My friend Z has been hanging out in DC for the past month, visiting from Mississippi. She was returning home yesterday, so I stopped by the Greyhound bus station(she’s afraid of flying) to say goodbye and bring her some food since she would be sitting there waiting for an hour. As I arrived with the lunch, I saw a very funny sight. There was this slim, light skinned lady with a bad blonde weave and the world’s shortest skirt sitting directly next to my friend talking to her and giving her the eye. Also, there was this guy who looked like a heavy-set version of me with his curly hair slicked back and a pair of patent-leather Converse on walking away as soon as he saw me coming. So I brought the food, sat down in a free seat, and met the weave girl. I think her name was “Sparkle” or some shit like that. Normally, I would have believed that this lady was trying to hit me with an alias, but I thought to myself “She looks like someone who’s momma would actually name her Sparkle…or Lil’ Magic, or Miracle, or something to that effect.”
So after hearing this girl tell Z why she should live with her in Atlanta, and why I should visit them from time to time, “Sparkle” walked away. As soon as she left, I looked at Z, then looked at the dude with the curly, slicked back hair, then looked back at Z and said “That fool is a pimp, isn’t he?”
Z responded, “YES!!! They came over and asked me if I wanted any of their chicken strips, then they started telling me I was beautiful and I need to let them show me how to make that real money. I looked dude square in the eye and said ‘So you’re a pimp, huh?’ and he said ‘I wouldn’t call myself a pimp.’ Then I said ‘Nigga, YOU’RE A PIMP! Then he said ‘Ok. I’m a pimp.’ Man…Fuck that shit.”
Mind you, she said that entire paragraph in one breath…like she was just waiting on someone to tell that shit to…LOL. Of course, this is the part where I make fun of everything that I noticed about the situation.
First observation: I KNEW there was something to chicken finger pimping. I used to do that shit all the time at Dream nightclub in DC. It used to woek every time. Order some chicken fingers at the downstairs bar, then just stand there and eat them. by the time you get to the second strip, you WILL be approached by at least one woman hoping that you’ll share a chicken strip with them. Usually the conversation will start with her saying something like “Mmmm, those chicken fingers look good!” From there, the hardest part(opening conversation) has already been done.
Second observation: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Never trust a brother with a perm or a ponytail. I saw this guy, and I KNEW something was up with him. From first sight, I figured the man was either gay as hell, or a pimp. He appeared more like the latter, cause he glanced at “Sparkle” with a look that said “You better bring this shit home for me. CLOSE THE DEAL GOTDAMMIT! WHOOP THAT TRICK!!!”
Heh heh heh, I just wanted an excuse to write “WHOOP THAT TRICK!” somewhere. I need to go ahead and see Hustle and Flow and stop bullshitting.
Third observation: I didn’t realize pimps rode the Greyhound. You’d think they’d have enough money for airline tickets or have a nice ride or something. Then it made perfect sense. What better place to meet teenage runaways, women with drug habits, and folks trying to make fast money? This brother probably works the Greyhound circuit all up and down the East Coast. Plus, everybody can’t be Bishop Don “Magic” Juan. There has to be some low-level pimps and middle-management pimps. He was dressed more like a mailroom pimp, but from the hairstyle, I could tell that man had CEO boardroom pimp aspirations.
But yeah, fellas, don’t leave any of your lady friends alone at the bus station. Had I arrived 10 minutes later, dude might have had her on her way to Memphis strung out on crack-flavored chicken strips, a member of his traveling stable. So yeah, I guess that makes me a hero. I SAVED YOUR SWEET VIRGIN ASS, Z. REMEBER THAT SHIT AT CHRISTMASTIME…LOL
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Oh yeah, pimps practically live at the bus stations and train stations. As you mentioned, the runaways come through there quite frequently. These teenage girls already don’t have any money, so they’re taking the cheapest form of transportation, and these men talk them up and flash some cash.
LMFAO!!! Whoa! I shouldn’t laff that hard… I need my ass!
Damn… I can see the pimp now AND I can hear ya friend *waving… Hi Z* talking about it all in one breath! Some shit I’d do! lol
So… I was eating YOUR chicken fingers that night? heehee
Thanks for the laff… I needed it!!!
hi honey..tnx for stopping by ^___*, i love so much your photomontages, funny!
i answered to ya on my blog, if youhave anu kind of advices concerning “men” i’m here readi to open wide my ears!
luv
Cas from Italy!
Damn, homie.
Seriously though, those pimps I see on K street all the time are hilarious. But a lot can be learned from them and your post here.
Mainly: Learn to harness the pimping power of the Chicken Finger.
If made well a Chicken Finger can pull a chickenhead like an ugly Escalade with spinnas and Lambo doors outside of The Diner on a Sat night. But don’t skimp and get those BK chicken fries. They are just ridiculous.
Oh so its chicken strips. I need to make a note of that. LOL
“crack-flavored chicken strips” LMAO Too funny!!!!!
Oh by the way… Hustel and flow was WACK!!!!! Don’t waste your Money.
“Chicken Strip Pimpin” (please help em) lol, You are a character, A pimp tried to pick me up while I was hosting at the old Fridays on Penn Ave..I was disgusted but I did’nt want to get slapped, lol..so I politely said no thanks, i’ll pass!
I SAVED YOUR SWEET VIRGIN ASS, Z.
