MANscaping
Posted by ListenToLeon on
December 28, 2005
Good morning readers. For those of you who read this site on a regular basis, you have probably figured out by now that I do not embarass easily. I have been blessed with the gift of being able to laugh at the dumb stuff that I occasionally do. However, it appears that I have found a subject that I had to actually talk to a few folks about in real life before feeling comfortable enough to laugh at it and write about it on here. That subject, is MANscaping.
Don’t get me wrong…I don’t put a razor to any part of my body other than my face. That said, last Monday I did purchase a pair of those moustache clippers with the attachments to groom pretty much any area of the body. My moustache has been looking much better now that I can keep it with that “fresh out the barber’s chair” look. After experiencing initial success with the clippers, I decided to see how they worked on…other places.
The main thing that led to this is because I thought about the one time I actually made this girl cough uncontrollably while she was giving me head because of a stray public hair. She recommended that I keep my shit lower, and for awhile, I had been keeping my crotch ‘fro from looking like a lion’s mane. Hell, before that incident, it was serious. My dick ‘fro looked like a curlier version of Dewayne from “What’s Happening!” Now, when your crotch hair is comparable to Haywood Nelson’s afro, something is terribly amiss.
I used to use a pair of tiny scissors for the trim, but I decided to give my new clippers a try. I started off with the underarms for practice. I wanted to make sure that these would do the job. So once I saw the underarms were straight, I went for the crotch region. To my sincere delight, they did the trick. I was trimming away without a care in the world. Until, it happened.
I looked down, and realized that I fucked around and took too much off. I could feel the cool night breeze gently gliding across my poor, cold srotum. There was still hair left, but I took too much off the top and the sides while marvelling at how well the clippers worked and how much trimming that shit reminded me of the scene in The Karate Kid where Mr. Miyagi was trimming the Bonsai trees. Well, I trimmed my motherfuckin’ Bonsai tree just a little too low. The good thing is, it made my dick look bigger, and my balls became about three times more sensitive…The bad thing is that I felt like a little kid. That shit gave me puberty flashbacks all over again. I thought that my voice was going to start cracking and everything.
So there it is. The Almighty Hustleman is confessing to having clipped his balls damn near…well, bald. I had to wait for a respectable amount of foliage to grow back before I could confess this shit to anyone, but there. I said it. I’m secure enough in my madhood to tell the world that I fucked up while trying to avoid looking like “Teen Wolf 2″ under my street clothes. That said, it also led to me being annointed with another nickname since I had to screen this story past a few individuals to make sure I could handle the repercussions of being known as a ball-shearing fuckup. If y’all get tired of calling me “Hustleman”, I will also answer to the nickname “Cool Breeze” for the next two weeks or so.
That is all.
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36 Responses to “MANscaping”
LMAO!!!
Shit, man. I don’t even have any words to respond to this post… LOL @ you, nigga.
“Cool Breeze” indeed!
By MiniMee on Dec 28, 2005
How about the chest hair?? Men often forget that sometimes this shyt gets so out of control that if a woman were laying on your bare chest, there’s a strong possibility that she’ll come away with hair in her eye, or worst, a scratched face!
By The After Party on Dec 28, 2005
Cool Breeze,
I am willing to admit that I went more than a little crazy with a razor, those personal grooming clippers and even wax. Once you get going with that clipper thing you just can’t seem to stop yourself, it is so easy to f*ck up with that thing.
To anybody that will listen BRAZILIAN WAXES LOOK GOOD BUT THEY HURT LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!!
I had to call myself Cool Breeze more than once, but the sensation was pretty nice, I’ll have to admit.
By Mikki Queen of the World on Dec 28, 2005
I’ve done alot of things…but that one wouldn’t be prudent…I just can’t place anything that’s sharp in that region. I know clippers don’t cut skin easily, but the thought. I’ll just stick with, “Hey baby that’s natural, like Sampson.”
By Amadeo on Dec 28, 2005
LMAO @ Amadeo…I feel like Sampson after his haircut…LOL
@ MiniMee, it’s not that funny, dammit! LOL
@ The after party…I actually trimmed that, too. That’s straight, though. Left just enough to look manly, but nowhere near Austin Powers-like ;)
@ Mikki, I saw The 40 Year Old Virgin…and that wax stuff looks like it DOES hurt. I’m glad I’m a man. Shit.
By Hustleman on Dec 28, 2005
Simply Hilarious. Im a long time reader, first time poster but I had to drop a line and say heya and a chuckle. I could just hear the clippers buzzing, you humming a happy tune….then the awful, deafening silence followed by the manditory ‘Oh FUCK!’ I knew some cats on the swim team in highschool who were crazy enough to hit their shit with a straight razor then had the nerve to complain about the bumps. Crazy.
Plus, Kudos for mixing Karate Kid, Pubic Hair and Good times in one post. BRILLIANT!!! Cool Breeze…jesus Im gonna be laughing about that all day!
By Aeshema the Fury on Dec 28, 2005
Ohh my god you are too funny. I tell my man the same thing. Knock that shit down a bit. Also i cannot believe that you said “stray public hair” Oh my word too funny leon
By Raven Unscripted on Dec 28, 2005
Brazilian waxes are not that bad. Once you’ve done it a few times it’s nothing. If you can get a tattoo, you can get your butt waxed….LOL It’s worth it!
By Tamara on Dec 28, 2005
@ Tamara, I’m having mental images of you butt-naked now. Just thought I’d share that little tidbit ;)
@ ashema the fury, thanks for commenting, and I’m glad you enjoy the blog.
