I’VE BEEN VIOLATED!
The other day, a woman treated me like a piece of meat. It was deplorable. It was dispicable. It was ironic, because I was hoping to treat her like an object later on that night. Let me explain.
There was this one cute woman I spotted on the dance floor at the place I was at. I strolled over, on some grown man Billy Dee Willams shit. I whispered something in her ear. Don’t ask me what I said, because my drunken recollection is not being fully cooperative. Whatever it was, it worked. We danced together for at least 6 songs.
After I went over to the side to talk to my people for awhile, she came over and pulled me back because the same two funny looking guys that had been bothering her and her friend all night would not leave her alone. She said “If anyone asks, you’re my man”
I responded to her statement by saying, “Well, if that’s the case, then I’m about to take advantage of having such a sexy girlfriend.” Usually, I hate when someone tries to make me the “Designated Boyfriend” to keep corny guys away, but sometimes I capitalize on it.
So we grinded and groped each other for about 15-20 more minutes in the name of “dancing” I asked her for her number. She then said “I can’t. I have a boyfriend. I was using you for your body out there”
I laughed, because that wasn’t the response I expected. Then I said, “Well shit, you may as well get the most out of using me for my body. It gets WAY better than this!”
But alas, I was unsuccessful. She stayed relatively faithful, which is a good thing, I guess. I have enough bad stuff to repent and atone for before Judgement Day. Breaking up that happy home might tip the scales out of my favor. Right now, I know I’m walking on a thin line as far as eternal damnation for my fuckups. So that’s why I share them with you all. If I can bring smiles to people’s faces by sharing some of the crazy shit I do and say, then hopefully that bit of good will help once I’m at the Pearly Gates, checking to see if St. Peter has me on the VIP admission list.
In case y’all can’t tell, I watched a couple of tv sermons this morning over at my Grandma’s house :)
*edit* One more thing, I’m over here watching “Waiting To Exhale”, waiting to get to one of the single greatest scenes in cinema history: The part where the drug addict boyfriend is talking shit to Lela Rochon’s character, and says “Ya raggedy bitch!” Main man was wearing a leather vest in the hot ass Arizona sun, telling her to be careful picking up men in grocery stores. I swear I am going to buy the DVD one day so I can just skip to that scene and play it on repeat.
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u aren’t too worried about being on that VIP list, huh? LOL I woulda used you for ya body too!!!
btw… are you ready for some football????
Congratulations! U R a human being, as humans we won’t stop f*ckin up until they throw dirt in our face. BTW that sounded like a night where testosterone finally got a little taste of estrogen. Welcome to the world of continuous violations.
i dont see why u complainin u still got some T n A groppin that girls still a hoe lol U still won man! Love ya kikimia
Lol. The St. Peter line is priceless. So is that scene in Waiting to Exhale. But if memory recalls (and sometimes it doesn’t) wasn’t that “Leon” playing the vested crackman? He kills me.
Everytime I watch Waiting to Exhale I ponder why the hell he’s wearing that fit….
some hot chick groping u…. u know ya liked it… maybe this is the beginning of a sexy woman using u for your body career… u never know it would prevent u from needed to pulling off the “cash money dental crown affair” – lol…. :)
That scene is funny as hell. Didn’t dude say something about her meeting his momma right before he started throwing oranges at her?
@ Mahogany Elle: That was Mykelti Williamson who was the brotha in the vest. Mykelti is probably best known for his role as Bubba in Forrest Gump.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHA too funny