them other “Friends,” hell no.
By LB on Jan 13, 2005
You ain’t got no sense…Hey I changed a few things around on the page…Come check it out and tell me what you think…Like or dislike…You know…Well I’ll keep you posted
By G. Cornelius Harris on Jan 14, 2005
Yes, who are the other 3 men?
By the kid on Jan 14, 2005
Any man confident enough to talk about their wang…gets a thumbs up from me, lol. :)
By Dayrell on Jan 15, 2005
ROFLMAO… that is so hilarious.
There are only a handful of white men I would consider giving the offer to. Hmmm… and Brad Pitt is actually one of them. He’s been number one on my list of white boys since Legends of the Fall *swooning* Hmmph… maybe it’s time for me to write a letter… Angelina Jolie?? Please, she’s a crazy bitch. Plus after that dalliance with Robin Givens, I know he’s willing to do the swirl… once I lose 10 pounds, I might write a letter of my own. LOL
By Zantiferous3 on Jan 15, 2005