Dear Readers,
As a concerned member of society, I feel it is my duty to start an online petition that will make the world a better place to live in. I have labeled it:
THE ANTI-STANK BILL
The purpose of this bill is to provide deodorant to those who need it, and to rightfully punish those who walk around smelling like a combination of foot, ass, onions and rusted steel. This was inspired by a guy in a white tank top whose unGodly underarm funk yesterday literally brought tears to my eyes.
No bullshit. His smell made my eyes water. It was THAT bad.
To keep other folks from being subjected to shit like that, I say every person who leaves their home must be required to have either put on deodorant or washed their ass at some point in the day before they enter the public. If a person is found in violation of Anti-Stank Legislation, then they should get a big red stamp placed on their forehead that reads “STANK ASS MOTHERFUCKER” so that folks can see it and know ahead of time to cross to the other side of the street or run away to avoid the stench.
So to all those who may be unaware of their smell, this paragraph is dedicated to you. ALWAYS WASH YOUR ASS. It’s amazing the type of odor that can come from something the size of a dime, or a quarter, or a baseball(or whatever size your bootyhole is). This definitely goes for underarms, too. Back of the ears, also. Feet as well. Fellas, scrub your balls. Ladies, practice feminine hygene, because a stankin snatch can scar a man for life. If you have big-uns, wash under your titties. They sweat just like everything else.
To all of my clean readers, forward this link to your local congressman. I want cleanliness to become a movement that sparks reform nationwide. Plus, the summer’s coming. Funk + heat = A horrible experience for all parties involved.
P.S., to the stank ass readers…don’t think that you can hide the funk with cologne or put on deodorant without washing first. Layering cologne or deodoerant over funk is not a solution, it only adds to the problem.
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LMAO!!!
I’d like to propose you add a halitosis clause onto the bill. A toothbrush and listerine shold be used prior to leaving the house and a pack of gum or mints should be available at all times during the day.
This bill is indeed necessary.
I won’t call names, but a friend of mine confided in me that over the weekend they shared a hotel room with another person who didn’t bathe the ENTIRE weekend. Said stank person all threw up on himself after a drunken night out on the town and STILL didn’t shower THAT filth off. Not only does he need a stamp, his ass needs to be arrested. Lock these stank mofos UP. They don’t need to be a party of the society who deems hygiene a necessity.
Totally agree with Nia about the halitosis. Leon, you are nut, but on point. Good topic, especially when the weather starts warming up. I will forward this link to my local congressman. ;). Also will keep a couple of those stamps handy.
L-O-L!!!
Good bill, though…
You got my vote! NASTY! LMAO at you, as always!
LOL…. with summer around the corner, muhfuckas will need to heed this shyt, fa real.
I don’t undertstand these species of people who joke about not bathing for 2-3 days. They’re like “oops!! I just lost track of time!!” that shit ain’t funny.
amen.
Dead!!!
I’d be the first to carry around a roll of those red stickers and casually post them on the foreheads of the offenders.
I like your new cute pic. Now you look like a real shit talker.
Amen. Regarding the extra bo folks-that Needed to be said since the weather is getting warmer. But what about the sneaky farters? I was standing in cashier’s line at the fabric store and an Indian woman let one go. Everybody stayed cool but since I was pissed about being in the slow-azz line, I almost lost it. I could only gave her an evil glare.
So what you’re saying is Cool Water doesn’t hide the swealtering funk of summer? Man, I wish you had been able to pitch this idea while I was in college. I swear I knew a few folks who had the smell of working the cotton fields for harvest season.
Amen, Leon, AMEN! Anyone who bathes in cologne, perfume, or body spray as opposed to BATH WATER needs to be shot!
Nigga you crazy…I’ll keep you posted
This legislation is so needed in my end of the world. My fat assed slag of a flatmate did a shit the other day and it must of got stuck in one of those folds of lard around her ass as she smelt like an open sewer for the whole fucken day
This is enough feedback to make this piece of legislature a reality. Folks, email this post to your local congressman, ASAP!
And would someone PLEASE invent a douche or “ball dip” for men! Damn! Sometimes that shit kind smell ferocious, like you’ve been playing -b-ball, fucking, and shitting all day! Yuck! Oh and sometimes when we do down on you, just remember your a-hole may not be as close to your genatalia as ours, but still, the stench does often rise and it is very very unpleasant. With that said, wash you ass and dip your balls! Thanks! Thank God I’ve only experienced this twice! Yuck!
Sweetcncrgrl