This past Saturday, I went to hang out with a few of my friends from college who were in town because my boy Chris got married. We did what is to be expected from any group that would allow a degenerate like myself amongst their ranks: We hung out, drank heavily and cracked jokes all night long. I found blog inspiration from numerous sources that night, but unfortunatey, my short-term liqour memory seems to be failing me.
Around 3:30 am, we went to the International House of Pancakes around Pentagon City to pass the time since one of my friends had to take a flight out at 6:30 in the morning. Leave it to us to have more fun at IHOP than we did at the club. the resturant had significantly more good-looking women in it than the club we were at, plus, it so happened that I knew ladies in almost every group of women that was waiting to eat at the same time as us. The wait was long, but we made it as interesting as possible.
One of the friends brought along a lady he knows who works for ABC 7 News. So while we’re at the table, folks notice the enormous, industrial-strength cell phone that she has with her. Jokes ensue, and eventually she tells us that she has everyone at the television station’s phone number in there. So me, being the wise guy that I am, I ask her if she has Jim Vance’s number, knowing that he’s on NBC 4. She didn’t find it funny at all. She did laugh when I told her to call their head anchor, Leon Harris, and tell him that I said to stop looking so glossy on tv, because he’s messing things up for the rest of us Leons in the world. After I made this joke, one of my people actually found Leon Harris’ number in the phone and dialed it at 4 AM in the morning. The ABC 7 lady with us was like “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE REALLY CALLING LEON HARRIS AT 4 IN THE MORNING!” and promply hung up the phone.
So since I could not get the message across to Mr. Harris that night, let me go ahead and say it now: I want to settle once and for all, who is the greatest Leon to ever walk the face of the Earth. Yeah. I’m calling you out, Leon Harris.
Tale Of The Tape:
Style: Leon Harris is one of the glossiest brothers I’ve ever seen in my life. Not necessarily a bad thing, because it is more of a natural shine. Very similar to the Rick James episode of Chappelle’s Show where Charlie Murphy said he could see the man’s aura. Leon Harris’ aura is visible to the naked eye as well. He walks around with a slight glow, reminicent of Bruce Leroy from The Last Dragon. That said, I still have more swagger than him. Plus, he loses points for hanging on the the TWA(Teenie Weenie Afro) way past it’s due date. Advantage: ListenToLeon
Money: Let’s just say that Leon Harris is kicking the crap out of me in this department and leave it at that. Advantage: Leon Harris
Name Recognition: Leon Harris is the face of local ABC News. I, on the other hand, am the face of DC area urban professionals who are bored and have too much free time on their jobs. He’s been on CNN. I’ve been on Fredericksburg, VA local cable access(once). Advantage: Leon Harris
Moustaches: Mine does not cover most of my upper lip. Advantage: ListenToLeon
Vocal Presence: Although my debut album, Music To Dry-Hump Your Lady To, was met with critical acclaim, none of you ingrates who come to this site actually bought it. Leon Harris never recorded an album(that I know of), but he’s got a smooth voice that makes the news sound relaxing. Almost like Billy Dee Williams back in the day. If Leon Harris wasn’t a positive role model, I’d tell him to get his agent to call Colt 45 and see if they need a new spokesman. Advantage: Leon Harris
Woman Appeal: I thought I had this on lock, but when I told the Leon Harris story to someone I thought was on my side, she broke off into a story about how she had the biggest crush on him when he was at CNN and attempted to flirt with him in Atlanta. So since the man pretty much proved that he can steal ladies from me without even being in the same building, I have to give him his props. Game recognizes game. Advantage: Leon Harris
Better Camera: Judging from the pictures above, Leon’s got me beat there, too. Advantage: Leon Harris
Total: Leon Harris = 5, ListenToLeon = 2
Alright. I just suffered a savage beating at the hands of Leon Harris in this showdown. It’s ok. Let’s try this again in a couple of years.