Lord, that is too funny. How about you come out to Phoenix and get a job as a doorman where I work so you can let the couples in there giving me the 3some eye know what’s up. Thanks Leon!
Please don’t waste your money on Hustle & Flow. This post alone held more of a storyline than that wack ass movie did.
LOL I think ole boy had more of a “welfare pimp” thing goin on cuz it sounded lke *Sparkle* was kinda “Dusty”! Not the chicken strips though…. LOL
I loved Hustle and flow, you take it as a good movie or a bad movie. I cannot even read the word pimp and not think of Terrence Howard.
weird how you haven’t seen hustle and flow (a movie about a pimp who wants to make it big in the rap game) and then you run into an actual pimp at the bus station. i think thats a sign you need to go see the movie…
anyway, i find it too funny how you ALWAYS have a story to tell…only hustlemanL… *sigh*
good post… thanks.
Kim
my articles: business articles
That shit was funny as hell. I am from DC and just a total visual of all of the nastiness that floats around that dam bus station. But chicken strip pimpin? DAMN!! Is this what it has come to ladies? For same!!!
DIVA
Man!! I used to walk past the bus station every single work day. I worked in the DCPS school building but parked in the $5 lot near the station. On a good day, I’d see just one whore. And on a bad day, let’s just say the streets would be litered with unemployed whores. And lemme tell you somewhere else it goes down…Right on K street at the offender monitoring center. I think that’s what they call it. Took me six months to realize it is the parole office. Oh and if you drive down Rhode Island going towards MD, you might luck up and see a pimp in a wheelchair. Make no mistakes about it, pimpin’at all levels is big bidness in DC.
had to come back and leave another comment after seeing the new BK commercial for their chicken fries!
LMAO… dude totally pimped a chick with his chicken fries…
Perm + ponytail = pimp. That’s just basic math right there. Glad that your friend didn’t end up lost and turned out–sounds like you came just in time. So can we call you Captain Save A Ho now?
Fukk “pimpin all over the…bus” More like pimpin all over the… blogs!!! LMAO @ U Leon!
:~) XOXOXO
Who am I to turn down some sweet sweet McDonald’s Chicken Strips Select and sweet&sour sauce?
“if you smell like you’ve been at work all day…and Drakkar…you are not pimpin’”
i once had to pick my brother up from the bus station & since i always get lost when i enter dc, i was of course late. he was not where he said that he would be, so i had to park & look for him. upon entering the terror dome, i encountered a variety of crackies (assumed crack addicts) dancing to music that i didn’t hear, asking me for a dollar.
as well, i knew a guy with a relaxer, who thought he was far to fine. then one day he had sandals on & he was missing a toe nail, & not a small, minor nail, but one on a big toe. it disgusted me & i avoided him after that.
moral of my story: not going back to the bus station again & avoiding all men with relaxers is a good idea.
That’s the funniest stuff I’ve read all week!
Between Lil’ Magic and Chicken Strip Pimping my co-workers will be treated to outburst of spontaneous laughter for the rest of the day.
*singing* It’s hard out here for a pimp…..
LMAO, I guess I need to watch out b/c I live next to the Greyhound station.
I saw Hustle & Flow last weekend and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I would give it a “B”, but the sound track? it is a must have.
WHOOP THAT TRICK!!!
That…was some funny shit! Add in the fact that you say you’re a hero AND the photos to the left…mayne, I’m crackin up. LOL
Respect, bruh! LOL
I cant even read this cause I am over here cracking up at the photos. Man photoshop is the best thing they ever created.
lmao… that’s why I can’t mess with bus stations… who knew the way to pull someone is with chicken strips
Dude you’re cracking me up. Who knew there were so many pimps hanging out at the bus station. I used to ride the greyhound up to NYC from D.C before I bought my car and never saw pimps but maybe it’s because I never paid attention.
As always hilarious. You are to damn funny.
Okay… before I read this damn post (I haven’t been here in a while) I am looking at those pictures… and oh.my.god. Those joints are hilarious. Okay… let me go catch up… oh and psst… tomorrow’s my birthday, since you missed the post where I demanded all male bloggers to come in and lavish me with compliments and positive attention… [*cough* July 18th Now Hear This *cough*] I mandate you to at least make an appearance tomorrow and make it up to me!!! =) Now back to catching up on your blog. And again… those damn pics? OMG priceless…
You are absolutely ridiculous. OMG… I’m so mad at you realizing the possibilities in chicken strip pimping. *shaking head*
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I love your blog I read it all the time but I’ve never left a comment and I thought it was about time i gave you some recognition. You never fail to brighten up my day with your crazy ass stories. You need a t.v. show. I swear…
*Jazzy B*
No thats pimpin’…LMAO…I’ll keep you posted
There has to be some low-level pimps and middle-management pimps. He was dressed more like a mailroom pimp, but from the hairstyle, I could tell that man had CEO boardroom pimp aspirations.
that’s with anything… lowlevel dealers low level casinos.. pick a card any card.
WHOOP THAT TRICK!!!
WHOOP THAT TRICK!!!
I know you aint talking about that dirty asz greyhound station….. thats one atrocious looking place.. I thought that Newark and Port Authority was wild….
Chicken Strip P.I.M.Ping… new word for the week.
You’s a clown Leon.
ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!