Any of you readers ever been to Club 55? If so, then you already know that today’s entry is going to be crazy.
For those unfamiliar with Club 55, it is a “gentleman’s establishment” where ladies “entertain onstage” sans clothing. It’s a grimy, hole-in-the-wall spot located on a somewhat seedy part of South Capitol Street. Not at all for the faint at heart.
That said, “Mariah Carey” dances there, so that makes it worth the trip. Of couse I’m not talking about the real Mariah. It’s this sexy little lady with a really big ass who strips there. She looks a lot like Mariah Carey in the face, but has a booty that easily puts Serena Williams and J-Lo to shame. No competition. Like, her butt is so nice, that it could bring about world peace. Or start World War 3 should she choose to use her powers for evil instead of good. She’s Ass-tastic. Ass-tacular. Ass-tounding. Ass-nificient.
So Friday night, I ended up making a trip to Club 55 after seeing W. Ellington Felton and Raheem DeVaughn perform across town. I went with two ladies, and we were going to meet up with some other folks that we knew who were already there. The plan sounded like a good one, but it all fell apart once we got to the club.
One of the ladies I came with left with one of her friends for a very long time…I’m not going to assume that anyone was getting fucked or getting high, but I can’t think of much else two people could have been doing that long. Then again, I’m probably just going with the worst case scenario since things fell apart after they went on their little excursion. The chick that stayed with me was on her way to being drunk as hell, and I had just met her that night. Things went from us chillin, looking at the dancers(mainly Mariah), to her grinding on me with her breasts halfway coming out of her top, to me basically holding her drunk ass up so she doesn’t fall on the floor.
So we waited and waited for her girl to come back, and I took her over to the front of the club to keep security from giving us a hard time. Also, that way, if she had to throw up, she would be closer to the front door and the bathroom. Boy, did she choose the wrong place to be a drunk female at…That shit was comedy. Every dude that walked past us came to me and was like “You need to fuck the shit out her. She nice and ready!” Nevermind the fact that she can’t walk on her own. Nevermind that she was slipping in and out of consciousness and was basically dead weight at that point. I was supposed to take her out back and wear her out according to strip club logic.
Then again, I can’t act TOTALLY innocent. I did accidentally let her rub on my soul pole for awhile…and when her breasts were popping out, I adjusted them for her. One time with my tongue. I mean if I didn’t who would have?
The worst point in the night came when this group of four of the grimiest, most gutter, obviously-been-to-prison-before, look-like-they-just-got-through-beating-someone’s-ass DC motherfuckers walked in the door. These guys looked like they all lived hard lives. Like you could strike a match off their faces to light your cigarette the way they did in the old Westerns. The type of people who had NOTHING to lose in a fight. Breaking a nose might actually IMPROVE their looks.
Well, the ringleader of the group saw ol’ girl laying there with her breasts halfway out again, and then said to me “Ay cuz, I know she with you…I’ll give you $20 if you let me touch her titty. YOU BETTER PIMP HER MAN!”
I can’t lie, I had to laugh at that shit. But when I saw all those dudes reaching in their pockets and pulling out $20s, I had to tell them no. As much as I could have used a quick $80 for babysitting her drunk ass, I figured that would technically make me a pimp. As much as I joke about that shit, I don’t really want to actually start selling that chick’s body for cash.
Although she probably never would have known…Ah well. I did the right thing. Let me just leave it alone, shit.
Eventually, we got her home, her friend came back, and I got to meet “Mariah Carey” the next night at the old nightclub that I used to work at. She remembered me from babysitting the drunk girl the night before, which made it easy for me to talk my shit and work the charm. So I guess it wasn’t all bad. Let me go ahead and end this post now before I start singing “I’m In Luv With A Stripper” or something. The end.
Funny story. Of course, you did the right thing. Everyone I know who takes a trip to Club 55 always has an interesting story to tell. I’ve never been there, but I have ventured into the Penthouse on GA Ave. and the Nexxus a few yeras back.
Drunk girl should be glad that she was hanging out with a “nice” guy like you, even if u did get in a few feels..LOL.
good post!
n!gg@,
you won that night. by taking one for the team and baby sitting ole girl, you possibly can hook up with mariah. man, those are odds you take. i haven’t been to this club 55 although i can recommend a “midas muffler” on 450. that used to be my spot until i saw it on a “7 on your side” episode where they were putting cats out there.
in case i haven’t sufficiently explained, the midas muffler is a gentleman’s club by night, real grimy. just my type of spot.
anyway, you saying that about pimping out old girl reminds me of “road house”, i was just watching it the other day, GREAT MOVIE. in one scene, this guy offers these two guys to kiss his wife’s breasts for $20 (or maybe $15).
one of the guy’s walks over like he’s about to take the offer, and just starts fondling the he!! out of them joints. after about 30 seconds the husband asks the guy if he’s going to kiss them so he can get the money, but they guy says he can’t kiss them because he doesn’t have any money. HIGH COMEDY! needless to say, a fight ensues, etc., etc., etc.
esmoore
THis is a philosophical question:
If a titty fell out and no one saw it, did it really happen?
