This morning on the bus, a man accidentally tapped a big lady(who was taking up almost two seats, by the way) with his bookbag. He apologized, but she proceeded to curse him out and call him everything short of a Child of God right in front of someone’s little child and everyone else on the somewhat crowded bus. It led me to wonder: Where did that “jolly fat people” myth come from? It had to be something make-believe, like Santa Claus. Or maybe it’s because Buddha’s rotund image is a universal symbol of inner peace. Lately, it seems that every swollen, sweaty, big draws-wearing individual I’ve ever met has been miserable.
Ok, maybe not every single one, but a good 75% of them. Yes, I did the math. I have a piece of paper with algebraic figures scrawled on it right next to me, showing how I came to this number. You know it’s serious when I actually break down and do math in regard to something that does not have to do with money.
Just this week alone, I had a swollen lesbian heffer try to pic a fight with me on Independence Day, I witnessed that bookbag debacle on the bus this morning, and about an hour ago, I also had a fat guy working at Rite Aid get an attitude because I actually wanted to purchase something and make him get up from the stool his big ass was perched atop. If furniture could speak, that stool would have cried out for me to kill it, just to put a stop to it’s unimaginable pain and suffering. I should have walked out with the newspaper and bottle of orange juice. It’s not like that lazy bastard was going to chase after me. Still, I did the right thing, and made him walk across to the other side of the back of the counter to get some cigarettres, knowing that I don’t smoke. Then I told him that I didn’t want them so he could void the transaction and have to walk back over to the back and put them away again. Yes, it was petty, and yes, I had too much free time on my hands this morning…But I did him a favor. He needed the excercise.
Now, before you all think this is totally anti-big people, there was one redeeming big person moment for today that gives hope for the rest of them. I saw a flat-out beautiful big woman as I was leaving Rite Aid and walking down the street. She was holding it DOWN for he big girls. Holding it down like a bad credit report. Holding it down like a criminal record. Holding it down like cement shoes. I really didn’t care that she looked bigger and stronger than me(that’s what usually turns me off with big girls). Only reason I didn’t go introduce myself and say something charming is because she gave me that “Uh huh, I see you want to come over here, but don’t waste your time” look. It was too early in the morning for me to be battling with her defense mechanisms. The fact that she had that reaction so quickly before she even got a good look at me, tells me that she obviously gets this kind of attention a lot.
Technically, I could call her mean too for giving me that look, but I genuinely think she just did not want to get hollered at and harassed at 9 in the morning. I can respect that. I’m generally not a morning person either. What she did wasn’t mean, but it damn sure was not jolly. Therefore, my I say that we the people reserve the word “jolly” strictly for Santa Claus references and never again assume it applies to all fat people.
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I really have to tell you that your page makes my day every morning. its nice to read about someone who feels the same way I do about stuff but has the arena to voice it! Keep doing what you doing and for the record, I am a Fatty – Hater too! But thats cause, if your blac, or white, you cant change it, if your male or female thats something that you are born with even in my opinion, gay people are born that way, but Fat people……..come on, they look in the mirror everymorning just like anyone else and before they got to be that big, even if that was five years old, they could have went to the doctor, jenny craig,weight watchers, something! Shoot I gained an extra 15 pounds and went to a meeting and the ggym just in case!
It’s summer. It’s hot. If you were carrying around extra weight, you might not be too pleased eaither. He’ll I’m a small lady and I get pissed sometimes when it’s hot!
lmao.. hahahaaa whew.. hahahaaa :)
go head and light the match..u goin straight to hell
*dead at the rite aid dude*
No you did not say: perched atop!
OMG – hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh at work.
Your fat attack is rude and unnecessary
@ Misha, some people have physical conditions that don’t allow them to work out, and others are just fucked from a genetic standpoint. So I do have sympathy for some big people. I just don’t like the bitter ones LOL
@ Hostess, true. All that extra “person” they’re carrying around has to get hot.
@ Daddy’s Girl, I’m going to redeem myself one day :)
@ Mary, no problem at all. It was my pleasure
@ Anonymous, I knew I was going to piss off some folks with this entry. People get really sensitive when it comes to the topic of weight. Then again, if you’ve been here before, you know I have a shallow asshole side that finds it’s way out of me every couple of entries or so. Hope my inner jackass didn’t ruin your day.
Okay, so I am getting ready to go back to hell(work) and decide to stop by this page. I was LMAOF, When my sister comes to see what has disturbed her sleep only to say, that is true I thought all fat people were jolly. Maybe you have caught the unjolly ones at an bad time,i.e,before lunch, during a doctor ordered fast, or they just ran out of chicken at popeyes, etc. So I want to apologize for all of my rather large and hungry brothers and sister. and thanks for dispelling the myth that all skinny people are not evil.
LoL…that’s pretty horrid.
Not all fat people have an unpleasant disposition you know. I personally blame television. All those losing weight programmes have managed to demonise overweight people.
Then again, I hear there is a serious problem with obesity in the states.
Hi, btw. Brilliant blog. Pissed myself laughing.
