Mother F-ckers
Posted by ListenToLeon on
April 12, 2005
Today’s entry may actually be even worse than the one I wrote about the dead celebrities. It begins with a simple question for the fellas:
How many of you are Motherfuckers?
Seriously, how many of you have had sex with women who already had a kid(or kids) when you met her? Meeting a woman with kids can be like a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you know that the odds of you getting some ass are higher since she puts out(or at least she did before). On the other hand, there are drawbacks to doing it to someone in this situation. Let’s take a look at a hypothetical situation here…
Say you’re a guy named Leon…um, I mean, Tito. You meet this sexy lady with a little 6 year old son, and you stop by and hang out at her house one night. About a week or two later, you catch her at a house party, sans child and inhibitions. Youre both drunk, and you end up at her place. Once you get there, you realize that maybe you were a little more drunk than you first thought. You kiss her…Everything else is a blur.
It’s the next morning, and you’re waking up in some strange bed butt ball naked. You look over and see a couple of used Magnums…Then you look over on the other side and see that sweet sexy thang that you apparently had all kinds of sex with but don’t remember shit. Then, you are greeted by a dilemma. It’s about 10AM on Saturday, and you have shit to do. Only problem is, the lady’s kid is in the front room watching SpongeBob Squarepants eating a bowl of the fake Lucky Charms that come in the plastic bag.
You want to leave, but there is no way you can make it past the little kid without him seeing you leaving his momma’s room. Imagine having to walk past the kid all of the sudden and having him ask something awkward..
Kid: “What are you doing here?”
Tito: “Your momma. Stay out of grown folks’ business.”
See, that’s where consciense comes in. I can’t be the one to fuck up that kid’s head like that. Even after all the fucked up shit I write about on here…I draw the line at being mean to the kids. Hustleman is for the children. Unless they’re bad children with no home training. Even still…I don’t want to have the young’un KNOW I just literally rolled over off of his momma. That can’t be good for his self-esteem.
So to all the mothers with kids…Don’t think that I am trying to say that I won’t go out with you, cause if I like you, I will…Also, don’t think that I’m saying that y’all shouldn’t have sex, cause obviously, if I like you I will do that with you, too. The actual moral of the story is, think about the kids. And to all the actual real-life Motherfuckers reading this, have some damn respect. That is all.
20 Responses to “Mother F-ckers”
As usual, this was laugh out loud funny….
Duly noted sir….
By The Killa Himself aka Ron Mexico on Apr 12, 2005
LOL!!
And one more thing… to the mamma’s out there: please notify men of the escape route should the kid be up watching Power Rangers.
By The Brutha Code on Apr 12, 2005
Kid: “What are you doing here?”
Tito: “Your momma. Stay out of grown folks’ business.”
HAAA! That shit was too damn funny.
By Will on Apr 12, 2005
Leon, Leon, Leon…..you never cease to amaze me!!! YOU(yeah we all know it was you)should have woke her ass up and made her go distract the kid!!!!
Also, LOL at Killa adding the AKA Ron Mexico to his name. That has to be the dumbest alias in history. Why didn’t his just use DeAndre Smith or something??….LMAO
By Tamara on Apr 12, 2005
everybody’s on point. her ass (sore or not) shoulda distracted her kid so you could bounce. or better yet, shoulda put you out after the nut…. i’m sayin dawg, who lets the sport fuck sleep over!?
By Furious on Apr 12, 2005
LMAO dude! You’re one funny dude.
At least the kid didn’t jump into the bed with you guys.
By E to the dwige on Apr 12, 2005
just proves my point…. sagittarians are the devil! but the retort to the kids question was damn funny!!!
By jirzygurl on Apr 12, 2005
@ Tamara,
I said it was hypothetical…LOL
and I too am LMAO @ Killa’s new alias. RON MEXICO!?!? That’s hilarious
By Hustleman on Apr 13, 2005
Tsk.
I’m lucky because a) I have a LD (L-ong D-istance) relationship and b) I have joint custody. My son is 11 and I’ve never had a man stay over when he’s here.
But he DID find my v….. Never mind. I’ve said too much.
Go out the window next time you, you Mom F-er! ;)
By Mary on Apr 13, 2005
everyone has pretty much said all that needs to be said on this matter, but i have a question to ask you since you seem to be a person of knowledge.
i JUST left the restroom at work, and was offended/pissed off by the goings on in there. while brushing my teeth (i had some rice and beans that left the breath a little tart, but that’s another story), a guy came out of the stall and proceeded to wash his hands. he turned off the water, and i remember thinking that wasn’t enough time to get any residuals off of his hands, when he did the ’slight shake before you go dry your hands with paper towels’. during the shake, some of his water landed on my hand, and i was so grossed out i almost threw up. would i have been wrong if i had beaten him until he was just a whisper of his former self? this is the question that i ask you.
thanks.
esmoore
By Anonymous on Apr 13, 2005
Leon, uh, I mean Tito doesn’t have to worry. If he brought the mother home from a party and had hot monkey sex with her, he’s probably not the first to have to do the walk of shame past the kid siting in the livingroom. The kid is probably already messed up. All Tito’s being there would do is add another therapy session on to the kids already needed 24 sessions.
By Kajuana on Apr 13, 2005
i hate to break it you hustle, um..uh i mean to tito, but if HE was too drunk off his ass to remember the sex-capades, then its no telling what the kid witnessed without HIS knowledge….the kid prob caught moms ass up in the air and all undetected, or at least heard the rukus…but, you tried!!HUSTLE LOVES THE KIDS!!
i had to swear off men with kids. extra drama is a given, but its just something i prefer to share with my husband for the first time, together!!
By Shan on Apr 14, 2005
Leon, this post was too damn funny…
As a mother of a 5 year old, I can honestly say I have never brought a man home to my house for some late night or even daytime action. If I’m not serious with a guy, my daugthter does NOT need to see him. Personally, I think any woman that lets a child meet any guy she’s playing “hide the sausage” with is nuts. Kids shouldn’t be subjected to figuring out why Mommy has a million um, boyfriends.
So…I say, any woman with kids should keep the bedroom business OUTSIDE the bedroom (in her house, that is). Take it to the telly, take it to ol’ dude’s crib…just don’t bring it home for your kid to see. That’s just nasty.
I’m glad you didn’t tell the little man anything that would’ve left him scarred for life…but I’m sure seeing you there was enough to do it.
By Miss Rei on Apr 14, 2005
lmao…that is all.
By Liza Valentino on Apr 14, 2005
Tito? Sex with baby mama? Kid in living room watching cartoons while Tito lies in the other room butt ass naked, 3 ft way from kids’s bowl of fake Lucky’s?
Damn?
Well Tito sure had himself a night. Lmao!
By Dayrell on Apr 15, 2005
This entry had me cracking up. Like always the post was on point. Keep the stories rolling.
By Dina on Apr 17, 2005
Kajuana said what I wanted to say: the kid is probably use to it by now. He probably just glances up to see if its a repeat offender then goes back to Spongebob.
I laughed out loud though. Thanks!
By Black Ambition on Apr 17, 2005
im a single mom too…finding a dude that is decent enough for my situation aint easy…hence the my being single…most of em just cant handle it
By Peach on Aug 17, 2006
LMAO!!! Tito’s response is HI-larious!!!
Note to all the single moms out there: I know you need to get your freak on just like everybody else, but PLEASE, don’t bring the freak back to your house if your kids are there!! PLEASE! I beg of you!!
*this message was brought to you by a Jaded NYer who unfortunately met EVERY dude her mom “dated”…*
By TQB on Nov 6, 2007