This morning, a gay dude tried to holler at me. I know, I know…I’ve already written about this happening before, most famously, the entry about Maurice at The Corner Bakery and the serenade at the bus station. This time, I saw it coming, though. The guy who started speaking to me didn’t look flamboyant or effiminate. He looked like a normal dude. I only could tell by the way that he looked at me when I was going to the Metro escalator(yep, another bad experience on DC public transportation), that he was either gay as hell, or going to ask me for money. It was a look that said that he wanted something that I had. I was hoping to the Sweet Lord above that all he wanted was money and not my booty.
This fool came up to me, despite the death stare I gave him once he got within 10 feet, and asked me for directions to L’Enfant Plaza Metro station. After I told him how to get there, he tried to make small talk. He said he just moved to the area and asked me what I like to do for fun. I said “I like to go out with women and have sex with them. Vaginas feel good.” I was hoping that he would take it as a sign to leave me alone and go find another person to bother.
Undeterred, he then said “Me and you should hang out sometime. Let’s exchange numbers.”
I replied “Nah bro. That shit ain’t happening. I don’t get down with dudes.”
He then said “What makes you think I was implying tha…”
This is when I cut him off, mid-bullshit-sentence. I said “Come on man, you’re a dude, and I’m a dude. I’ve hollered at enough women to recognize it when someone else is doing it. Hell, I used that same sentence you did on a chick the other day. You’re not fooling anyone. Just cut your losses and save the lines for someone who likes the same thing you do.”
At that point, dude was laughing, as if to say “Alright man, you got me.” Luckily, the train came, so I was able to get away from Sweet Tooth Sammy, or whatever his name was. It got me to thinking, though…Why does this keep happening to me?
I remember on an episode of “Friends” where people kept saying that Chandler had a “quality” that makes him appear gay, or at the very least, gay friendly. I’m wondering if gay people see a “quality” in me, or if they just bother me because I’m not what you’d call an ugly dude. If 81.4% of all women at least think I’m cute, then I guess that means some gay dudes will, too. Ah well. Who knows…Who cares…The Hell with it.
Oh yeah, I mentioned the woman I approached on Wednesday. She was different from the ones I usually flirt with, but she was fine as hell, so I had to say something to her when she sat down on the train in the seat directly in front of me. I sent a text message to my friend Tamara in Los Angeles that read: My mojo is gone! I can’t think of a way to open up conversation with this chick in front of me.
Her response was officially the funniest text message of the week. She wrote: Go with “What it is hoe, what’s up? Can a nigga just keep in touch?” That should get her.
After laughing to myself, I went ahead and just said some random observation and got her attention. This woman was born in the US, raised in Italy, and studied in England. She works as an interpreter and speaks 6 different languages fluently. That said, I somehow do not believe that “What is is hoe, what’s up? Can a nigga just keep in touch?” will register with any of the languages she speaks. I can’t totally make fun of Tamara’s reply, though. It made me laugh, which made her turn and look in my direction. Which then made me say the first thing that came to mind. Which in turn made her laugh. Which finally opened the gates for further conversation. So in essence, Tamara gets an assist, even if she was just being silly. Thanks buddy!
*Edit*
Since it’s Friday, I decided to throw in an extra bonus YouTube clip for you all. Each and every Friday from now on, I am going to try to put an obscure, yet funny clip on here. Kind of like how The Daily Show ends with it’s “Moment of Zen.” This is ListenToLeon’s “Random Clip Of The Week.” This week: Officer Self-Hate
” If 81.4% of all women at least think I’m cute, then I guess that means some gay dudes will, too. Ah well. Who knows…Who cares…The Hell with it”
Gay men have a tendancy to be divas…not all of them…but most of them…you obviously exsude confidence (u know my ass cant spell) and possibly some arogance … in turn possibly giving off a slight..diva/gay vibe…lmao…you just love yourself ahahaha..tone it down hehee
“Sweet Tooth Sammy” hahahahahahahahahahah
I hate that black ass wesley snipes….
Yeah me too…but Forrest Whitaker neck…ewwwww
“gay friendly”….now that was funny!
that was funny…sorry men keep trying to push up on ya…you handled it well tho’
While I admit my gaydar isn’t as sensitive as my girl Goldie’s (se was at Left Bank last year), I don’t get gay vibes from you. And I don’t think she did either. Or else I’m sure she wouldn’ve added you to her list of, “You sure?? Cus he seems gay.” Don’t worry bout it man. As their ranks and numbers grow in DC, the gays are getting more aggressive. But now you should know how women feel.
