This particular entry right here is number 300. That’s right folks, a milestone has been reached. This means I have talked a monumental amount of shit. We’re talking Biblical proportions here. Moses would be proud…well, that is, unless he noticed this little gem from my “Ten Blog Commandments” entry
Now that my greatness has been established once again, let me tell you about my three-day weekend. I’ll break it down by the day…
Friday: Watched the game in a sports bar with almost no females in there, other than the waitresses. It was rather depressing, but I was actually too tired to go anywhere far from home to enjoy the game and eat chicken strips. I just focused on basketball and listened as the other guys in there complained about the lack of females. Sometime during that day, my Razr phone got wet and died on me. So I could not even catch up to any of my folks who were talking about partying earlier in the week.
Saturday: Went to Republic Gardens that night and my mojo came back with a vengeance! I was something like a chick magnet that evening for some reason. I wasn’t even trying, and tall women kept approaching me and giving me phone numbers. Usually, the tall ones are my kryptonite. The ones most likely to shoot me down. I guess DC women have a fetish for shorter guys hitting it from the back on a stepladder or something. Either way, I’m not complaining.
Sunday! SunDAY! SUNDAAAAYYY!!! Earlier that day, I witnessed a man throwing rocks at a woman’s car, while she threw eggs at him in retaliation. From the sound of the obscenities yelled from both parties, it sounded like they used to have a intimate relationship. All I know is, if one of those eggs or rocks had hit me, someone would have gotten a beating. I had on my fresh white Chucks, too…If one of my sneakers got hit with an egg, you can best believe they were going to be accented with blood stains once I got through kicking the crap out of the guy who started that foolishness right in front of me.
Sunday was also the night of the infamous trip to “The House” with Honest, The After Party Hostess, Hassan, Beloved, and a rack of other friends of friends. To say I acted silly would be an understatement. We were on the VIP section balcony, and I managed to hit a stripper with a dollar bill folded up into the shape of a paper airplane. After that, I just started balling up my ones and aiming at ass-creases. There was one vertically challenged stripper that totally caught my eye. She was pretty, had a nice ass, and nice sized fake breasts. I actually went down the steps to tip her. Then I attempted to get her to come up to our section since I had a suprise for her there. That suprise, was this love note written on a napkin
See…I can be romantic when I want to be. Also, I blurred out the cell number to avoid prank calls on this cheap ass replacement phone that I got for free. This thing is HUGE. I have to hold it with two hands and dial it with my teeth. I’ll be buying a better one sometime next week.
I ended the night eating in a diner where one of the watresses was really upset about her trainee. She said this about working with her “I’m so excited I could just scrape my skin off.” Now that is some real shit right there.
Monday: Recovered for the first part of the day, then went to hang out with my friend Carmen who just moved to the area. She called me a sellout for flirting with an Indian lady, and then made me eat Chipotle, which later brought on an attack of Montezuma’s revenge. Oh yeah, I did see some titty that day, but one what I did not want to see. A crackhead who looked like she took a Dick Cheney buckshot blast to the face walked past Carmen and I, scratching her stomach and lifting her shirt, exposing the nastiest, floppiest titty this side of National Geographic. My penis just got as un-aroused as possible at the mere memory of that horrific sight. Ladies, someone up and say or do something sexy just so that I know that no irreparable damage has been done to the wang by looking in the direction of Crackhead Medusa.
HURRY! I ain’t playing! This is the wang we’re talking about!
But first, let me end this by saying thanks to everyone for the support and love you’ve shown. Without you all, I would have gotten bored and this blog would have never made it this far.
Leon
Congrats on the 300th post! I wish i was there sunday night.
you are a dayum fool! LOL @ the love note… I think I am gonna have to use that! I would have called… haaa!
okay, I wish I could have seen the rock throwing/egg chucking event.. crazy people… congrats on 300.. that is a lot of blogging wow, and sounds like you had fun this weekend… as for the saggy titty..sorry to hear that..just think about all the tall chicks you met on sat. and about the stripper… and about how your cute so, you won’t ever have to lower your expections so you won’t ever have a chance to be with a girl like her crackish self.