Leon, you are definitely a better man than me. It would have been SE7EN’s Rubdown Session when those cats started pulling out their change…
Maybe I’ll post my story about how I found out my first love is a stripper…
awwww
u was her supaman!!!!
I bet you that her friends knew what was up and did NOT want to deal with her!
glad to see there are gentlemen…in the strip club…and while babysitting a drunk woman *dead* at description of “Oz” extras…They make a sista scared to give those types a bogus number…Like they would beat the sh*t out of you if they saw again…or worse *lol*
good for you. if you had though, i couldn’t have been mad. lol. she shoulda managed her drink better. The fact that you fondled and licked is why you and I shall never be. lmao. Did you get the Mariah chick’s number?
LOL @ D…Thanks.
@ ESMoore, Road House is a funny ass movie! That shit is classic for all the wrong reasons…LMAO
@ Homeimprovementninja, very deep, my friend. Great screenname, by the way.
@ Erica, if I had a good woman like you by my side, I would not have fondled or licked…LOL. And no, sadly, I didn’t close the deal with Mariah because my old boss came up to me and blocked me.
@ Miss A, I think you’re right.
LOL @ Tenacious. They did look pretty rough. I tried to stay on their good side lol
LOL @ Se7en. I’ll definitely stop through and check out your story if you decide to post it.
A very heart-warming tale. AND I learned some new vocab. I especially love “Ass-tastic”. I’m gonna bring that word down to my neck of the woods in the Dirty South.
By the way, did ol’ girl ever learn how close she came to “working for tips” in her unconcious state?
dunt dunt daaaaa…Cap’tn Save a Ho!! Well, she wasn’t a ho but those gully muthafuckas wanted to make her one. LOL
I am SO impressed with the fact that you babysat her….me? Well my shady ass would have charged $50 for a feel and $200 to lay their dick between her titties. But that’s just me.
Good going CoolBreeze…
lol, hmm wonders if he was with these folks i know were there….anywho, i’ve been to the 450 spot and the penthouse, let me say between the two teh 450 spot is betta, they actually work for their tips, them girls at the penthouse were plumb lazy, jsut sitting on the floor grinding the air or face down with they ASSets in the air making it clap…but them girls at the 450 spot gave you acrobatics all on the pole, but never been to club 55, just seen them on HBO….
Alcohol ain’t for everyone. Some people don’t need alcohol in they life. You did good playing Captain Save’em. Good shyt. Next time you guys kick it she needs to buy jugs of WATER. Like D-12 says “That’s how N*gga’s get f*cked up”
Why does every city have a place like your strip club? Out here in LA, First King has been around for damn near thirty years. And it’s just like your club. Funny post like always!
ROTFLMAO.. hahaaaaaaaa *sidebar why is that my sons favorite song right now*.. but hahaaaaaaa
You are growing up BNB.. you would have molested that child a few years ago and sold her body.. I’M PROUD OFYOU.. lmao
i would have payed $20 just to see that!
its sad but i enjoy watching people drunk out of their minds (partially the reason i love bartending). just kidding
AW thats VERY sweet of u and shows maturity on your part because i know many a girl that got effed being twisted like that.
HAHAHA. funny funny story. i’ve never been to 55.
U surprised me. Somehow I thought this would end with you giving her $30 bucks of the $80 you made off of her. I underestimated you.
Free feels aside I empathize with you…I hate being with a dude or girl who can’t handle their booze. Being a woman just means your soft and I might not mind holding you up.
anyone else would have put some fast cash in the pocket. way to look out for the drunk.
Goddamn.
Every time I can’t hang with you some super ghetriflacious series of events happen. Man, lets hit Ozios this weekend.. maybe the Common Share? I can’t keep missing all the funny stuff.
THis thread is USELESS Without PICTURES!!!!!!
HEy Leon :)
OMG! Stories like these are what make me come back here everyday and tell people about you on twitter @Tluvly. You, absolutely, did the right thing! Under pressure, that ugly, I’m not sure how many would have done the same thing! Keep me in stitches!