I am a bad son. I spent most of Mother’s Day battling a hangover. The bulk of the day, I was either eating something to settle my stomach, sleeping to settle my stomach…or shitting to settle my stomach.
The worst part about it is, I was in Fredericksburg, VA, but left my gifts in Silver Spring, MD. So not only did come over to Grandma’s house in VA hung over from a bachelor party empty handed, I also put a hurtin’ on one of the bathrooms. Some son I am.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I cursed at my almost 70 year old uncle due to my hangover induced lack of patience. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds, though. Uncle Churchill has a tendency to bring up sensitive issues at the wrong time, just so he can give examples of how right he is, and how wrong you are. He purposely asked me about the car I got into an accident in back around the time of my birthday, knowing damn well that he already knew it got totalled. He just wanted me to tell the story again so he could talk about how well his car is running. I ended up saying to him “I’m not really in the mood to talk about that shit right now. It’s not a story with a happy ending. If I tell it, that means, I’m going to be unhappy, and I’ll probably take you down with me and make you unhappy too. Just leave it alone, man.”
My stepfather was sitting in the living room on the couch between us, and he just started laughing. He asked me to repeat what I said, because no one usually tells Uncle Churchill to stop talking, out of respect for his age. Usually, I wouldn’t have been short with him, but the morning after drinking 3/4s of a bottle of E&J by myself along with a couple of rum & cokes in an attempt to make grimy, bullet-scarred, tiger-stripe stetchmark-having bachelor party strippers look remotely appealing, my patience was thin, to say the least. Trust me, what I said was very respectful compared to what I was thinking about saying at that point in time.
Still, I love Uncle Churchill, even when he’s talking shit. That’s what family’s about. Life would be boring if everybody kissed each other’s asses all the time. I guess that’s why everybody just let me recover and didn’t give me a hard time on Sunday. I love my mom and my grendma, so I figure that I need to be there with them despite my condition. It’s no guarantee how many Mother’s Days we’ll all have together, so I want to appreciate every one…Even the ones where I was shit-house drunk the night before.
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Actually…kissing ass doesn’t ahve to be boring…*wink*
Daaaaamn, they looked that bad? Grimey? daaamn! Bud-da, despite that…did you get busy? heeheehee
…at least you showed up…which is even better than a gift.
Drunk or not…YOUR THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!
At least you put your heart and effort into it, even with the hangover. Gifts are good, but it’s the love that means the most.
Please tell me that E&J was the only option for you at the party.
I think I would have had to go at that party sober rather than partake in anything that had E&J in it.
@ Blab Blah Blah, you’re damn right I’m the Juggernaut! I heard that The Juggernaut is actually going to say that shit in the new X Men movie that’s coming out. THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!
True @ Nikki. Nice new profile picture
@ Anonymous, E&J was on sale for $7.99, so I bought the big bottle and took it there. I could have drank someone else’s stuff, but I did not want to cause trouble. I had a bottle of that, and a bottle of 151. Just think how worse this story would have been had I been off the 151?! I actually forgot to tell y’all about the part when I was chastizing DC hookers on the way back from the party.
@ ESmoore, someone hired the girls for the party. They are from the area, so they are probably strippers/escorts at some grimy-ass club like the Skylark. I know one thing: When I get married, i’m giving the best man a stripper wish-list. I’ll do research then tell him which ones to hire for my party
Did he say “Skylark?” Oh bad, bad memories of my BC aka “Before Christ” days! lol
That’s one thing I dont miss about not drinking…I could do w/out hangovers, plus I hated the way drinking made me act…I was a different creature.
@ Divyne, WHAT’CHU KNOW ABOUT THE SKYLARK?!?!
You have me curious to hear about your backsliding days now…
Then again…Nevermind. You’re cute, so I’d only want to know for the wrong reasons. I don’t want to hear anything that will taint my innocent, virtuous portrait of you ;)
You’ll learn about the BC days in my memoirs…lol As a matter of fact I’ll send you a newspaper article where the media totally exaggerated my testimony…Check your e-mail…
DOG!!!!!!!
you have just hit on a gold mine. a stripper wish list my be the most brilliant thing i’ve ever heard. we (yes, we) could set this up like “target” and “bed, bath & beyond” and set up a website.
when they type in your ‘id’ (not your real name of course, so your fiancee won’t kill you), your best man can see who you’ve chosen from what clubs, and who DEFINITELY not to get (you could have tipped her too little before, and she slapped the black out of you or other memorable occurrences). you could even rate the strippers like netflix or something, so if he can’t afford your top 4, he can still get #7 & 8.
esmoore
@ esmoore, come to think of it, THAT IS BRILLIANT!
Hit me on HustlemanL77@yahoo.com when you get a chance. We need to discuss this further. There’s definitely a market for it!
@ Divyne, I’ll be on the lookout for your e-mail
Doesn’t everyone have that one aunt or uncle that exists to talk shit? I gave my aunt the finger on x-mas eve on year, but because of her rep I didn’t get in trouble.
Jeez Leon, must be something about 70 year old men. My coworker (who is 70 and white as the sheets he probably ironed for his daddy) tapped me on the arm one day and said, ” You know what B’Write…I think I must be black on the inside or something because I sure do love watermelon and I really find fried chicken to be delicious. It’s not rotisserie, but dammit fried chicken is good stuff.” Well Damn! First I’m stuck in traffic cause some fools shot at TI on the one highway I need clear to get to work and now I gotta deal with watermelon man next to me. I felt like I was part of some Discovery Channel show like “Bigots In Their Natural Habitats” Look for my blog updates “Conversations with BS” for more of his little nuggets of wisdom. It would almost be funny if it wasn’t completely true.
Uncle Churchill, yeah, I got one of those, too. But he deserved it, because it sounded like he was riding you on purpose. Hope you’ve learned your lesson with that E&J shit!
*smh*