Erectile disfuntion has to be one of the worst non-life threatening afflictions imaginiable. Ladies, I don’t know if y’all realize this, but a great deal of what makes a man feel like a man is knowing that he can take pride in his…well, manhood. Damage that perception, and who knows what you’ll end up dealing with.
The reason I’m bringing this up, is because I have a friend(who shall remain nameless for fear that he’ll murder me) who sent me a disturbing text message one day. The message read “I’m having a system failure. I don’t know what to do.”
So me, in typical Hustleman fashion, replied “Make her lick your balls and then hum on them to the tune of her favorite song.” I got no response to that, so I called and asked him if she tried doing other stuff to wake his shit up, and he said that she did.
That’s when we both concluded it had to be some kind of mental block. You see, my friend had feelings for this girl that were much stronger than the ones she had for him. He was realizing that he wasn’t a priority, and it bothered him to that point.I felt bad for him, but at the same time, I thought to myself “Better him than me.” I’m such a good friend.
The phone call/text message from that day made me think…have I had anything even remotely close to a system failure? Unfourtunately, the answer is yes. It wasn’t nearly as dramatic as the story I just told. In fact, it’s kind of funny. Please allow me to share another sordid, intimate, and embarassing detail from my life with the world. Thanks.
Me and the lady I was with at the time both decided that we would call in “slick” to our respective jobs that day and just lay up under each other for hours at my place. In theory, it was a great plan. It just hit one brief snag. We were watching some show on TV…one of those shit-talking black judges or something like that, and she started going down on me. It was feeling really good. If it were any better, I may have came quickly and avoided this story altogether. But alas, since the TV was on, I happened to look up. The court show had gone off, but some “Save The Children” special was on about kids in 3rd world countries with cleft pallates. In other words, dirt poor children with hideous deformities on their lips. I looked up at those poor children, and my dick immediately went on strike. I think if it were possible, Leon Jr. jr. would have hidden behind my balls and hung up a closed sign on the left nut. I had to cut the DVD player on and put in some porn just to get me back on track and ready to finish our day of shacking up in the living room. My lady said it was sweet that I felt bad for the kids. Then she proceeded to call me a bitch.
There you go. The only other incident close to that which I can think of is going to sleep while getting head…But that involved ridiculous amounts of alcohol consumption, so I was bound to pass out sometime. She should have known it would happen when I’m in my most relaxed state. that just means the head was good…I guess.
It’s funny, too…cause when a man finds out that another guy is having issues with his fuck stick, we automatically do one of two things: We either feel sympathy for the poor fellow, or we think that the guy is barely a man and lose respect for him. This second reaction leads to us blaming every one of his problems on his impotency or whatever other dick hinderance he’s experiencing. It causes folks to want to say fucked up shit like “Wife left you? No wonder…you broke dick bastard. She said you can’t work the middle, cause your thing too little.” Or even “So your dog died, huh? He probably killed himself since he has a bitch-ass no-pussy-getting master.” Just mean, uncalled for type of assumptions. It’s messed up, cause obviously people with broken soul poles have more than enough problems already.
I guess I’ll end this today in a positive manner. There are increasingly more and more drugs being created to deal with dick problems. They even have products for the less-than-well endowed to make your shit bigger. My personal belief is that you should not use some newfangled drug on your dick, cause who knows what might happen years later. That stuff may make your shit fall off one day, fucking around with Mother Nature like that.
Oh yeah, I did say this was going to end positively, right? My bad. To all the limp-dick he-bitches reading this, don’t despair. Medical science has gotten better by leaps and bounds when it comes to these particular problems. So there is hope. I just hope you have an understanding lady who loves you enough to wait for modern technology to catch up with you.
LMAO @ “broke soul poles”!
Never had a guy have trouble staying up from the get go. I think I broke one dude’s dick tho… he couldn’t “cum back” after the first round. And I did everything to get him back up.
Had another incident where dude could get hard, futch stick was like a pencil (one of those thick pencils you learn to write with in first grade), and all I had to do was touch it (in his pants) and he came. He immediately returned to futch stage, but as he went to insert stick into snatch, he came again! This happened three times, total! I guess he was a lil anxious? I was flattered, but a little concerned at why he was cummin prematurely!
1. its amazing someone had something to say about this…
2. this is the funniest joint i read in awhile…
WOW. I get concerned when Jr, Jr goes into comma on me and flattered when quickie blast (cummin prematurely) happen. But, that’s depending on what mood I am in. If I wanted it soooo bad then I get very disappointed on either or.
You know you crazy, right?