Sent you an IM…to get that sensual conversation that you wanted started…..
LMAO @ “finer than a muthafucker”
Take a flight to CA and let me go ungodly, blasphamous, skanktamonius things to you this weekend.
Man congrats!
Sunday night was OFF the hook. And I must say, while I had to make sure I didn’t say any crazy sh!t to get me written up in any of the 10 blogs there at the time, I had a blast.
What sports bar did you go to, btw? I know of a few and usually they have females loaded up in there. Even the ESPN zone and their ultra crappy food.
You make me laugh. Out loud at my stuffy job. Thank You!
@ Diva, you should have been there! It was hilarious.
@ Jirzygurl, you know you would have been offended…lol
Thanks @ brwn_eyes_brwngirl. And trust me, you did not want to see that foolishness.
Thank you @ Blah Blah Blah :)
@ Rebecca, that thought just made my evening, as pretty as you are. I’m about to call my travel agent ;)
@ Hassan, I went to the one in Downtown Silver Spring across the street from the Borders. I didn’t feel like going far from home since I got off from work so late.
You’re welcome @ Alba. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
Oh and that short stripper, she was a midget. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. lol!
that was loonnnnnngggggg
Congrats on your 300th post. It was nice to meet you and I’m MAD that I missed the the love note. I heard about it, but I thought it was a lie! :-)
I almost thought that you gave it to the lazy chick w/ the matted hair that didn’t want to pick up her dolla, but the short chick was cute and enthusiastic. I approve. LOL!
Gald the gays were gone y the time you made it to the Gardens. Cus for real when I walked past on Friday, it was carpet munchers as far as the eye can see–not that there’s anything wrong with that if it’s what you’re into to.
The note on the napkin. Hold up. I didn’t think her breasts were fake. Now the big chick with the perfectly flat tummy, she’s had som work done on her big ass. Good hanging with ya. And woo-hoo on the 300th post.
Great times man great times!
can we get a 301st entry??
thanks
Congrats on ur 300th!!! :)
Ur like a man smoking @ a cas station u about to blow up!!!!!
U r too crazy for me
LMAO @ work loud as hell and don’t care… Bitch u is finer than a muthafucka! Boy u know u crazy.
Call me! lol I’m foreal!!! Serious face! Smile!
Lady Chi ;)
I bet that smiley face really did the trick.
LOL Leon you are crazy…I’m laughing at the fact that you consider “The HOUSE” upper level a VIP. It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been saved, the last time I was there was in 04. Did they remodel or something?
300 and counting. You’re bout one of the funniest dudes I know, even though sometimes I can’t understand a word you’re saying when you talk fast lol…. keep up the laugh bruh.
For real though, I gotta use that note on one of these broads out in Kali. They might like that shyt.
i <3 your blog
So, it’s Thursday now and I want to know if you’ve heard from the midget stripper? Cuz if she doesn’t respond to that sexy note………
I had one of those crackhead titty moments. I was driving, but that didn’t stop me from putting my hands over my eyes.
congrats on the 300th post. that note was hilarious.
if you think a crackhead tittie is bad, a crackhead dick in even worse. one night we saw some old dude drop his drawls and piss.
Congrats and once again u havent disappointed me!!!!!!! Love it!!!!!
I guess DC women have a fetish for shorter guys hitting it from the back on a stepladder or something.- HI-larious!!!!!
crack head titty lol,congrats on your 300th.may there be many more homie
300 strong and counting. you make me proud. keep putting these bitches on smash
LOL I don’t know about the step ladder, shorty, but you def have a comic mojo working. And that’s always hot. Can’t wait to read more.
Veda
Dude I’m proud of you….I saw your potential and you’ve far exceded even that…..you would make Hubie Brown proud for using ALL of your upside!!!!
here’s to 300 more homie!
whats up – nice blog, just exploring some blogs, seems a fairly nice platform you are utilising. I’m currently using WordPress