The other day, I was on the phone with my friend Nanette. She made fun of me, saying that I have a huge amount of entries that involve getting drunk. So after I explained to her that I have a equal number of entries with deeper topics,such as sex, my penis, dumbasses I encounter throughout my day, and…swine. Yeah, bacon kicks ass.
So after this exchange, I said to mysef: I’m going to make an effort to not post as many stories about me partying and drinking with my friends. Then the weekend comes along, and I get drunk off of Jello shots…Which technically is not drinking since it’s semi-solid. Either way, my newfound movement to be easy on the drunken savage moments led me to come up with the idea for a new organization for the betterment of mankind.
This organization is called B.A.D.D., or Brothers Against Drunk Dialing. Gentlemen, how many of you have been in a state of innebriation, and felt a strange urge to call folks? Sometimes, it’s a booty call with the intentions of immediate returns that night…Sometimes, you fuck around and end up calling an ex girlfriend you haven’t spoken to in months who lives in another state now. Either way, it is a problem. Let me outline the potential dangers that can come from drunk dialing.
* You may end up dialing a family member and revealing a deep dark family secret that wasn’t meant to be told. You’ll be on the phone like “…yeah, that was around the time Uncle Earl messed with that prostitute, then got robbed and had to get his wife to pick him up naked from the hotel room…Oh, so you didn’t know about that shit? Oops…”
* You might set up a date that you have NO recollection of, whatsoever. Then you mess around and get a call that Saturday night around 9:22 PM from an angry female talking about “Where the hell are you?!?! You said to meet you here at 9:00!!!” What’s really messed up, is that your trifiling ass is out on another date in a resturant right up the street and didn’t even realize it.
* You might be WAY too honest to an ex whom you haven’t seen in awhile. You two will be having a nice, cordial conversation, and your slurry, drunken voice will say “You know why I left you? I left you because you couldn’t keep your slutty ass legs closed. You kept that gap open. I could hear the breeze blowing through that motherfucker all the way at my house. You kept the gap open like a shopping mall on Christmas Eve. I know you fucked Charles, even though you say you didn’t. I hope that motherfucker fell in your deep ass gap and sliced himself on your nappy ass pubic hair stubble. Shave that shit, gotdammit! You gotdamn bush-woman!” There’s nowhere for a conversation to go from there but downhill.
* You almost undoubtedly will tell someone too much information. This includes any true confessions about wanting to bang someone’s mom, any disclosures of itching or burning sensations ANYWHERE ON YOUR BODY, any admission to jailable offenses, and any discussion about liquor-induced urges to pee in public.
* You may end up ruining your chances of getting laid by someone you actually like when calling her in that state. Then again, you may end up humping someone you probably weren’t going to get a chance to before…so this one is a toss up.
* You may committ the CARDINAL SIN of drunk dialing, which is leaving a drunken message on someone’s phone. It doesn’t matter if it’s a “Baby please take me back” message, a “Help me, I can’t find my underwear and one of my shoes” message, or a “Call me, I’m horny and you are REAAALY sexy” message like the now infamous Pat O’Brien one. Click here to hear it, but turn the volume down at work or you WILL get fired.
So to all those out there who have partaken in Drunk Dialing: There is hope. Once you’ve dialed drunk, you are forever a drunk dialer. With our help, you can curb your urge to pick up the cell phone for nonsense reasons while under the influence. The first step in solving the problem is admitting that you have one.
My name is Hustleman, and I am a Drunk Dialer.
See how easy that was?
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LMAO! Don’t forget the emailing while drunk and the IM’ing while drunk those are always fun.
You may end up dialing a family member and revealing a deep dark family secret that wasn’t meant to be told.
hmm… only one problem… I did this last week while tailgating! Didn’t have to pick up a phone… they were in person.
MAN…
MY younger sis used to call me all the time when I lived in Bmore at 3 in the damn morning talking bout “I love you. Come back home. I miss you.” I’d say, “Girl, you’re drunk… go the fuck to sleep” and hang up on her ass. THEN.. I called her after getting tippedthefuckova at a local lounge in Bmore and taking home a cou… ummm… TMI… let’s just say I called while waaaaaaaaaaay too enebriated! LOL
My name is Miss A and I’m a drunk dialer
are the comments that you posted ones that you’ve actually said yourself? drunk dialing & receiving is one of the things i miss most about college…
Hahaha, Hilarious!!! I’ve been a victim of drunk dialers. Its very strange being sober on the other end listening to a friend slur every word imagine.
