Y’all can probably guess what I’m going to write about today.
Have any of you all seen the trailer for that movie “Brokeback Mountain”? If not, it’s about these two cowboys who fall in love with each other, but end up marrying women and having kids, but occasionally stealing away to the appropriately-titled “Brokeback Mountain” to blow each other’s backs out. They claim their only fishing up there, but folks start to wonder and drama ensues.
I know it’s supposed to be serious, but the first time I saw that trailer, I cracked the fuck up. The first part where you realized they were gay, I think one of the dudes touched the other’s hand, or rubbbed his face, or some shit like that. It just looked funny, because it was a small gesture, but it made it CLEAR that these two cowboys are gay and they indulge in gayities with each other. No that there’s anything wrong with that…but it’s funny to me. Especially since Cowboys have a reputation of being these tough-guy macho men. That’s what is supposed to make the film interesting, I guess.
It made me think…what if other macho professions were getting gay with each other? I know it happens, but it’s got to be funny seeing that shit. When I worked part time for the bank back in the day, I shit you not: one day, a gay firefighter came in there. He was in uniform(the regular one, not the burning building rescue gear), and he was just as effeminate as could be. Plus, he had that gay lisp. For real…What is it with the gay lisp? Does being gay make a man too lazy to pick his tongue up off his teeth? I know this isn’t every gay dude, but a lot of them seem to do it.
Not only did he have the gay lisp, he also had that bright-eyed “I’m looking at everything EXTRA HARD” look on his face that also set off a lot of people’s gaydar alarm in the building. Y’all know what I’m talking about. The face that Morris Day used to make all the time. Or even better…The look Mr. Roper on “Three’s Company” used to give Jack Tripper when he would call him “Tinkerbell”
Trust me, I know these are all stereotypes…But when people actually do any combination of two or more activities usually connected with gay stereotypes, I just assume if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably got a beak and feathers. I could be wrong, but shit…
I can’t see the gay fireman saving my life in a burning building. He was so frail and fruity looking…He looked like he’d walk through the building, one hand on his chest, the other fanning himself, talking ’bout “Ooooh Lawd! It’s a FIYAAAH! This fiyah is HOT! I need y’all to hose it down!”
But back to the movie, it made me think about all kinds of unusual gay professions…Like gay butchers. Or even worse, gay barbers. That would suck, cause they have to be in your personal space.
But yeah, I don’t want to gay bash. If that’s your thing, go ahead and be you. I just had to make some jokes because, well…that’s what I do. Read more and you’ll see that I clown everybody. So don’t think I singled y’all ass jockeys out for any reason other than for the sake of comedy.
If Brokeback Mountain isn’t too graphic in it’s love scenes, I may actually watch it one day, probably when it makes it to video. I’ll even try not to laugh. It’s just funny to me when you see a combination of two dudes that are in a profession that is supposed to be the definition of masculinity, then see them all lovey dovey and whatnot. Anyone who got a chance to see it, go ahead and let me know what you thought in the comments section.
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1. Um, two things. I think the gay firefighter thing is hilarious.
2. I had a gay braber. Did the staring hard thing and everything. Even did the “tongue-on-the-roof-of-the-mouth clicking thing. Funny thing, I was younger and I didn’t even think about it because I knew so few gay people. I just thought he was a flamboyant personality. Maybe I was in denial.. you know like so many people are about their Church’s choir director. *looks around room*
When I realized he was gay I still went because… you know how hard it is to find a new barber you like. Still, eventually I got uncomfortable with him rubbing his crotch on my arms shoulders as he cut my hair… and I had to switch. lol He was a good barber but uh.. I just couldn’t do it. I tried. I just couldn’t.
I felt bad because it wasn’t him with the problem.. it was me. His gayness didn’t define him and he was a decent barber. It bothered me for a while.. then about two weeks later I found a better barber. Problem solved.
Everytime I hear about that movie I think about South Park when one of the kids said something about independent films and Cartman says,”Those are the ones about gay cowboys eating pudding.”
Honestly, I have ALWAYS had issues with barbers leaning too heavily on me. I have had MANY a barber leaning to eadge me up with his crotch all on my arm or hand, none of which were gay (as far as I know) just something they do I guess. Its not a gay or str8 thing… just a weird, ‘you are invading my personal space a lil too much’ thing. (AKA get your dyck of my arm!) lol
Now I dont worry about it, cause I got locks.
