With the redesign and update of The Insensitive News Network, I’ve been inspired to comment on a lot of the crazy stuff going on in the news this week. First and foremost, I had to write about my bipolar baby, Naomi Campbell. She was arrested for throwing her cell phone at her housekeeper yesterday. The first thing I thought about was that Sprint commercial where the dude brags about his phone’s “theft deterrant” and then throws the phone at his friend’s head after he tells him to try to take his wallet. In case you don’t watch TV, here it is.
The worst part about this is, it’s the second time Naomi Campbell has been accused of throwing her cell phone at someone, and the third assault charge she’s gotten. She’s like a fine female version of Mike Tyson. Someone needs to stage an intervention…Or buy her a small, light, padded cell phone so she can stop fucking people up with it.
Rumors are going around that this Spring is about to be gigolo heaven, as lots of hot and semi-hot celebrity wives are getting divorced or getting big money from a divorce. I heard rumors that Russel Simmons and Kimora Lee Simmons are breaking up. If that’s true, I’m on my way up to New York THIS EVENING. I’d break Kimora off something TERRIBLE!!! Plus, she looks like she partys hard. We’d have lots of fun. And sex. Then she could pay off my student loans with Russel’s money.
I also saw on MSN.com that Anna Benson, the always half-naked wife of new Baltimore Orioles pitcher Kris Benson is divorcing him, too. I’d have to make her think I was somebody to get some of that. Maybe she’d believe I am Philip Michael Thomas’ son. Hell, it’s worth a try.
Babyface and Eddie Murphy’s ex wives are about to get BROKE OFF with all kinds of alimony. Babyface’s ex is a little on the old side for me, and Eddie Murphy’s ex is a little bit on the masculine-featured side for me…Then again, if I am to ever become a true gigolo, I guess I must make sacrifices for the greater good.
The NFL owners ruled to stop excessive end-zone celebrations. So the question becomes…What you ‘gon do for attention now, Terrel Owens? Go the Chad Johnson route and get a mouth full of gold fronts? Who knows. This isn’t the first time the league cracked down on this type of thing. Back in the ’80s, half the team would be in the end zone celebrating. Had routines and everything. Big 260 pound guys doing choreographed steps and whatnot. Folks would stay after practice to rehearse their steps and get the moves down they were getting extra credit or something.
All I know is, I’m going to miss a lot of the celebrations of recent years. Like T.O. with the cheerleader pom-poms, disrespecting the Cowboys star at mid-field, pulling out the sharpie and signing autographs, making fun of Ray Lewis and that stupid dance he does, and a host of other things. I used to hope that guy scored touchdowns every week just so I could see what crazy celebration he had in store. Hell, I even laughed when Randy Moss simulated wiping his ass on the goal post a couple of years ago when he was playing for Minnesota. The worst example was when Joe Horn broke out that cell phone and pretended to talk to somebody after a touchdown. It was just plain corny. Anybody who uses a cell phone for attention is a dork. Doesn’t matter if you’re an NFL star, or a so-called hood celebrity, or Larry over at Dunkin’ Donuts. Don’t do that shit. It’s not cool.
Ok. I’ve rambled on enough for this morning. If anybody can find a video compilation of some of the end-zone celebrations I mentioned, put the link in the comments section and I will edit the entry to include it. Thanks.
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“if I am to ever become a true gigolo, I guess I must make sacrifices for the greater good.”
LMAO! Is THAT one of the many rules to becoming a succesful gigolo. You must have been talking to Morris Day or something. Just remember what he said. . . Gigolos get lonely too!
When will people learn? When you work for Naomi Campbell, getting bet upside the head with a cell phone is part of the job description. I love the new format of the ins site.
I hate the NFL for that. I loved keeping up with Chad Johnson last season. They just suck. NO FUN LEAGUE.
Times are getting tight and the Hens are leaving the nest before the rooster shrivels up or gets plucked.
You indicated: “Babyface and Eddie Murphy’s ex wives are about to get BROKE OFF with all kinds of alimony. Babyface’s ex is a little on the old side for me, and Eddie Murphy’s ex is a little bit on the masculine-featured side for me… ”
Tsk, Tsk, Hustleman. You may be witty homeboy, but you aint really hungry enough to hustle! Yes, it is true they are not packing the type of ass that you have so eloquently written about, however those women are the ones that you should be lusting for because, they will banking the most!
I bet my money on the smart ones like Kimora Lee Simmons and Tracey Edmonds. I doubt neither one of them will fade out quickly. I really believe neither Russell or Babyface could keep with their enterprising wives. Babyface must have been feeling left behind because he had to announce to the world that he was now “Grown and Sexy?” Those old cougars are too damn soft now anyway. Their wives may have been naïve little starlets when they got with them, but both sisters are money making machines right now. Kimora’s Baby Phat clothing line is seen almost everywhere, and I hope her her current campaign Fabulosity blows up beyond a book. Also anyone that can pimp Little Kim as a reality show to BET as Tracey Edmonds has done, with the show being the most-watched series debut in BET’s 25-year history gets much props for me.
sorry to tell you, but stephon marbury has beat you to kimora. i guess she has a thing for funny-looking bald dudes.
lol @ naomi’s theft deterant device…all i can think of is that sprint commercial