The funniest thing happened to on the train today.
I know this is starting out like a stand-up comedy monologue, but bear with me and my lame intro for a bit.
Well, on the train, I struck up conversation with this beautiful lady who was out with her daughter. The little girl was probably the most adorable child I’ve ever seen(that isn’t in my family and in possesion of the good “Leon’s Family” genes). We talked for awhile about movies and stuff, when these two loud guys sat over across from us reciting wack rap lyrics they obivously tried to write themselves. They were a couple of teenage asswipes who looked like they just snuck out of school or something.
Well, asswipe one had a horrible overbite. This came to my attention when the 4 year old started staring at him and saying “He looks like Donkey!” in reference to the donkey in “Shrek.” So me and Fine Ass Mommy had to turn away from them cause we were both laughing hard as shit. After awhile, their stop came, and I let them go on about their business since the mommy had already told me to come by her night job where she bartends next week.
At that point, a huge crowd entered the train. People are scrambling for seats, and the hip hop donkey and his friend had run out of rhymes or something because they got quiet. So as the train pulled off, there were two people left looking for seats in the aisle and there happened to be a seat right next to me. One was a pretty girl with a Howard University jacket. The other was this obviously drunken 40-ish guy wearing somewhat tight Lee jeans, a big pair of Lou Gosset Jr. aviator glasses and the ashiest leather jacket I have ever seen.
Guess who decided to sit next to me?
Yep, the throwback negro with the 1984 apparel. He did nothing but mumble “It’s too many people…I ain’t got no room.” under his breath. Like I really wanted to sit next to that corny motherfucker. It took willpower for me to refrain from telling him to shut the fuck up and put some lotion on that ashy-ass leather coat. For real, it looks like he wore that shit in the shower, blow dryed it, then rolled around on some gravel for 20 minutes. I REALLY should have said something along those lines.
Ok. Let me stop bullshitting. I didn’t tell him that because I didn’t think it was worth it. I could have told him that…we’d have argued…I’d have slapped those cheap-ass liquor store shades off his face…And so on and so forth. I just didn’t feel that I had anything to gain from it. Factor in that he was alredy drunk and probably immune to the pain that a bitch slap would inflict on a sober face, and I just decided to tune him out and start reading the paper.
Ah well…another day riding the DC Metrorail system.
LMAO @ “For real, it looks like he wore that shit in the shower, blow dryed it, then rolled around on some gravel for 20 minutes.”
Shyt, I need to go and check my leather jacket….lol.
LMAO…I’m mad that his coat was ashy…ya’ll train can’t be worse than the CTA (Chicago) El. He should’ve rubbed it down with some vaseline like my grandma use to rub on my brother’s and I face when we were little talking about “It’ll make you go to sleep”. All that does is make your eyes heavy because you can’t open them with all the vaseline on them. I’ve never understood that to this day.
DAMMIT. I wish you still had your camera phone.
LMAO! I was just commenting on Christen’s blog that I miss riding the DC metro and the DC buses just for moments like this.
“the hip-hop donkey and his friend”!! LMAO. I’m mad the little girl even had to call him out. He must have looked pretty bad!
Mot the “hip hop donkey” roflmao…whew lawd, I miss Metro already!
You have a very cool blog! I have a horse related site. It pretty much covers all horse related stuff. Check it out if you get any free time.
Best Regards,
Martin