Open-Toed Shoe Season has arrived, ladies.
This is a mixed blessing, though. Some women look really beautiful in a nice Spring outfit and the right pair of open-toed shoes or sandals. Others, mind you, need never to show their feet in broad daylight ever again. I tell you, I’ve seen the good, the bad, nd the ugly over these past couple of weeks since the weather got nice. Some women take good care of their feet. Others look like they just got through kicking down sand castles on their way to the office. It’s hit or miss.
Ladies, if you’re going to do the open-toe thing this spring, here’s some advice:
Clip your toenails – If your feet look like you can scale walls with them, it might be time to invest in some toenail clippers. Nobody finds a woman attractive who has toenails that look like eagle talons. You’ll never snag a man by using your feet to open his beer bottle. A gorilla, maybe, but not a man. Trim and maintain them before wearing shoes that make your toes visible.
Lotion. – How can I say it any clearer? It’s never a good look to have dry, ashy feet. Looking like your hobbies include playing soccer barefoot with cinderblocks on dirt roads. Do not lead people to think that you can stop cars with your feet like Fred Flintstone. Wash them and apply lotion when necessary.
Know your limitations – Paula Bunyan, you need to recognize if your feet are too jacked up to be seen in public. If you have more corns than a bag of Jiffy Pop, please spare the rest of the free world from having to bear witness. Your feel should be smooth. They should not feel like a braille sign. Toes that look like a relief map of the mountainous Tibetan countryside need to remain covered. In Biblical times, you might have been able to let it slide, but in 2006, your feet should not appear as if you walked the Earth for 40 days and 40 nights. If they do, please dip them in some Holy Water, then put your socks back on. Thank you.
Hope this didn’t come across as mean. I’m just looking out for the well-being of everyone in society. Have a nice weekend!
Duly noted!
And it’s also worth adding, that if you’re an “open toed” Adidas sandal type guy, or even, dare I say, the leather strappy shoe dude…it would serve you well to also groom, moisturize and cover as necessary. And don’t think bec you play ball on weekends that dead, black azz big toe nail is a badge of honor. It’s nasty!
Leon says, “Toes that look like a relief map of the mountainous Tibetan countryside need to remain covered. ” STUPID!
I’m sitting here dying. my hand to god i not 10 minutes ago came in from the chinitas getting my toes done :) and yesterday in my blog i posted an email along the lines of this post lmao
Do you know who your real father is? My Dad “got around” and we might be related. LOL
i try to read your blog as much as i can you really point of the thing things alot of people think and your funny as hell
Damn L, great points you humanitarian you. Out here in the desert I have seen some feet in need of a belt sander my damn self. Dont forget your protective eye wear this weekend (never know when a stray nail but come at Ya)! Later Bro
hmmm… didn’t you post this before?
@ Angie, don’t lose your job over this blog…lol
@ So Wise, you’re right. It goes both ways.
LOL @ Tee
@ Trenee, I know who my dad is, but he was a player so you never know…lol
Thank you @ Anonymous
@ Desert, that made me think of the episode of Martin where Cole clipped his toenail and it hit Gina in the head and knocked her to the floor
@ Miss A, I don’t think I devoted a whole post to this before, but I’m sure I’ve made fun of crusty feet on here…lol. Either way, jusding from the sights I’ve seen on the street, it’s as relevant today as it ever was.
My 3 cents!
This is my pet peeve…
That ugly ghetto neon green and orange polish w/ designs all over your toes. That is NOT cute! Who told ya’ll that was cute?! Keep it classy-cute with the nice french manicure, or shades that look good with your skin tone…
Yo ditto on the clipping of the toe nails. I don’t know why women love to walk around with toes that look like they just catch a fish with. If your toenails are as long as your finger nails, something is wrong. Make it STOP
Men’s feet scare me.
Still, I understand that come spring/summer time guys wanna wear sandals too.
…personally I wish you wouldn’t but you have every right to get into open-toed shoe season as much as us females…
However.
I urge you all to read leon’s guidelines above(maybe substitute and omit certain words so it applies to you), heed closely his words, actually apply what you’ve read to your everday grooming.
-then tell your mans dem so that they too can be aware of correct sandal/ flip flop etiquette.
Thanx Fellas
I know myself and all the other Briophobics will be greatly appreciative.
Now on a completely unrelated note,
-its friday cupcakes! i hope you all go out and have a whole lotta good fun:-)
I agree w/ so wise sista & pink cashmere…It goes both ways. Men, if you have jacked up feet we don’t want to see that mess either!
I agree w/ so wise sista & pink cashmere…It goes both ways. If you are a man with jacked up feet we don’t want to see that mess either!
Speaking of jacked up feet….Why do I, the queen of cute feet and pedicures, have on one of those big blue “I just had surgery on my foot” shoes today. Long Story. *sad face*
i got my work done this afternoon, thanks for the reminder ;)
Perfect fix to friction feet (feet that when rubbed together can start fires).
White gym socks & Vaseline! After showers, rub feet with lubricant, put socks on and go to sleep. Try this for a week and you’ll have softer feet. Hammer toes, rocks, corns and other issues are causes for prayer and plastic surgery!
Lots of men need to benefit from these tips too. Just like men are turned off by women with jacked up feet, well we women are turned off by men with jacked up feet.
Do yourself a favor gentlemen and get a pedicure. I makes no sense for a man to have his feet looking like he’s been kicking flower or to have his toe nails purple and/or blue. Work on your damn feet!
And please, never wear Timbs daily in 80+ degree weather. Your feet need to breathe during the summer.
I used to be a foot man, but after riding the Green Line metro for years, seeing sistas with the scariest feet on the earth, the thought of feet just cause me to slip into uncontrollable seizures. Every summer evening I get on that joint and just see female feet that are TORN to shreds. The thing is, they have the AUDACITY to wear open toed shoes like, “WHAT!” Please for the love of god STOP THE INSANITY!
While I have never been much of a foot man I have always admired a good foot/shoe show like I admire jewelry that properly add attention to cleavage or earings that have me looking longingly at a woman’s neck. If the neck/ cleavage/ feet look good it is a beautiful thing.
Otherwise, it’s winter somewhere in the world.. cover that crap up.
Oh, and I do believe you have done this topic before Leon. But it is timely… soon we will see a bunch of “Jesus Walks” (aka: JWs) feet hitting DC and it will be uuuuuglyyyyyy.
LOTION, how about good ‘ol vaseline!!!
ok. this is good advice but ihave no toenail clippers!!!!!!!
yeah un leon you are a mother f’n weird. okay!!!ookay and now that u understand sorry!!!