As I’m sure all of you are aware, John Allen Muhammad is on trial in Montgomery County, MD for his role in the 2001 sniper shootings in the area. Muhammad has fired his lawyers and chosen to defend himself against the murder charges levied against him. A wise man once said something along the lines of “The lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a client” or something like that. In this case, it’s definitely proving to be true.
Muhammad’s accomplice, Lee Boyd Malvo, has been on the stand for the last two days now, telling the world every detail of Muhammad’s long-term plans to bring down the US. According to Malvo, this guy had evil movie villian ambitions. The plan was to kill six people a day for 30 days, then recruit as many screwed-up individuals as possible to live and train with him in Canada, only to be relased upon the states, wreaking all sorts of havoc. Basically, Malvo’s testimony shows Muhammad as some kind of homicidal mix between Tyler Durden from “Fight Club” and Dr. Claw from “Inspector Gadget.”
Muhammad then went on to begin a long, rambling cross-examnation, filled with all sorts of irrelevant questions and foolishness. Here is an actual brief transcript:
Muhammad: “The last time we played basketball, who won?”
Malvo: “You won.”
Muhammad: “The last time we ran five miles, who ran faster?”
Malvo: “You did.”
Now I ask you, what the fuck does that have to do with the price of tea in China?! This whole trial is a waste of time and money. Everybody already knows that he’s going to get convicted, asking stupid questions about how many points and rebounds he had in their last pickup game during a murder trial. I halfway expected him to follow that question up with “Who’s dick is bigger?” or some other foolishness like that.
Besides, he’s already sentenced to death in Virgina. What is Maryland going to do? Have his body FedExed up here so they can stick him with the syringe again? I guess both states are going to take him to the MD/VA border and lethally inject him with needles from both sides so they can call it even.
Right now, Muhammad is still cross-examining Malvo, calling him “son” when addressing him. I wouldn’t be suprised if Muhammad put on a “Stop Snitchin” T-shirt at some point during the argument, in a desperate attempt to get Malvo to shut his mouth.
According to most sources, Muhammad is questioning Malvo’s mental health. This strategy, will not work. I’ll tell you exactly why it will not work. It will not work, because the snipers never shot anybody in any of the rougher parts of the area. They knew better. Let them try to snipe people in certain parts of Southeast DC driving a Chevy Caprice with tinted windows. They know it’s a good chance that someone out there would return fire. Muhammad would have his foot on the gas pedal with the quickness, talking about “MALVO! THEY SHOOTING! COME ON! THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!”
So yeah…He’s evil, but he’s not crazy. That’s why he chose to strike in Montgomery County with all the open space and peaceful white folks who aren’t quite as accustomed to shootings.
I don’t even have a good ending for this, because the whole trial is a circus. This guy just wants to put on one last show before going away for good, the same way Zacarias Moussaoui did. They need to let Muhammad and Moussaoui share a cell in prison, then tape them for a reality show. That would be interesting for all the wrong reasons. Kind of like “Being Bobby Brown” meets “OZ.” TV execs, y’all can have that idea for free. No need to thank me.
fucking hilarious. Why do people want to Canada and “train”? It’s cold up there wouldn’t it make more sense to go south to a rural part of Mexico where it’s warmer?
Damm the whole thing is bringing back uncomfortable memories luckily for me I had to leave the country for work right after the shottings began.
It’s been a minute since I’ve heard mention of Dr. Claw from “Inspector Gadget”…
It does seem to be a bit of a circus a big waste of hard earned money.
how dumb can you be? i don’t understand why waste taxpayer money when you’re ass is gonna fry anyway.
i still remember how shocked i was when i found out they were black.
You want to know why he asked those really dumb questions? Because he wants to show how he is going to beat Malvo in this too. He wants to remind him.. that should this come down to M Vs. M… the Older crazier M is gonna win.
Too bad he’s an idiot.
I remember being downtown and wondering what those fools were up to. Its crazy Muhammed thinks that being his own attorney will work. I would love to sit in the courtroom on this.
you know I was thinking that too the reason for all the pointless question was to show he is a winner…
it is crazy though..we waste so much money on things like this..
for a reality show…too funny..I’d probably watch it every week, and that just sad.
peace
What the hell is the point with having a second trial? Even dudes in the hood know once someone is dead it’s done. Unless Maryland is going to pull a drive-by at his peoples house.
Muhammad: “The last time we played basketball, who won?”
Malvo: “You won.”
Muhammad: “The last time we ran five miles, who ran faster?”
Malvo: “You did.”
WHAT?!! Leon, are you making this up!?! LMAO
@ Honest, I was working at The Washington Times back when the shootings were going on. I had to walk along this service road alongside New York Avenue to get to the employee parking lot every day, and every day I thought I was going to get shot LOL. I would be praying on the way to the car like “Please don’t let me die leaving this job that I hate” LOL
@ Jenny, Dr. Claw was one of the best bad guys ever. He had metal gloves, and a cat with a spiked collar!
@ Aquababie, I was suprised, too. I wasn’t suprised that he was ex-military, but the fact that it was a couple of black folks did suprise me.
@ Hassan, that he is
@ Shaunnie, my setpfather is a lawyer in Montgomery County and he’s been sitting in on the trial all week. He said that Malvo is very articulate on the stand.
@ brown_eyes, That show would be a hit…Seriously.
@ Amadeo, True…Nothing much left to do to the man after he’s already been sentenced to death.
@ Tamara, I WISH I was making that up. That quote was from The Washington Post
that reminds me of when the dude who killed those folks on the LIRR…represented hisself…and was examining the witnesses…
“So what did the shooter look like”
“He looked like you…you shot us!”
“Who me? I didn’t shoot you…you didn’t see me”
I know it was wrong…but I died laughing…just as I did on this post…Land ‘o Lakes that was funny Leon!!!!!
Oh and my girl said you live too far…
That’s too bad @ DJ Diva…Your girl is kinda sexy :)
The sadest part about this whole post is that if it were a reality program, I’d watch it!!! I’d TiVo it and watch episodes over and over.
dang!! are they showing this on court tv?? LOL that is crazy! LMAOOOOOOO @ the reality show idea… someone needs to make that happen!
Dude, Loved the recent posts. I was working in Fairfax county back when the snipers were busy puttin’ in work… Needless to say, I was looking over my back constantly. lol
Your ability to paint a picture w/ words is amazing, man – Keep up the great work. When are you going to tell your FANCLUB about all of the Stories from Hotel 244 on Newcomb St. Or how 3 men would go to Club Dream w/ a combined total of $7 and have a great time for 7+ hours. lol
The good and the bad thing about the American legal system is that everybody gets their day in court.
The good and the bad thing about the American legal system is that everybody gets their day in court.
I swear i don’t believe anyone could take a story and spin it the way you do *seriously cracking up*
~Elle
OMG too funny, he needs to sit down somewhere….as for 2 trials (now if someone already said this i obviously havent read the other comments)…there want to convict him in 2 states on the off chance on conviction gets over turned, there is still one standing….once he gets in jail, he’s probaly gonna clog the legal system up with useless appeal