I’m driven like Rocky Balboa. I’m ambitious like Bill Gates. I have a beautiful mind, like that dude Russel Crowe portrayed in the movie of the same name…except I am not schizo. Add in my “King of The World” swagger, and it’s a wrap. I will not be denied in my quest to become THE WORLD’S GREATEST LEON!
He should really let the TWA go.
Yeah this is good and all.. but where was I when y’all went to Skylark?
lol
wise man say, “much trouble come out of IHOP!”
This was hilarious….he wouldn’t enter your domain though (the net!)….at least you got that on lock!
I say challenge Mr Harris to meet you in the octagon to settle this once and for all.
“sweep the leg!!!!”
I can’t wait until Leon Harris googles himself!! You’re gonna get in trouble. Or better yet, what if one of his stalkers finds you and finds out you have been bad mothing Leon.
@ A, hopefully, this will bring about change.
@ Hassan, trust me, you didn’t miss anyting by not going to Skylark that time
@ The Killa Cal, you’re right. IHOP is a recipie for trouble
@ Hostess, I tried to send it to him, but he didn’t have any contact information on the ABC 7 news site. I had to send it to Maureen Bunyan and one of the other anchors in the hopes that one of them would pass it along. I hope he has a sense of humor, because I actually really do like and respect the guy. He’s tied with Jim Vance as my two favorite anchormen in the city.
@ Mikey, that’s funny. I don’t want the rest of the news tem jumping in and handing me a beatdown like in the movie “Anchorman”
O.K. so what, he’s got the camera, chicks, and cash…you’ve got comedy, creativety and something else with a C that’s valuable. Keep writin’ and I’ll keep readin’.
P.S. I think we’ve added a LTL (Listen To Leon) project code over here for all the time I spend reading your blog.
Okay….that was so funny I’d swear you were still drunk. LOL
Man, I wouldn’t give the other Leon the victory yet. By my math, it’s like a dead heat:
1) I hate leon harris (-1 for Leon H)
2) you gotta deduct a few points him for that 1980s mini fro (-2 for Leon H)
3)You need a better camera. I think you need to take a better pic with a camera that doesn’t make you look ashy and try again…unless you’re that ashy in real life, in which case I’ll send you some lotion and apologize to Leon Harris.
But seriously, get a better camera because I would hate to have to apologize to Leon Harris unless it was court-ordered.
HE DOES HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR!
I just got off the phone with Leon Harris, and he told me that this was the best laugh he’s had all day.
Since he actually checked the blog out and got back to me, he’s officially TWO notches above Jim Vance now. It’s your world, Leon!
you know thats real sexy how you admit to losing to Leon Harris… but hey..I check back in two years and see if you get ‘em… and I was dying at the twa (I have one..but it looks cute..and I’m growing my fro out, I think it came with all those hours spent at work readin the boondocks.)
peace & love
Seems like your going to a lot of bachelor parties these days. When you gettin’ hitched, Leon?
And you know what?! His calling you back has officially bumped him up in my book too!!! Viva la Leon–both of ‘em!!
There is this dude in Baltimore who looks just like me…I never met him but one of my best friends and my mother mistook him for me…my mother almost cussed him out for ignoring her. Everyday I hope this guy is living a good life. Just be glad you don’t have to worry about taking a beating on behalf of Leon Harris.
I can vouch for the story, I was there!!! That phone was big as hell there were so many jokes, so much alcohol, so much fun. You should have seen the size of that phone, i think ET phoned home with that thing!
you’re definitely the most handsome out of that picture you have there.
You are a nutcase…..but this was HILARIOUS!!! LOL Glad Leon Harris thought this was funny, too, cause he could have got gangsta on your azz.
Silly ass…
Do something about that camera…has you looking PAST pale…
Teenie Weenie…LMAO
You forgot to give Mr. Harris double points in the “vocal presense” category. I can’t recall hearing the man speak, but I can bet 3 dollars and a ball ticket that I could hear him say one sentence without having him repeat it like, 14 times!
Funny shit, man!