Cheers,
Firefly
As always Leon, you keep it hella funny!
No fat people are not always “jolly.” (I’m a thick chick…I can comment) Us big people are just a little nervous. At any moment during the day, someone will feel comfortable about calling you out for not being below a size 10. News flash, even if you are going to the gym…you will still look fat until you reach your goal weight. (Skinny idiots.) Anyhow, I too noticed that most of the larger people I see on the daily aren’t smiling but I figured it was because they were just one “Don’t you think you want a salad?” comment away from choking somebody. Oh and the sista who was representin’… you would be surprised by the number of people turned on by the extra curve. How’s that song go…”The only thing a skinny woman can do for me is bring me a big girl!”
Skinny people are pissed because they’re always hungry and fat people are pissed because they have trouble breathing. It’s all messed up.
*lol*, You are 2 fools and a half!
Fat people are jolly when they eating, have you noticied that?
Shit, I’m happy when I’m eating…
But I feel you, they always have attitudes and then wanna hate on me and be mad at me for being skinny.
Most people have the ability to get fat and there’s always something you can do about it before its too late. They just chose not to.
I look at it like this, cause some people say I’m thin and I need to get thicker and some say I’m just fine. But I say fuck them, if you want me to get thicker, cause its easier to gain weight than to lose it, so I ain’t tryna add no unnecessary pounds so I can look like a video chic….
my fat boyfriend just broke up with me…maybe there’something in the air…
Usually I take most blog comments with a grain of salt, but had to comment.
“Most people have the ability to get fat and there’s always something you can do about it before its too late. They just chose not to. ”
Nsane Lee Sane,
Your comment reinforces the fact that you are still young and unseasoned (lol, couldn’t help it), and still have some living to do. Yes, becoming fat is a choice for the majority of fat Americans, but even getting in or escaping that condition is not the choice/case for many. There are so many people that take drugs such as steroids for asthma, antipsychotic drugs for bipolar disorders/traumatic stress syndrome, and antidepressant medications such as Lithium for depression. Unfortunately, our Uncle Sam ain’t housing these folks like they did years before any more unless they shoot up a crowd or stalk/kill a major celebrity now. There are even some diabetes medicines out there that increase weigh gain when gaining weight is lethal for some diabetics. I suggest you (And you too Hustleman, need a little extra wisdom sometimes..) take some time and chat more with Big Momma, Great-Aunt Bessie, and get to know Sister Eula more from church. Make friends with a nurse also. And as you circulate out in this lovely world of ours, you will know that in most cases that the cursing fat lady, and the swollen lesbian heifer probably did not take their daily meds and will take it out on the rest of us. If given a choice, I’ll take a fat crazy person over a skinny crazy person any day….it’s easier to run from them.
Sage, I hope you weren’t offended in any way, however, fat runs on both sides of my family, so its in my genes. But I made it my choice, during and after my pregnancy not to become overweight. I remained in constant motion. My weight fluctuates so I have to maintain it. I’ve been 160lbs being 5’4 and thats overweight for my height. But then too, I was eating like it was no tommorow. I coulda kept going, but I can’t go out like that, so I did something about it. Its not easy at all and you have to have strong will power to maintain your weight.
How can I put this?
Ok, Newton’s First Law…
“An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion …”
I can truly agree with this in regards to weight and exercise…when I don’t do exercise, I am lazy and lay around, when I do exercise, I find it hard to sit still….
Although, some work out and are healthy, they will still have a different shape and weight class. The Creator didn’t want all of us, skinny nor did he want us all fat. However, being unhealthy is still on that particular person…its hard but that person would have to want it in their heart and work hard to get there…
But its not my body, so if you like it I love it, I guess my experiences of gettin hated on all came from overweight chics with issues of their own, but don’t take it out on me while you still eating fried chicken cooked in lard…its the BOMB, but its not healthy..people just get complacent…and then take in out on other folks…shit at anytime, I could get fat like my grandmothers, aunts and Sister Eula…
I know many diabetic people and they work hard to stay healthy to reduce weight gain. They have to change the foods they eat. Its still a person choice regardless if I’m unseasoned or not…*lol*
And just don’t let that fat person catch you cause its over, they tend not to feel anything….I know…*lol*
whats up, someone forwarded this blog to me. COMEDY! what i’ve always found funny about fat people is they’ll laugh at any other people when a joke is being made but when the fat jokes come out *crickets*
Leon, your so silly..I was laughing my ass off..and the more I thought about it, you are right, fat people are mean. For example, I never realize it, but it has truth to it…me, I’m a size 16..so that makes me a big girl…now I love being me very much I know I’m beautiful so that makes me kind cocky…so me being “cocky + big” makes me believe I’m unstoppable.., and realizing that I’m bigger than others has me believing I should use this to my advantage…I’m not gonna lie, there are times when I push pass people just because I know I can get away with it, shit I’m bigger so who is gonna try to take me on?…except when I meet a bigger “big” girl…then I’m jolly cause face it, I won’t win that battle…lol