Over the course of the last few days, I have come to one solid conclusion: I am really going to have to assault someone at a Metro station.
Now, I’m not a violent person by nature, but when taking public transportation, people just seem to do things to test my patience. It seems like this week, it’s been consistently happening at the worst possible time. Not that there is a good time to be harassed by grimy street urchin, but some days, I just have no patience for it whatsoever.
Let’s start off with Saturday. I’m walking past a station in DC, and some lady was sitting on a stoop begging people for money. I was particularly upset at my fiscal situation that day, so the last thing I wanted to hear was “Can I have some of your money?”
When she asked, I just walked past the lady and didn’t say anything. All I did was shake my head “no” so she would know that she’s not gettig a thing from me. So after I got about halfway past her, I heard her yell “THAT’S OK. I’M'LL REMEMBER YOUR FACE!”
At that point, I stopped in my tracks, turned to her and said “Go on and remember it bitch! Thafuck YOU gonna do to ME?! You can’t whup me, old lady!” Then I walked off laughing.
About a block later, reality sank in that I just cursed out an old lady who appeared homeless and most likely had a drug problem. I felt bad.
Then I remembered that I wasn’t the one that stuck a crack pipe in her mouth and told her to smoke her life away. So in essence, what I did could be considered “tough love.” I may have saved that old lady’s life. That made me smile again.
That next day, around 4PM, I was at the Silver Spring station waiting for a bus when this guy who appeared about 24 years old started staggering over to where I was. He was quite obviously drunk off his ass in the hot sun in public on a Sunday afternoon. Who did he choose to approach out of all the people waiting for the bus? You guessed it…
The guy walked up to about 1 foot away from where I was sitting, with his jaws open like he was either trying to say something, or trying to kiss me on the mouth. Either way, the shit was way too close for comfort.
I said “Dude, get the fuck away from me.”
He didn’t respond. He just stood there looking like a fool lost in the desert staring at a mirage. I then got up from my seat, fists clenched, and said “Get away from me or I will beat your motherfuckin’ ass”, all the while, looking him dead in his disgusting yellow eyes.
This time, he staggered back about a half a step, and looked as if he was reaching for something to lean on. At that point, I noticed some lady and her small child was right nearby, so I felt guilty for thinking of busting this fool’s chops, especially since he could hardly stand. That’s when I said “Look man, I don’t want to have to make this ugly. Just go over there or something” and pointed to my right.
This time, the guy staggered away, only to go bother someone else. I did the right thing and used my conflict mediation skills I learned in high school, as well as my “negotiate with drunk people” skills I learned when I was the World’s Smallest Bouncer working at the club.
Now, out of all the stories, this one made me the angriest. Mainly because it was the one that I almost fell victim to. Some guy was standing near one of those snack carts near a metro station, and for some reason, he was putting water from the bottle he bought in his mouth, and just spitting it on the sidewalk as people walked by. The fool almost got me, which made me yell “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN!” He ducked back behind the snack cart, but I didn’t chase him because I was in a hurry to get somewhere. The main thing that pissed me off was that I was wearing Chucks that day. Had that spit hit my shoes, it would have soaked through the canvas and made my feet wet. Spit-covered feet is definitely a good reason to want to kick someone’s ass. At least I think so.
Once again, not that I advocate violence…But who does things like that?
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hahahahahaha. perfect stories. i’d say you might have to kick someone’s ass. At least you didn’t have the homeless dude start jacking off on the train…
MB
I feel for you. That is why I drive anything with four wheels. Look on the bright side my second day of working in B-more involved a little old white man shuffling across the street with his ding-a-ling blowing in the wind asking me to help him pull his pants up! All I was trying to do was cross the damn street. I guess that is what I get for crossing the damn street in front of a bus stop!
People are always acting up on the metro. I too wonder if one day I will have to resort to metro violence. Craziness.
“I may have saved that old lady’s life. That made me smile again.”
LOL
I seem to be a magnet for people that are drunk or just want to talk about nothing at all, the worst are drunk people that want to dap you up. I’ve resorted to speaking spanish, staring with malicious intent and closing my eyes while reciting, “I can’t believe she did that, I should kill her and her whole family, dear God don’t let nobody get in my way today!”
I def can relate to this blog. I hate catching the metro cause somebody always seem to try and f*** with me everyday. But….. driving from Gaithersburg to Bethesda everyday would kill my pockets. So… i just gotta deal with the crazy and deranged.
Uhhh… I think this has something more to do with karma. Have any sins that are gettin back at ya ass? Think about it for a sec before you reply angrily lol Anyways, the stories are still funny !!
keep on keepin on!
kikimia
Strange things happen on the Metro DC area bus system. I don’t think it’s you it’s DC.
ha..you are so funny… water soaking through the Chucks and the tough love,…. you also got some pretty cool skills..chicks dig guys with skills…even the “negotiate with drunk people” ones.
peace
i’m glad we don’t have subways and shit like that. some dude walked up to me and my friends at the mall monday night. i don’t if he was crazy or drunk, but i dodn’t stick around to find out.
LOL @ Worlds Smallest Bouncer
…sup breezy…why are you on the metro so much…thought you got your car fixed from the accident?
Man! I’m telling you. You need to stay off of the metro. It causes way too much stress.
“He just stood there looking like a fool lost in the desert staring at a mirage.”
Boy, I swear. U ’bout to have me fall out my damn chair. LMAO!