Dry Humped On The Green Line
Posted by ListenToLeon on
May 17, 2005
Not sure if I told this story before, and I’m even more unsure if the world really needs to know this…
Hell, you all know enough crazy things about me by now to know that I don’t embarass easily. That said, I shall tell the story of my adventure one morning going to work taking the metro rail Green Line.
It was a nice summer day back in 2002. I was running a tad bit behind my usual time arriving at work, but was in no rush at all. The only drawback of my arrival time at the metro station was that at that point every day it got realy crowded on the Green Line. Since I lived right near a Green Line station at the time, it didn’t make sense to travel to another station to avoid the rush…Plus traffic was a bitch everyday out there.
So the train arrives, and as I anticipated, it was really crowded. I ended up standing between a wall on the rail car and between this lady with a red dress on. I smiled at her as I got on and said something along the lines of “This is what I get for oversleeping” or something to that effect. She smiled and said one of the standard responses from the hoodrat handbook, “I know that’s right.”
I can’t lie..the red dress lady was kinda cute. She was a couple hamburgers across the thick/fat line, but she wasn’t too far gone. Plus, her booty made up for the little bit of excesses everywhere else.
Initially, I was just in a zone, thinking about nothing but work. So as the train gets more and more crowded, she backs up on me more and more. Eventually, she backs that thang up on me, and I realize that she’s begun swaying side to side gently. At first I thought “What the fuck?!? This chick is dry humping me on the Green Line!?!?”
Then, I started feeling a little…tingly. That shit started to feel gooder than a motherfucker.* Leon Jr. jr was wide the fuck awake…To the point that I had to cover my shit with my work portfolio when I got off the train so as not to draw attention to the boner. I really wish I didn’t have to switch lines at Gallery Place, because I bet if I had stayed on there and actually talked to her, she would have broken me off something TERRIBLE. I’m sure if random gropage felt that good, she probably has incredible tang. I’m talking Snatch of Legend. I might be writing about toe curling, fantastic sex right now as opposed to getting groped by a stranger in public and actually kinda liking it.
Now, to all of you impressionable readers, I do not, repeat, DO NOT recommend that you try this. That’s an easy way to catch a case, or get the shit beat outta you. Besides, it’s rather…trampish. The only time groping strangers is acceptable these days is on the dancefloor, preferably after both parties have been drinking.
* note: I know that “gooder” is not a word, but felt so tingly and sparkly and magnificent that I had to use a word that does not exist to describe how horny I got…I was such a hebitchmanslutwhore that day.
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34 Responses to “Dry Humped On The Green Line”
Totally off topic:
Were you by any chance at Pulp On The Hill on Sunday afternoon…around 4? I swear I saw someone that looked like you there…
By gbe on May 17, 2005
Thanks 4 the story Leon…. Did you ever go to F-burg?
By Z..E..H..A..R..A.. on May 17, 2005
Funny as heck…as usual!
By Shana on May 17, 2005
She didn’t give you a look? Just started rocking back and forth? lol!
By E to the dwige on May 17, 2005
it was me, I’m sorry I had to break it to you this way. but no hard feelings.
By vagitis on May 17, 2005
I do believe you were Dry Raped in public! lolololololol
By DimpledGemini on May 17, 2005
LMAO. . . this was too funny. . .and damned if I knew the statement “I know that’s right” was in the hoodrat handbook. . .lol. . .I say that shit too much. . .but I got mine from the southern baptist lil ol lady with the big hat that sits in the front pew handbook. . .lmao
By Shana on May 17, 2005
errr, wow. that was pretty audacious if i have to say so myself. it’s enough to send a man into delousions about how spectacular the sex would be *snicker* not that i blame her for her actions tho.
By Furious on May 17, 2005
First time visitor, just wandering around blogville and happend upon your site here. I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog!!! You are a very funny man:)
Hope you don’t mind if I put your link on my page, I want to come back for more….
By thequeen on May 18, 2005
Damn Leon…I never knew dry sex could be so…GOOD! LOL…
By Miss Rei on May 18, 2005
See, this is just why my ass never rides the train. It’s too much going on. Too many people all cramped up together.