LOL @ Raven
By Hustleman on Dec 28, 2005
Dude,
I been doin that shit for a while and its great. Having your junk look all big with that hair gone is good for the ego. Got to be careful around the twig and berries though cuz ive had a few mishaps. My girl dared me to wax my shit one time too and ill never do it again. Its the worst pain next to getting kicked in the nads. But it does keep you nice and smooth for over a month. Be easy breezy.
By woodrow241 on Dec 28, 2005
WTF? You’re crazy, Leon! I heard that shit will itch like crazy when it’s growing back. Good luck!
By Angry Black Woman on Dec 28, 2005
“summer breeze, makes me feel fine….”
By VP of Dior on Dec 28, 2005
You just killed me. Thank you, and good night. <3
By Miss Rei on Dec 28, 2005
Well, that took a lot of, um……er……balls. LOL
By Nikki on Dec 28, 2005
You know what I actually like it when hubby shaves down there. The friction in the bomb. AND I take pics. Hey! We all got a little freak in us.
Holla!
By mrs.tj on Dec 28, 2005
i HEARD IT MAKES YOUr “man” look bigger :) I like a clean shaved man especially down there….easier access and no hairs don’t get in your way.
By NegroPino™ on Dec 28, 2005
I sooo feel you… I keep it neat in my nether regions… but once I wasnt paying attention and went straight across without realizing the guard had fallen off.
Imagine my dismay trying NOT to get sexual with my date that evening because I didnt want to have to explain the missing wide azz bald stripe across my crotch… lol
Imagine the jokes I endured after my libido won out and I gave in… laughter at anything in the crotch region just kinda spoils the mood… booooo… lol
By prodigalsun on Dec 28, 2005
NOW I cna say that I have TRULY heard it all! (lol!)
-Mikah!
By Mikah! on Dec 28, 2005
This post reminded me of American Wedding! hahahaha
At least you didn’t have ya pubes fall all in someone’s face or CAKE!
awww…
u trimmed away for my visit!
I’m a lil upset that we didn’t get to see the end! Didn’t U get a fucking RAZR pic fone? WTF?
heehee
See you this weekend!
And I’ma email you, damnit!
Smooches
By Miss A on Dec 28, 2005
hey cool breeze :) just in case you are into ringtones for that sexy ass razr phone http://mobile17.smashsworld.com/login/
^^^i use this site i upload music then send the link to my phone in a text message i use about 40 seconds each song for different ringtones once again
enjoy
Tee
By Tee on Dec 28, 2005
I actaully like a LOW trimmed man…for the very reason that you trimmed it to begin with!
Since I am a subscriber to the brazilian wax…I figure my man can do the same… Fair is fair, no?…after all, we’re doing SO MUCH…no need for the hassle of hair in teeth, eyes, coughing up a hair ball, tickling the nose and all…
LOL
By alli on Dec 29, 2005
LOL dang you almost made home girl choke to death yea handling that would be crucial to society lol….sorry you’re feeling a lil breezy lol
By Honey-Libra on Dec 29, 2005
the only way i get turned off about giving head? …if you have a head-full of hair on your crotch. don’t be ashamed cause if the girl happy with your situation then you will be happy ten-fold. just be careful next time… hahahaha
By yours susceptibly on Dec 29, 2005
Long time lurker, First Time Poster. You got me buggin the f@#$ out with the Haywood Nelson reference. Without a doubt, your blog is the funniest thing on the net. Keep doing what you do.
By T. Cas on Dec 30, 2005
I read this blog, and my jaw dropped. You are hilarious, but you don’t need another person telling you that. I’m a first time reader, first time poster, and I’ll be back.
By AquariusRising on Dec 30, 2005
Damn, that was funny. I have to give it up for the courage to post that. I”ll be back too.LMAO
By Wendy on Dec 31, 2005
LMAO
What more can I say?
By PC on Jan 1, 2006
yanno i heard it makes your dick look bigger if you cut some of the hair off. lol.
i broke down and bought a pair of clippers designed specifically for *ahem* that. i wasn’t too G for going bald eagle and razors always had me paranoid that i’d cut my clit off. now i happily sport a caesar down there.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
By Furious on Jan 2, 2006
Happy New Year!
By P. Alonzo Harris Jr. on Jan 2, 2006
Oh boy! That sounds scary for you but pleasant for the ladies. I’m gonna have to suggest that. My bf wants me to stop reading folks blogs. But I keep pointing out to him that what I am reading is more than beneficial to the both of us and this is another splendid example of just that.
By Sinamatrix on Jan 3, 2006
I haven’t commented in a while, but dammit if you get me fired today for all this snickering I’m doing at my desk it’s the least I could do to say something.
This is the funniest madness I have read in an hour. I’m all for men cutting their lawns. A nice shape-up does the pubic area a world of good. I really have to get the mental image of your bald sack outta my head, though.
Be easy, Breezy.
By Butta on Jan 11, 2006
*snicka*
By anurnemus on Jan 17, 2006
OMG!!! This is the funniest thing I have EVER READ!! I was literally CHOKING at my desk!! I know this is hella old, but I think it is SO SEXY when a guy is shaved. If you ever feel the need to go a lil low again Cool Breeze, feel free to email me pics!! lol
By Mahogany Brown on Sep 27, 2007
I am dyin laughing over here! Do you know that even though you trimmed too much off, that is sexy for a man to keep it low for us females that love to suck on some balls. We don’t want the hair balls anymore than ya’ll do. You gotta stay with that though man! Nice to see someone come on over to the not-so-wild side!
By Kayos on Sep 27, 2007
wow… the Gilbert Arenas story seems a bit traumatizing. You will survive, lol.
btw,This is random but Im from Fburg and I graduated from Jayem.
(co/2005 is the best,lol) They knocked it :( down but the new school is beautiful.
By Kryssy on Feb 13, 2008