I dont see the masculine occupation and gay lifestyle combo as humorous… just other people’s life choices… but as long as your reaction to it isn’t violent, its all good.
doc,
please tell me someone saw ‘the boondocks’ last night? they had two gay rappers on there, and i was weak. one of them’s name was ganstalicious, and he had a song called thug luvin’.
well, he really was thug luvin’ on the side folk.
he told the kid he was too young to understand, but i know i was on the floor crying.
the little kid told him that his actions were ‘very not gangsta’.
This has got to be “thee” funniest blog I have ever read in all my days. The gay firefighter had me on the floor!!!!
@ Hassan, LMAO @ “Problem solved”
@ Amadeo, I haven’t seen that episode of South Park yet.
@ Prodigal, I think every man has experienced that at a barbershop at least once in life LOL. Oh yeah, you’re right about the combo. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with gay folks doing whatever they want to do. I dont want folks to think that I’m saying that gay people should not be cowboys, firefighters, barbers, or anything else. If they want to do it, and they’re good at it, more power to ‘em.
@ doc, I missed it. I love the episode where the grandfather fell in love with the hoe…LOL
@ Xaviera, check out the link on the side that says “Greatest Hits”. It gets WAY better(or worse?) than this LOL. By the way, nice picture ;)
not only was this post…FKING HILARIOIUS!! but it played on the boondocks strip all last week… OMG…im weak..weak
Ok, what the hayle were you watching to see a trailer like that…?
Lol! This wknd most comedy shows like SNL, The Soup, etc were making fun of BB mtn. damn! Now I actually want to watch it. I’m just curious.
That was hilarious tho.
You know what…there are just some things I perfer not to see on television (cuz I would wait for cable to watch the movie)
1. Tampon Commercials
2. 2 dudes screwing – gay or not…
I guess that gay or not is a whole notha post.
Holla!
@ Mrpoteat, glad you enjoyed the post
@ the kid, it played when I went to see “Good Night and Good Luck”, and independent film George Clooney produced about CBS News and their battle against Joe McCarthy and his Communist witch hunt in the 50′s.
@ tee j, the concept was funny to me, too…That’s why I had to write about it.
@ Mrs TJ, I am not a fan of seeing that stuff either, but I do want to hear some reviews and know if it’s worth seeing regardless of the butt humping.
I could live the rest of my life never seeing this movie. The messed up thing about it to me is the title. How the hell are you going to put a movie in mainstream theatres, name it BROKEBACK Mountain, and let word get out that it’s abou gay cowboys? They are begging for ample clownage.
Your mention of gay firemen has caused me to envision a gay police officer. I shudder at the thought. “Stick ‘em up!” Ugh!!! And you just know being in the DC area, there has to be a band of gay cops. Probably patrolling the fruit loop (AKA Dupont Circle).
And one more thing. There is a band of gay Sigmas who step. The entire team is nothing more than merry band of brow plucking, limp wristed sissy boys. I know this because they stepped in my grad chapter’s show last year. They started off stepping like they loved the cooch. About 2 minutes into it, it was clear that they were fans of hot-sticky-man-on-man action. This is not to say Sigmas are anyone’s definition of masculinity. But to see a gaggle of them, on stange, unapologetically gay was something special.
lmao @ Kajuana!
Yo…I have to watch that trailer now. But aside from that….The Boondocks was definetely hilarious last night. How the hell you gonna call yourself ‘Gangstalicious’ and be running from the dudes you got beef with. And then come to find out it’s over some drama filled boyfriend 2 boyfriend type joint. Oh my! Very not gangsta indeed!
Yo… I watched the trailer… and you know what? That is kinda funny… looks a little more interesting than I thought it would be… might have to watch the bootleg…
The gay firefighter thing was definately funny.. I can just imnagine “OOOH LAWD!! Chile, it is HOT in herre. Get the hose, chile, get the HOSE!”
i had to read your post because my roommate REALLY wants to see it and i’m not so much into it. but i did see a special on VH1 about the movie (what doesn’t VH1 devote a half-hour to?) and i found out that they only go as far as kissing. i also found out that there was more reason to make the movie besides seeing two hot guys in flannel hump horses on their way to give each other blow jobs, toss salads, and butt screw. thought i’d leave you with a nice lil mental picture. haha. ;)
Between your post and Kajuana’s comments I’m not sure what’s funnier. Well dude I definetly want to see this movie but I’m not willing to go alone and so far EVERYONE I know is looking at me like I lost it when I suggest this as a movie going option. I guess I’ll have to see it when it comes out on DVD.
why is that str8 people have issues with gay guys but when it come to lesiban women it is all good… people are people regardless of their sexuality… str8 people are so closed minded. would you go see this movie if the leads where 2 women and they where cowgirls
I am with you…first time I saw the trailer…was laughing …like WTFuck!?!
