I’m in a bad mood today. Technology seem to be conspiring against me. My laptop, which I bought from a shady individual for crackhead prices, is not connecting to the wireless internet again. It’s messing me up, because I have two websites that I should be working on, which needed to be finished a long time ago. One of which, the owner may have already put out a contract on my life, considering this grey Cadillac with New Jersey plates has been parked outside my building all morning, with two guys with bandanas over their faces in the front seats. It’s 90 degrees outside, so I know they’re ready to fuck SOMEBODY up.
Ok, so I’m lying about the contract killers…But still. I need to get this work DONE! I need the damned money. I can get the desktop internet connection to work, but none of the software or files that I need are on this computer. So since this is pissing me off and costing me money, I am lashing out in random directions.
First up, my roommate and her boyfriend. They’re from Cameroon, so they speak fluent French. I can always tell when they’re talking about me or trying to keep shit from me, because they switch up languages on a motherfucker. They don’t even try to be slick about it. I plan on picking up from my high school studies so I can suprise the shit out of them one day. Be like, “YO MOMMA’S A PUNK BITCH! I UNDERSTAND ALL THAT BULLSHIT Y’ALL BEEN SAYING ABOUT ME!!!”
Have them yelling out punk ass French sayings like “SOCK-RAY-BLUE!”
Second, I need to call out “Sadie”, my friend who reads this blog for giving me the nickname “Linus” this weekend and actually talking me into carrying a napkin in my pocket as a security blanket. Damn you for making me think that sacrificing my dignity is cool, just because a “Peanuts” character used to do it. Ol’ fake ass Sade :)
Third, I have to call out my DVD player remote control. Granted, it is an el-cheapo $29.99 “Cobe” DVD player…The remote stopped working at the absolute WORST possible time. I had to watch Kung Fu Hustle in Cantonese with subtitles since that damned shit would not let me access the menu.
Fourth, damn you Star Jones and Barbara Walters, for being in the news all week. I had a nightmare last night imagining the world’s most disgusting baby oil catfight ever. I woke up and threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Fifth, I want to say I don’t like the Comcast people. I keep hearing that the BET awards were alright, but since my bootleg cable is non-existant now, I don’t know what I missed. Why’d y’all have to mess up my hustle? I was going to go legit one day and pay y’all. But now that you’ve crossed me, I hereby declare that I shall NEVER pay a Comcast bill. Y’all can kiss my ass.
Sixth, I am going on record and saying that I am going to spit on the shady Israeli dude that sold me this punk ass laptop. It’s got all of the programs that I need, but I have the slight feeling that he stole it from somewhere. Maybe it’s the fact that the main user profile reads “Rob” and this dude’s name is Namir. Maybe it’s the Virginia high school name badly scratched out on the bottom of the computer. All I know is, when that Department of Veterans Affairs computer went missing, I was hoping and praying that agents were not going to kick in my door and arrest me for some shit that I didn’t even know I had. Luckily, they found the actual computer and it wasn’t the one that “Rob” sold me. Sonofabitch. Never trust extremely hairy people in mesh shirts with accents. That may sound stereotypical, but it’ll save you a lot of problems in life. Trust me.
Ok…Being evil didn’t make me feel any better. Hopefully, it made some of you smile, though. If not, y’all can suck my balls, too.
Signed,
The Evil, Sinister, Black-hearted Hustleman
>:^D
Maybe it’s just me, but Star Jones is one of the worst looking big girls who lost weight. Maybe it’s because of the operation or something, but it looks like she got a graft and her body is fighting to reject it…that’s a scary nightmare..I’m worried about ya man.
Have a coke and a smile!
You’ve definately got the Monday-should-be-holiday-for-all-Americans
blues! Take a deep breath, relax, relate, release. Have a great holiday everyone!
all I can say is bless your heart. I hate laughing at people in pain, but, LMAO.
@ Big-Ace, I’m about to head over to “Cheers” so I can have a Rum & Coke and a smile :)
@ Amadeo, I had an even worse nightmare after that. One so bad, I didn’t even want to open my eyes when I woke up…It must’ve been the Chinese food I ate last night.
@ Double L, thanks for the encouragement. I plan on getting this problem fixed soon, so everything will be great once I do.
@ Deepnthought, it’s cool. I was hoping to give others with the gift of laughter :)
“Never trust extremely hairy people in mesh shirts with accents.”
yo, the same could be said in reference to the jamaicans on the ave selling everything from insence, to bootlegs, to “gold” jewelry…
well u made me smile…. Hope u feel better today than yesterday. I’m laughing abt the laptop. I hope u got it 4 a good bootlegged price like 50 dollars – and if u did get it 4 that u can’t expect more. That sucks abt the dvd player (fuck that dvd player & its shady ass.) I had a dvd player 4 $100 it was a piece of crap so I brought one at wally world 4 $30, its been thru hell after dealing with my niece and everybody else and 3 years later its still going hard. happy “start a forest fire” day (well not in the east, the rain there has been plenty.) but nonetheless be safe and have a good one
You can catch the BET performances on their website. As for your wireless, do you have verizon? Have you changed your verizon e-mail password lately? If so, just call then and they can reset it quickly.
Sorry buddy, I feel your pain, but that was hilarious!!
Please tell me this laptop came with all the programs pre-installed….that would be one heck of a deal……but you know every fourth one of those deals is bad…..you were just one number too late or too early…
good luck on that one…
But thanks….you had me rolling!!
Sorry buddy, I feel your pain, but that was hilarious!!
Please tell me this laptop came with all the programs pre-installed….that would be one heck of a deal……but you know every tenth one of those deals is bad…..you were just one number too late or too early…
But thanks….you had me rolling!!
@ TI, Yep, pretty much all of the software was already on here, so it made it worth the crackhead price tag. I posted all three of the comments you attempted to leave, since your sale statistics kept changing…lol.
@ Brwn-eyes, I’m going to see if I can’t just replace the remote somehow, since that’s the only thing messed up.
@ Hostess, I think that was it. It appears to be working fine now.
as for your Cobe remote… I was gonna say “you get what you pay for”, but in my opinion, at $29.99 you ought to be changing channels on the Doppler Radar. I’m cheap, tho.
at Star Jones & B-Walt… I’m happy for Star and happier for Barb. Why? Star needs a new platform and B-Walt is one interview away from being bought up on charges her DAMN self. I know somebody SOMEWHERE got dirt on her… SPEAK UP! RUIN THAT HEFFA!
at your misfortune with the laptop… I suggest pullin one on some unsuspecting college student and using the profit to get a LEGIT laptop. then solicit your Readers to give you software to load on the laptop, so you dont have to buy it. Certainly somebody on here works in the IT dept. Thats how I got my Adobe Photoshop… b/c you KNOW my $29.95 Hoshitoshi remote having-a$$ aint finsta pay $600+ for the program. Hell 2-tha-naw!
LEGGS
I was just having innanet problems, reset my verizon password and pow it’s all working well. As for your laptop there’s no such thing as a free lunch. just my 2 cents.