Today’s post was inspired by a friend of mine, one of the greatest bartenders DC has ever seen, Sekou. Before any of you ask, no, I am not working on trying to ge some free drinks this weekend, although it would be nice, and I would most definitely consume them like a champ. This is written because I ran into him this weekend at the card table, and he suggested that I write about the trash talk that goes on during a heated game of spades, since it’s something everyone can relate to, especially this time of year with all the cookouts.
That idea in itself is a great one, but you all know me…I have a couple of stories that relate to it. The first one, being the story of how my Freshman year roomate at Hampton stopped speaking to me for a couple of weeks over a heated game of Spades.
The first week of school, my roommate(we’ll call him…Toby) invited me to go play cards with him and this girl who went to Hampton University’s Pre-College summer program with him. Since he knew a lot more people than I did thanks to his attending that program, I agreed to go play. It helped that it was in the lobby of a girl’s dorm. I figured, if nothing else, I would enjoy the eye-candy walking by.
What the roommate did not tell me is that his partner in the game was a card shark. I later found out that this girl had been playing in card tournamnts since she was 15 years old. This fool brought in a ringer and set me up like Marion Barry with the FBI sting. In Toby’s defense, nobody told Mayor Barry to hit that crack pipe, and nobody told me to stick around at that table once I saw Card Shark girl do some dealer trick with the card deck I had never seen before in my life before we even started playing. My partner in the game was cute, though…so I figured I’d play and flirt from across the table.
The flirting didn’t last long. Toby and Card Shark started beating the black off us and talking BIG sh*t. Normally, I would not have gotten mad, but I felt victimized and helpless. I had to check the deck, because Card Shark was calling out what me and my partner were going to throw down before we even knew what we were going to play. My pride was taking a long, slow beating at the hands of a trout-mouthed card hustler and my trash-talking roommate. Even though there was no money involved, it was worse than anything you would ever see on The World Series of Poker.
Things got out of hand when Toby started snatching the books out of my hand and saying “Oops! That’s our book! Oh, That’s our book too!” in a really effimnate manner. He even had his wrists flailing about as if the cards were too heavy for them to support. It was a disgusting display of girly-boy arrogance, rivaled only by the likes of Morris Day, Little Richard, and Andy Dick.
After about the sixth time he did it(told you they were whupping us), I said “Man, why don’t you stop acting like a b*tch and play cards! You sound like a little girl, talking ’bout ‘oops!’ and sh*t. And stop touching my hand reaching for the books!”
Toby didn’t appreciate that, considering half the lobby heard what I said and looked at him.
So he stood up.
Then I stood up.
Then he looked down at the floor and sat back down. He mumbled stuff under his breath for the last deal or two until the card-whupping finally ended. I felt bad about punking him in front of a lobby full of girls later on that evening. When I apologized, he said nothing to me. As a matter of fact, he said nothing to me for about two weeks. He held that grudge like a vice grip. Eventually, he started speaking again, but things were never quite the same.
The second story about spades is less about trash talk, but more about me getting drunk and angering my partner. Senior year, my best friend and I were playing strip spades against these two women from out of town staying at my apartment. Well, the liquor hit me, and we got whupped.
Let me correct that before E reads this and puts the truth in the comment section. We didn’t get whupped. I started making stupid mistakes and stopped focusing once I got really drunk. The game was stopped once we ended up in our draws, because it was my apartment and I’ll be damned if me and my boy are gonna be naked while the women are still 3/4 of the way clothed(they only took of their shirts, but still had bras on). I let us down, and I’m not proud of that. The sad thing is, neither one of us did any humping that night, so it was all for nothing. The only consolation is that once I woke up that next morning, I had a funny story to tell. E still refuses to play spades with me to this day. The man was traumatized…So to E, I offer my apologies. Next time I play strip spades, I’m staying sober and I’m cheating my ass off!
Oh yeah…Once again: Vote ListenToLeon.blogspot.com “Best Humor Blog,” especially since they said it’s cool for folks to vote however many times they want. So go on over and vote some more, since time is running out.
i’m having a hella crappy day at work, and this entry really made me laugh. thanks,your entries are always hilarious.
Oh my… the Spades Card Shark… that’s my older brother all day long… I’m good, and I learned everything I know about the game from him at a young age, but it is obvious that he kept a few trade secrets from me… And your roomate was acting like a damn girl, so he should have got called out about it…
And the Strip Spades story is funny…
The last time I played spades I was drunk and killing…I think normally I’m worried about not being the one to lose for my team. When I was drunk I was just pulling in books…plus I was out of town at a conference so I all arrogant, cocky and flirty.
This is worstPure theory of the sex game – funny content see it.
No problem @ Dee-lish. Glad you enjoyed it
@ Miss Jessi, I can hold my own sober, but when I get drunk, I start cracking jokes and my concentration fades.
@ Amadeo, that’s how I am when I play pool. I play better drunk for some reason. When I am sober, I remember that I suck at pool, and it shows.
@ Bigmac, unfortunately, I do not speak Portuguese, so I need to get that link translated. The only things I definitely figured out were the pictures lol.
I’m glad I don’t know how to play spades, when it comes to losing anything I’m a sore loser.
i found out about your blog from the awards website and ive been reading it for a few weeks. you are a crazy and funny dude. and i did vote for you a few times. good luck
i have no idea how to play spades, but this was a good entry blog boy!
Sounds like you suck at spades, but I’m not any good so who am I to talk. That card shark you talk about sounds like everyone in my family..I think that’s why I never got good because if you lose a game for them then you’re bound to get cut, same goes for dominoes. lol but I might suck but truth be told I’d probably kick the average spades player ass from all my experiences with card sharks
my friend taught me a long time ago to play spades…after he taught me…i kicked him and his girlfriends ass…ever since then when his GF aint around im his partner and we’re unbeatable to the point no one even wants to try us…lol…i always run my mouth that i can have a rookie for a partener and we will still beat everyones ass…and i still to this day can beat my teacher. :)
Like des, I found out about your blog through the award website. You got my vote…..you are maddd funny. GOOD LUCK!
Now, when it comes to spades, I’m pretty damn hard to beat, drunk or sober. But you know what really sucks? When you’ve talked so much sh*t that you have to resort to playing with a computer partner and you get the partner that SUCKS!!!!
“Adrian”- that’s a mighty nice name- a damn good name. Matter of fact, if I were going to have me a man child, I would name him Adrian. Yes, I would. Oh wait- I already did.