By Kajuana on May 18, 2005
How about my boss says “gooder” and “gooderer” quiet often! LMAO
By MsThing on May 18, 2005
Your ass…
I am think I am going to have to start calling you Deuce because you really are a manwhore.
Not that anything is wrong with that.
By Hassan on May 18, 2005
WTF???(shaking my head) dayum green line is turing into the penthouse!!!
By Shan on May 18, 2005
Ahh, the fine art of dryhumping..lol Good post.
By The Humanity Critic on May 18, 2005
I heard that was an everyday thing in NYC.
By wannabe_ceo on May 18, 2005
the innocence of dry humping… oh life as a youth in nyc
i miss trains..
great story . funny as hell
By Brother OMi on May 18, 2005
Is this why you dry humped me? LMAO
I need a blog!!
By Tamara on May 18, 2005
She knew what she was doing! Looked like it worked. She was disappointed when you got off the train too!
By Jez Chill on May 18, 2005
LMAO@a couple hamburgers across the thick/fat line. *shaking head then wondering where I fall on that line* LOL
By Zantiferous3 on May 19, 2005
@ GBE, I was at Morgan State’s graduation last sunday..then a cookout. So it wasn’t me.
@ Zehara, yep. Everything with the car is straight now.
@ Vagitis, if that was you, I’m trying to see you this weekend. Call a brother. LOL
@ LOL @ Dimpled. I could have stopped it…LOL
@ Shana, it’s also in the church lady handbook, too. Hoodrats don’t have a complete monopoly on the phrase.
@ thequeen, thanks for the compliment, and feel free to link me on your page.
@ Shan, it’s better, because they don’t let you touch the dancers at The Penthouse. Errr ummm…Not that I know or anything…LOL
@ Wannabe and Iselfra, maybe she was from NYC or something…LOL
@ Tamara, you happened to catch me about 4 drinks into the evening…which explains the dry-humpage. You all should have gotten to Dream sooner so you could have seen a more civilized verson of Hustleman. Let me sit there and get free drinks for a couple of hours and I turn in the Incredible Hulk LOL
@ Xquizzyt1, judging from the picture, you’re fine. Literally and figuratively.
By Hustleman on May 19, 2005
I pray your sister doesn’t think up the mother of all foul things to do to her brother who puts her on front street – I like I would do to my brother if he tried some stuff like that – and its very clear you have been to St Louis before as Gooder is a regular part of the dialog down hurr – (as are pryckle prencil skreet and assorted other mispronunciations) I enjoy your blog! Will stop in again…
By Queue on May 19, 2005
LOL Things like this make me miss riding the train.
By Nia on May 20, 2005
Man…….I can’t stop laughing that shit is so true! The oddest things happens on the train esp. the green line!
By SHIMINEGE on May 20, 2005
Great as usual, but your subway dryhump from a potential “Snatch of Legend” will just be an enjoyable experience. Check out Rosie Perez in the HBO flick, “Subway Stories: Tales from the Underground,” and you will know what I mean.
By Sage on May 22, 2005
UNBELIEVABLE story. Can’t imagine what one of the CPMC Members would have done, but you seemed like you handled it the best way possible.
By Cleveland Park Men's Club on May 24, 2005
Tramp! ahahahaha whooo wheeee
By Mala on Jun 10, 2005
lol @ dry humped … I saw a couple once after a random happy hour at 1223 straight do the damn thing on the train this was a little late and i don’t think they saw me but homegal sat on the dude and just rode dude unfortunately I had to get off two stops away…. a lot of freaks in choclate city mein damn!
By Blindsider on Nov 5, 2007
I thought it was a joke when I heard you tell this.
This type of sh*t never happens on the bus.
By Omari on Mar 30, 2008
LMAO @ “incredible tang”.
By PBG on Dec 14, 2008
You always crack me up Leon!!!
By kenya on Jun 22, 2009
I’m glad I can keep you smiling @ Kenya :)
By ListenToLeon on Jun 22, 2009