…and then…to have them name it Broke Back Mountain…LMAO
so so sad!
Funny!
Got your link from a friend. I’m with you with the lisp.. I think there’s a special class for it. You are a funny man, this was hilarious. Mind if I add you to my blog?
Funny blog, glad I cruised in. Interesting insights too.
LOL @ Kajuana. The title killed me too
@ MsNana, I really need to catch that episode of The Boondocks. People keep on talking about it.
@ Miss Jessi, the Los Angeles Film Critics Assosiation named it “Best Picture of 2005″ the other day. It might be worth watching.
@ Jules, VH1 does devote a half-hour to everything LOL. Thanks for letting me know that all they do in the movie is kiss.
I’ll go with you @ Edwige. I’m secure enough in my manhood LOL
@ Boogietonight, if they were hot lesbians, then yes I would…LOL. The difference is that women are beautiful, sexy creatures. So hot lesbian action is always going to be more accepted than hairy sweatty man-on-man shit…Don’t nobody wanna see balls up against each other. Now tittyballs up against each other…that’s a whole ‘nother story :)
@ Alli-babe, I knew I was not the only one laughing
Thanks @ 13andtheysayitaintlucky. Feel free to add me to your blog.
Thank you for the compliments Lynnie. Stop back by again sometime :)
everything isnt for everybody but you dont have to be closed minded the buzz is strong on the movie… didnt you watch OZ & THE WIRE with the gay characters on there? whats the difference
Hustleman, YOU are pure comedy! The irony is that you’re saying what everything is thinking. Hilarious!
Hustleman, YOU are pure comedy! The irony is that you’re saying what everything is thinking. Hilarious!
Hustleman….
you’re my new
favorite blog, ever!
hahahahaha.
Anyway, hows about
a gay truck driver?
Righty-o.
Havent seen it, but aren’t the two actors in it very prominant ones?
Awww gawd you are hilarious!!! where have you been all of my blogging life??
Not only did he have the gay lisp, he also had that bright-eyed “I’m looking at everything EXTRA HARD” look on his face that also set off a lot of people’s gaydar alarm in the building.
this is the funniest thing i have read in weeks!!!!!!!!
Im laughing my ass off (as quietly as possible)at work. I really like your blog. I subscribed to it. Thanks for the laughs, I really needed that!
“Ooooh Lawd! It’s a FIYAAAH! This fiyah is HOT! I need y’all to hose it down!”
By far the most hilarious thing I have EVER read. While reading it I actually added a lisp and had my hand on my chest. Once I realized what I was doing, I looked around like, I hope no one saw that. Does that make me gay? lol.
Good stuff.
LMFAOO!!!! This brings me to some too funny shit. Back in August I was working at the Hyatt in downtown as a sales rep. Being that I was an hourly and not salary, i was provided opportunities to work conferences as a cashier for the bars. Well, this particular instance I neglected to find out what kinda of conference was being held….BIG FREAKIN MISTAKE!!!! For all of us heterosexuals out there, we have noooooo idea!!! This conference happend to be….brace yourselves, the Gay Rodeo Riders Associaton of America…YES!!! Gay Rodeo Riders Association of America, i’m talkin bout some Stone Cold Steve Austin lookin gay dudes!!! I am sooo serious, I swear i seen some Triple H, Cocoa Beware, Da Rock, Undertaker lookin gay dudes up in that place.
go see it yo.
I saw the shit. I laughed my ass off. Almost had to mase some gay motherfuckas, but I was prepared. No one sat to me on the left or right. I think they smelled my husband’s sperm somewhere in the vicinity of my body; had to get some before I went to see that shit with a big as hat and blond wig. If my husband new, he would kick someone’s ass. Not mine, of course. Anyway, Leon had me thinking about his commentary in that gay ass theater. That be da reason I laughed and laughed. I was waiting for someone to say something so I could say, “fuck you faggot.” “Go fuck yourself dykee.” You know, the usual shit I say. Well, enjoy the movie motherfuckas.
it was most deffinately graphic…grosed me out…but being a woman the ending did make me cry :(
The gay firefighter was hilarious. “oh lawd!”………classic
the “prodigalsun” seems gay. almost offended “just other peoples life choices”
uh, yeah – you’re gay
This article is not funny, and as a gay man, I am horribly offended. Just because someone is gay does NOT make him any more or less masculine than any other guy. And for you to keep pushing the stereotype of gay men as effeminate and girly is beyond rude. Do me a favor and go fuck yourself!
Jason, you are entitled to feel that way. You sound like a sensitive fucking bitch right now, but like I said, that is your right.