Lenux -
My sister works @ Vibe Vixen and found your website… She was like “Did you know Leon has a funny blog?” lol
Long Story Short, she showed it to my mom who thought it was hilarious……
What is the world coming to?! I never thought my mom would enjoy your blog! Your blog is taking on a life of its own!!
The only request I have is that you please please please don’t take any more photos w/ your shirt off (Bird Chest Man :-)
LET’S GET YOU PUBLISHED HOMEY…
despite the death stare
—————
Now you see what we be going through all day long:(
You keep getting hit on by dudes cause u live in DC! lol
ROTFLMAO. hahahaaaaaa its cause you YELLA
Homie, this blog post was off the hook. I hate black peppa!
I used to get hit on by gay dudes alot…the real problem was these cats did it like an ignorant straight man tries to get chicks. I swear a gay dudes life was saved cause I had on headphones one day. Suffice it to say that a gay man should not try to hit on a dude by yelling that he’s cute from a floor up in the gallery…bad things happen.
Bonus points for that clip. Probably the funniest shit in that whole movie!
My ex used to say that comedy was always a deal breaker in getting a chick’s attention… the moment you make her laugh, that’s it. Of course, i don’t ever remember laughing at him, and we were together for over 5 years! :-\
As far as homeboy…. HILARIOUS. But it doesn’t surprise me that some of them have game techniques no different from their hetero counterparts.
@ Peach, alright…I’ll tone it down >:-(
That’s the angry face, in case you can’t tell…
@ Anonymous, that name efinitely fit after the conversation we had.
@ DJ, I try
@ Anonymous, It’s getting kind of old now. I’m going to need gay people to do like telemarketers with the “Do Not Call” list, and put me on the “Do Not Harass” list
@ Hostess, I am sorry for any time that I may have made any unwelcome sexual advances toward you, now that I can sympathize with your plight
@ KJ, that’s funny. You’re just mad ’cause your momma and sister were probably checking me out LOL
But seriously, we’ll talk this week.
@ Ms Fierce, nice legs:)
@ Da Rattler, I might need to move
@ Bklyn, you’re just as yella as me!
LOL @ Hassan
@ Amadeo, glad you had the headphones on. I don’t think you’d be able to blog from jail…lol
LOL @ Tasha…My sense of humor is what gets me over. I’m not tall enough to be a sexy mofo…I have to compensate with my jokes and the wang…LOL
I don’t get the vibe from you, but I guess I’m “gay friendly” as well since lesbians can’t leave me the hell alone!
I constantly have to wear my “I Heart Penis” Tee and yank the LIFELONG membership out my wallet and still…they keep coming strong. Damn DC aggressive ass women, know when “no” means “hell the f*ck naw!”
dudes hit on you cuz you yellow and have that good hair – juicy got ‘em crazy, ju, ju, ju, juicy!
Maybe because you are gay! Time to realize it, other gay men have that’s why they’re trying to holla.
LOL @ tenacious. I don’t blame them…lol
@ Nubiantemptress, your favorite new reader also fits that same description…lol
@ anonymous, don’t you think it’s pretty gay that you chose to say what you said anonymously? Next time, state your name before you talk shit, hoe.
Let’s be clear here! Being what you would call a man’s man! Most males give off an essence of curiosity! It is that millimeter of the curiosity that will attract the most veteran homosexual. Most men these days are what society has labeled metrosexual. Which in my opinion is a straight man who is just trying to taste how it is to be a fabulous homsexual. Stay on your own side of the tracks, sweety! Nevertheless, the majority of homosexuals have the same confidence that most hetersexual people have: “there isn’t a man i can’t get straight or gay”. Just like the majority of hetrosexual men feel like they can get any lesbian.
So don’t get offended! This isn’t the 1930′s! Take it as a compliment! A respectfull one at that. Because from what you stated he did not disrespect you or violent you in any way! You did the right thing in being upfront and direct!
It’s just like the Jehova’s Witnesses oming to your door on Saturday morning. If you not interrested just say no thanks! One thing our society needs to learn and accept is the need for tolerance. Not acceptance. But tolerance. Because it is your choice not to accept someone’s lifestyle or situation but as being a human being. Tolerance should be something we should all add to our personalities.
By the way, cute blog. I think I will get a memebership now!
@ TBone, you did a great job of putting things in perspective. I appreciate that.