*patiently waiting for the ListenToLeon vs. Leon Spinx battle*
i am dying reading this. and he actually called huh? i would actually let him slide on the twa.
I think I will have to agree with Nikki… I’d love to see that ListenToLeon vs. Leon Spinx battle… can we get an encore?
OMG…u are a damn nut!!! LOL
you know i don’t like leon harris… i yell at the tv when the news comes on…
L, Just make sure the eyes in the back of your head on working. I would hate to see Soledad O’Brien or Larry King sneak up on Ya and try to beat you down on a dark D.C. street.
Leon Harris is holding it down but can the brotha apply a little powdwer?
L, Just make sure the eyes in the back of your head are working. I would hate to see Soledad O’Brien or Larry King sneak up on Ya and try to beat you down on a dark D.C. street.
Leon Harris is holding it down but can the brotha apply a little powdwer?
Only you, (and maybe me) would pose a faceoff on YOUR own site, and lose!!! That is HILARIOUS!!! Good stuff yet again fam!
Sorry, y’all, but the TWA has gotta stay. I’m the last guy out of seven in my family with ANY hair, so I’m holdin’ it down for the DNA (in spite of the criticism)! Whatever the case, I’m just glad to be in a place where Blak folks actually watch the news. Keep the advice comin’.
Sorry, y’all, but the TWA has gotta stay I’m the last guy out of seven in my family with ANY hair, so I’m holdin’ it down for the DNA (in spite of the criticism)! Whatever the case, I’m just glad to be in a place where Blak folks actually watch the news. Keep the advice comin
Only you could battle someone in your own head and lose… lol You’s a fool I tell ya.
I am mad you called him ‘Glossy’ though… now whenever I hear the Kelis song ‘Bossy’… I hear ‘Glossy’ and this dude’s picture comes to mind. Thanks.
@ Amadeo, that’s funny. I hope he’s doing good things and not making enemies
@ Anonymous, that phone was big enough for her to do bicep curls with it at the gym.
Thank you @ Jenny :) Let’s hump ;)
@ brwn_eyes_brwngirl, I like your TWA…Ijudging from the picture, you have some T&A to go along with it ;)
@ original sindee, are you proposing to me?
@ Tasha, I KNOW you’re not talking, Miss Country Grammar :)
@ Blah Blah Blah, I’m about your complextion in real life
@ Pimpnmen, I’m glad he has a sense of humor, too. Leon’s not a small dude. He could have slapped me around or something had this made him angry enough
@ Nikki, why you starting trouble?!?! Leon Spinks HAS NO TEETH! That man has NOTHING to los in a fight. I don’t want any parts of that fool. I have nothing to gain out of getting beat up by a toothless ex-boxer.
@ Aquababie, glad you enjoyed the entry
@ Bklyn’s Finest, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and thanks for commenting
@ Chi, I only yell at the conservative cable news people like Bill O’Reilly(jackass) and Tucker Carlson(closet racist geek).
@ Desert Gigolo, I watched the movie “Anchorman”. I know how news crews roll…If I ever hear someone talking about “The streets will run red with ListenToLeon’s blood!” I’m running away for dear life
Thanks @ j-bigg
@ Leon Harris, I don’t blame you, man. We’re glad to have you in the area, too. If you still have the number, give me a call. I want to ask you a few questions. If not, send me an e-mail at HustlemanL77@yahoo.com and I’ll send it again. Thanks for stopping through again.
@ Prodigal, that’s HILARIOUS. Now I’m going to do the same thing when I hear that song…I BLAME YOU!
LMAO you are such a nut.
You know i’d always pick you over him.. he looks like he could be my daddy *shudder*
~Elle
You’ve been stalking me again?
How the hell you know what my shade of chocolate is…
*I think your lighter than me babeeee* lol
@ Blah Blah Blah, your face is all close up on the camera in your profile photo! That’s how I know you’re among the “melananinly-challenged” just like me…lol
@ Elle, thanks
This is my favorite of all time!!