Also, don’t forget about people who send drunk text messages!!! I got one of those last week.
lol @ uncle earl and the prostitute…
i think you forgot one very important thing
*you may end up dialing someone (particularly someone you’ve never looked at in that way) and saying “I love you.”
that sucks…. lol
I AM NOT A DRUNK DIALER! It was just that one time and I was in Dallas at a conference…I do not have a problem…I swear…really…please believe me!
I used to DD. But once I re-arranged numbers in my cell, it’s virtually impossible. See, what I did is, I put an ‘X’ in front of the people’s names. This way, IF I ever get the urge to dial them up, I can’t immediately find the number. And when I’m drunk my attention span is the size of an ants foot (do ants have feet?) so even if I did realize that the number is listed elsewhere, I’d lose interest before I found it.
My name is Zeezy4Sheezy and I too am a drunk dialer.. I use to call up random girls and sound like Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball.. Make me feel Goooood..
lol i was the victim of a drunk text message. remember that, leon?? lol
“um. you’re so fuckin hot! i wanna fuck you so hard!”
lol
Pat O’Brien
HAY!
suck my cock.
OMG!
Im glad I MISSED your call the other night then….LOL!
Jia Uncut
DP says (and I have to agree from experience) that most people call a person they like a lot when they drink.
i dont drink, but this was a good blog.
I keep coming back…I worry about me, as much as I worry about you.
My drunken behaviors don’t usually make it to a phone. Matter of fact…I’m trying to think about what I do do…when I’m drunk?
Hmmm…blackout?
ROTFLMAO.. this is hilarious.. too many drunk texts and calls have come my way.. I just don’t answer LOL
That Pat OBrien recording is just ridiculous. LOL.
I was laughing hard at the drunk message cardinal sin comment, that shit is true man, i left a message one time for my girl and realized half way through that she lived with her parents still and i had said things that would never allow me to be looked at the same again, haha, its funny when you just stop mid sentence and say erase this message!! then hang up.
I’m the Killa Cal and I’m a drunk dialer….
I drunk dialed TWICE the other night….
can u email my ex-boyfriend this post?? lol
No seriously, this nigro still calls my job looking for me when he’s drunk (I work 11pm-7am)…if they can’t find me he’ll tell n e one he speaks to to tell me he’s in love with me and misses me, slurrring all the while. My co-workers be looking at me like “what kinda fools u be messin with” lol
HELP!!
@ Edwidge, yep, they are
@ Miss A, LMAO
@ Jaquelyn, those are just random examples I made up for the story ;)
@ Diva, it sucks being the sober recipient
@ Christy, make sure to follow up with “…but not in that way” next time LOL
LMAO @ Amadeo…I believe you
@ Kajuana, good idea :)
LOL @ Zeezy…funny shit
@ Mampi, I was sober when I sent you that text message…LOL. I just wanted to see what you’d write back.
@ Jia, Heh heh heh :)
@ Erica, what’s your number again? Cause if that’s the case, you’re about due for a drunken phone call ;)
Thank you @ Doc
LOL @ RPM
@ Caramel, that’s cause you have a nice ass. LOL
@ Songbird, it is…That’s a nice photo of 1/4 of your face. If the other 3/4 is up to speed, then you’re fine as shit! LOL
LMAO @ GHOST!!! That is funny as HELL!!! Be careful man
@ Killa, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You’re that much closer to a solution
@ Diamonds, tell him you got fired or something so he stops calling there…LOL
i do one of two things…and it depends on the type of alcohol. I will either call and tell someone how much i wanna do it to them…and i dont do it like “hey wanna come over” i leave drunken voicemails sayin some porno type shit…its so embarassing the next day…OR even better i call my ex and tell him i love him 50 million times. the worst thing i did was wake up and look at my outgoing text only to realize i sent someone 15 text saying i wanna do “unmentionable” things to him. i wanted to die…
I swear the whole world needs to read this!
I’m a habitual drunk dialer. I will not state my name, in hopes to protect the thousands of people that I have dialed while drunk.
HAHA, damnit, this is filled with bad memories. I messed up this thing i could have had with an awsome chick i really liked because i got to smashed and sent her one of these “sentimentaly poetic with a 10th graders edge” type text messeges. I tried to recover in the same state of innebreation 2 days later, the sober attempts to recover just enforced the screwed up ones.
Ma boy did that shit to make matters worse he called he’s Ex and confessed to her that his dumbass had fucked her sister and he felt like she needed to know coz he still loved her !!!! yo we call this nigga dum dum go figure!! my name is blindsider and i aint a drunk dialer lol!
Yea drunk texting dialing worked both ways for me, at first I left this girl I like a couple retarded messages. That was ok she thought it was funny. Later in the week I got shit faced and left here some angry voicemails. I haven’t talked to her about it she ignored me the other day so I got to see what’s going to happen.