Damn you a great friend hustleman… Where do I sign up … brat camp? Hey if you can keep it up watching some lil kids with lip deformities and missing appendages… no not a man you a monster…..
Broke dick bastard??
Dude, seriously you need to print this shit up and publish it…for real..
Great.Post
Yes… I had a guy like that before and not only did it happen once but twice. He got the notorious name “LDS” Limp dick syndrome. This guy was very attractive, which was a disappointment. I just recently told him why i stopped talking to him. I wasnt going to tell him because i felt bad but this dude just acted like his ish didn’t stink so I had to bring him down to reality and tell him his dick game wasn’t on point so he had to go.
i have a question.
my boyfriend and i have been sexin for 2 months and he is amazing…he can go all night and all day…and he puts it on me like no other… but um… er… he never cums. I mean i’ve NEVER seen him come. I’m very perplexed and disturbed cuz i don’t feel i’m satisfying him enough…yet.. he claims i do…and he doesn’t seem to mind. What is wrong with that? What should i do?
“So your dog died, huh? He probably killed himself since he has a bitch-ass no-pussy-getting master.”
Yo, I think I love u —u r TOO funny
LMAO…nuff said.
Why is it always some anonymous mf getting all nasty with the comments? Call up WPGC on the late night tip to get the answer to that one Love, Talk and Slow Jams can help you out. Before you do though dump that man girl…he aint no good! Then give him my number.
You. Are. So. Real. Too many sexual overtures that were funny as hell, to name ‘em all.
You’re putting the female- “Yeah, I Said It” to shame. When is your book coming out? If you’re ever in the market for a “hawt-looking” editor, hit me up! (Eyes married, so there won’t be any mixin’ of bizniz and your kinda pleasure *wink*.)
the DOPEST, FLYEST, OG, PIMP-HUSTLER-GANGSTER-PLAYER HARD CORE MUTHA FUCKA LIVING TODAY… TO BE HONEST I AM COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY ON HIS shit
That is the funniest shit I have ever heard. I beleive I need to tell one of my embarassing moments now.
LOL @ Nia, I was thinking the same thing…….
@ Anonymous…….Tell ya boyfriend to holla at me!!! ;-)
i dont even have anything to say. but i did laugh loud enough to freak out my kids
i think that LDS is a major problem and its happened to me before. in my case though i think the guy was really gay but thats another story. so anyway but yea LDS affects the ladies too…i dont know about anyone else but i felt like something was wrong with me. did i have bad tang?…certainly not but in that moment i started to wonder then just realized its his problem and not mine. he definitely got cut off…especially after all the shit talking he did….
okay im rambling.
good stuff leon.
u keep me laughing.
My name is Amadeo and I’ve had a system malfunction. Messed up cause I met this girl in the 10th grade and didn’t get at her until I was 25. I don’t know what the deal was but I only had one great performance with her. Sucks cause she was sexy as hell. I over compensated with the next one though…
Leon: U are one dependable mofo. If I need a chuckle, click on Leon’s page. I’ve been told that whore-bag men have difficulty with their soul poles when they eventually get with someone they really like. Is this true. If so, I guess I’ve never been with someone who really likes me. Hee-hee.
ok, now I know what it means to start a story with “so I have this friend”….sike…Great post. tell your boy that it happens to the best of em. Well that’s what they say anyway!
the fact that this man text-ed you in the middle of a session is just pure comedy.
what was he expecting?
backup? moral support? verbal encouragement?
oh lawd.
i’m done.
I find this post…sweetly disarming, slightly frightening and as usual, very memorable.
Another classic.
This is the classic out of ALL classic posts. You are just too damn much, Leon…
I don’t know what I’d do if a dude’s manmeat ever went soft on me…it’s never happened to me. Then again, I AM the solution to erectile dysfunction anyway…LMAO!
As for the pills to make Jr. bigger, I wonder if they really work. I doubt it. I don’t think I could deal with someone who took those pills or HAD to take them.
Oh yeah, guys they got some great little pills to make your weanies stiff. Great stuff, so they say. Only one drawback: one of the side effects is BLINDNESS! So, even if you get a hard-on, your dumb, stiff dicked, blind ass self wouldn’t be able to find a piece of ass to hit!!!
haha..ur funny…one time i slept with someone significantly younger than me…dont talk shit men do it all the time..anyway..i guess i made him so nervous (he might have been a virgin) OKAY HE WAS 17!!! i was only 20!!! anyway…the first time we tried…he couldnt get it up…the seccond time…he finally got it up and i SHIT U NOT…two strokes and he was done…it was a wrap…he never came around again..i think he was embarassed. :( ah well hehe