‘Morning folks! How’s everyone on this nice Monday morning? Great I hope. Today, I’m giving you reason to smile even if you’re experiencing the kind of grumpiness and irritability that seem to be exclusive to Monday mornings. I’m betting that you’ll smile, because I’m about to play myself once again and tell you all WAY too much about me…This mess is becoming a weekly routine. If I keep this up, I may someday become the official laughingstock of the internet.
So yeah, I decided to tell you all about some of my guilty pleasures. For those unaware of what a guilty pleasure is, here’s the Hustleman definition. A guilty pleasure is something that you like to indulge in, but don’t really do in front of folks because they will probably make fun of you for doing it. Then tell all your other friends and family so they can embarass you, too. Possibly even punch you in the chest if it’s bad enough.
Now that the definition is out of the way, I will list a few of my guilty pleasures in graphic detail:
Singing in the shower – I usually only do this when I’m home alone. It wouldn’t be that bad, but I seem to have a penchant for singing old ’80s pop/rock songs that I wouldn’t dare play in the car with my friends in there. Walk by the bathroom when I think I’m home alone, and you’re liable to hear anything from “If you’re lost you can look, and you will find me, Time after tiiiime” to shit like “I’m never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm…though it’s easy to pretend, I know you’re not a fooooool.”
Oh yeah. Singing with passion and conviction. Like that old lady that sits in the back of the church singing loud enough that you can hear her over the choir…Wrong words and everything. That reminds me, it’s about time for some new audio on here. Stay tuned for the next Hustleman CD release. Speaking of singing…
Turning regular R&B songs into vulgar, dirty ones – I started doing this when I was a kid. Now, I can’t help it. If I can sing a song and turn it as dirty as possible, I will for some reason. It always amuses me. Like say, my rendition of “Cater 2 U” by Destiny’s Child…Which I’ve so eloquently titled “Skeet It On U.” Just imagine these lyrics to the melody of the original song
“I’m tryin to skeet it on U,
Up on your breasts, in your face,
I’m tryin to wear that thang out,
We gon be fuckin all daaay
I’m gonna hit it,
And quit it,
And bust all up on that whoooore,
Any way you want it let me skeet it on you”
Damn shame I did that to such a beautiful song. I guess that’s why it’s a GUILTY pleasure.
Swine – I have a weakness for that swine. If I were a Musilm, they’d call me a disgrace and beat me with my own Kufi. I’ve cut back since I’m getting a little older…but bacon be calling me, man.
Anchorman – I just saw this movie for the first time about a month or so ago on Cinemax. It’s a silly movie, but it is funny. I have seen it about 3 times now, and I’ve laughed each time, despite the silliness.
Stupid action movies on cable- I can’t help it. If there is an old Chuck Norris movie on cable, I’m making someone sit with me and listen to my commentary while watching Chuck whup ass. I was watching one where these Vietnamese folks had him tied up and were torturing him. I kept saying “You better shoot that man now while he’s tied up. Chuck’s gonna fuck you up when he gets loose!” Sure enough, Chuck eventually got loose and whupped ass like it was going out of style. I even made a friend of mine watch “Road House.” The premise of this movie: Patrick Swayze kicks a whole lot of people’s asses working as a bouncer in a fucked up bar in a corrupt town. How this film got passed over for Oscar consideration is beyond comprehension. Patrick’s mullet alone deserved a Best Supporting Actor nod.
Laughing At My Own Jokes – Someone told me that I do this the other day, and since then I have noticed that she is right. I can’t help it…I amuse myself from time to time.
That’s enough for now. Any more, and I may have to enter the witness protection program. Happy Monday everybody.
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Hope you don’t mind my intrusion.
LMAO When did motherfuckers start spamming the comment sections on blogs? Is nothing sacred anymore? The internet has turned into such a shitty place…LOL
LOL @ you replacing R&B lyrics with dirty lyrics!! My friends and I do the same thing, plus we changed the whole R Kelly 12 Play album into a gospel album. Changing songs like Bump ‘N Grind into Servin’ The Lord All The Time. We even changed the lyrics in Trick Daddy and Trina’s Nann N*gga to Nann Preacher.
“No you don’t no nann preacher…..who can praise Jesus like me, catch the Holy Ghost like me, change sinnas to Saints like me, no you don’t no nann”
lmfao!
If I keep reading this… I’m not gonna have a reason for you to walk behind me when I get up to DC! LOL
Man…
I know that chuck norris movie! I don’t know how many times I’ve watched it on TV.
Anchorman… ummm… not that funny.
But I’ve watched Love Actually Over and Over and Over and Over and… ummm… OVER. Along with other movies that shall remain anonymous.
In college… we used to make up our own lyrics to songs too. I still do it today! LOL
Man…
be careful singing in the shower… I don’t want ya mirror to break or anything!
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Damn, blog spam has hit up yo shyt big time…must be a slow Monday.
LMAO @ the “Skeet It On U” song. I first thought about Dave Chappelle’s “Piss On U”.
My boy and I were just remixing “White Tee” by the Franchize Boyz for his 3 month old baby and I think it went like:
I slob in my one-sie,
I sob in my one-sie.
All the other babies in the crib can’t front me…blah, blah, blah and all that foolishness.
diggs
Skeet it on U—classic….!!!!
LMAO I’m glad that I’m not the only Cyndi Lauper fan around here!!
Funny post.
If I even SEE Anchorman of TV I get pissed. My husband will watch it everyday. One night I went out into the living room and he was looking guilty. I thought he was watching a prono or something jacking off. NOPE ANCHORMAN!!! It must be a man thing.
You got to be kidding! They are advertising in your comment section!!!
Mmmmhhhhhh…Bacon!
Holla!
“I’m not quite sure how to put this, but I’m kinda a big deal.”
And I can’t believe you broke out the Wham. In the shower. God bless your loofah for putting up with that.
Damn the Spam!
I sing Tom Jones songs in the office I can’t help it “She’s a Lady” kicks ass!
Me and my mother used to love to watch B movies and change all the dialog then Mystery Science Theater 3000 took the fun out of it.
If I ever meet you I’m gonna punch you in the clavicle for getting me in trouble at work…. SKEET ON YOU ahahahahahaha OH FUCK ahahahahahahahhahahaha, I’m so passionate about punching you I think it’s safe to say I abhor you AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BUST ON THAT WHOOOOOOOOORE AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that’s it, I’m coming down south and I’m branging a Chuck Norris whup ass with me skeeeeeeeeeeet AHAHASHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I swear I can’t stand you …
Anchorman is that shit!! My favorite part is when Jack Black kicked his dog off the bridge and then walks off and says “That’s how I Roll”! Classic
I bet you’re only sharing with us the tip of the iceberg. Leon, give us the real dirt. The stuff that would ruin your political career. Hee-hee.
LMBAO I haven’t seen Anchorman, but I think I have it in there. I will go check. You and my sister are very similar. hmmmmmm, she replaces the lyrics to songs too. As a matter of fact imma call her in a minute. Yall definitely have issues. I laugh at her ass the same way I am busting a gut at you.
Dude you’re sure being hit w/ the Spam..you might have to switch over to haloscan comments.
Can I just say this.. LEON YOUSE A DAMN FOOL.. I am soooo mad at you.. them damn Guilty Pleasures LMAO.. but errr u singin dem classics in da shower.. Time after Time and Careless Whisper Ha!!! its only us old oops I mean seasoned vets that can admit jammin to those.. errr u want a copy of my best of wham?? LMAO.. BK
I feel you…people really need to stop sleeping on Anchorman LOL.
I believe Cater 2 U sounds better that way
Ok.. Leon.. u know there is a damn itunes playlist called guilty pleasures. LOL I almost downloaded it last night just for you LOL
I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll, but I like Anchorman. Any movie with Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan, Ben Stiller, Own and Luke Wilson, and Vince Vaughn is hilarious. Best movies by them are, A night at the Roxbury, Superstar, The ladies Man, Zoolander, Old School, Be Cool, Anchorman, Bewitched and Wedding Crashers.