I am in the midst of another drought, my friends. It’s been a significant amount of time since Leon Jr. jr. has gone swimming in the warm waters of anyone’s inviting vagina. It’s also been a minute since anyone has applied their lips to Leon Jr. jr. and told him how special he is in that oh-so-caring way that I enjoy so dearly. I’m not going to go into specifics, because a lot of you readers who just might be undergoing longer droughts than mine might get angry and take out your no-booty-getting angst on me in the comments section. All I’m saying is, the signs of my drought are becoming noticable.
There are different stages to the degree of how horny an individual gets. Personally, I’m quickly approaching a Stage 3 Horniness Alert. Please allow me to break down the different levels of horniess…
Level 1: Initial horniness. No need to be alarmed. It’s human nature.
Level 2: The urge to act on your horniness has struck. One may or may not make a booty call or resort to masturbation at this point.
Level 3: Everything keeps coming back to sex. You could be having a conversation about football, and your mind jumps to thoughts of that cheerleader from your high school that you ran into at your class reunion last weekend, and how good she looked in that sexy little dress…and how you want to make her reach for things that aren’t there…and make her uterus do the Harlem Shake…and share an experience of pleasure and lots of JOY!!(hint-hint if you’re reading this)
As you can see, I’m DEFINITELY at Level 3 right now.
Level 4: You start finding sexually appealing qualities in people whom you would never normally consider having sex with at all. That 40 year old lady working at the 7-11′s ass starts to get that much phatter, and you forget about her little Adam Morrison moustache…To the ladies, the skinny dude with the oversized wifebeater on his bird chest at the car wash begins to intrigue you with his “wax on, wax off” motions. You daydream of his bony ass detailing more than just your car. This is when alcohol can cause bad judgement calls to happen, which might lead to ugly people getting laid.
Level 5: “CODE 10! CODE 10! THIS IS JOE CLARK! GET THEM CHAINS OFF THE DOOR! THE ENEMY’S HERE!” This is when the you-know-what hits the fan. The very extreme. Something freaky is about to go down, and it’s just a matter of when, where, who, and what. If you’re at this stage, you probably need therapy. Possibly emergency crisis intervention. Stay away from drugs, sharp objects, cell phones and the internet. The things that happen at this point are usually quite illegal.
There you have it. Most normal people may have been to Level 4. A few may have grazed the surface of Level 5 out of curiosity, but listened to their consciense and stopped themselves from hiring those midget hookers or doing it to that 17 year-old whose birthday is 3 week away (or so she says). Like I said before, once a person scratches the surface of Level 5, SEEK HELP!
Now that I’m at Level 3, I need to either find something to take my mind off doing it, or actually have sex with someone. Only drawback about the second option is that once you’re at Level 3, it’s tougher to get sex. Women KNOW when a dude is getting some butt. The swagger is imminent. It attracts them, whether they realize it or not. When you’re in a drought, if you’re not careful, the desparation can become apparent, which is a turn-off. Hopefully, I can get back what little bit of my swagger is missing before it gets too noticable. Thanks for reading, and here’s to avoiding Level 4!
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I’m so sorry you’re at Level 3… I have definately been to Level 4, but I try to avoid that at all costs… and the “Lean On Me” reference had me DYING… my co-workers look at me like I had lost my mind…
And yes, Level 5 is dangerous… please stay away!
This kind of reminds me of the Levels Of Drunkeness I gave to my brother… there are 5 levels of that too…
Here’s to you (and me too, why I’m trippin) getting some booty sooner than later!
My guy, My guy, My guy!!!! You done broke down the levels of horniness in great deatil. I am not a mack or player or anything like that but I have yet to hit level 4. Wait a minute I think I am lieing. Does not noticeing what they smell like, look like, how many teeth overlap each other, how many tracks in the head showing, and last but not least how many hills you have to climb before you find the crevis called a twat! No offense to the big girls out there now! I love ya’ll! I am just keep it gutter. But if that is level 4! Yeah I been there! Level 5! Never!!! I am to much off an all around opportunist to hit that level. I barley hit Level 4 because what she won’t do “he” will! Did I say that out loud! Oh Lord!
Peace
Thank god I only been to level 2.
Level 2 is the farthest I’ve gone. And thank god I was reunited from this sexy guy from college that I had a crush on! I’da never guessed that he is the freak he is!! Talk about reaching level 10~! woooowhooo~~!!! Speaking of… what time is it… *checking watch*… Oh shit! He’s getting off work now and on his way~~~! YES! YES! YES!!!
*ERROR*
reunited WITH… haha.. the dick is THAT good!
Maybe one of the penthouse ladies will let you lay down on her blanket :-).
sooo now im curious…as im sure everyone else is..how long has it been? Oh and Ive never had any of those levels… lol
kikimia
before i even let it go that far, i play with my toys. i’m satisfied and i don’t regret sleeping with birdchest wifebeater dude :)
Those bird chested wife beater dudes are sometimes the ONES :)
Cmon Hustleman, with all that charm, you have got to be able to pull one decent chick in the DC area?
maybe you should go on a roadtrip to increase your chances of avoiding the next level?
WHATEVA!!!
i’m not believing that the hustleman isn’t gettin’ any.
but….. don’t sweat it, it’ll def happen soon for you.
unfortunately i’m on level 10. no sex to the point where i’m not even interested anymore. lost cause? yeah prolly
I’d say you’ve hit 4.5 without even knowing it. Denial, it aint just a river beginning in Rwanda. What do I base this on? Nigga soliciting chat up lines from the internet for a supposed film clip that will give him an excuse to approach total strangers. If the girl falls for it, he’ll just tuck that camera away and and use her ass as a cum receptor; banging away like it’s 1999. If it all goes wrong and he catches a case, well ni99a already planned his defence ”Well officer/ brothers/ scary ass crackas about to crucify my ass, it was all an elaborate joke. Peep my camera and my award winning website”. Hell, Hustleman’s inspiration’s none other than the guy who does the Buttman series (any relation by the way?).
Right now, it hard to imagine you on the edge of celibacy, but hey, I believe God shuts down the Pleasure Principle for a reason. Hang in there, hopefully there is someone is out there for you that will literally (emotionally, spiritually, metaphysically) blow your mind instead of just making you want to blow a load. Besides I doubt you will get to the last level because you are just too vain for that….
“and make her uterus do the Harlem Shake…”wow you’re a fool for that LOL
I’m definately feelin’ you on this…I’m on Level Three myself, but I’m close enough to Level Four to give it some suga! If things don’t seriously change I’m gone be on the hunt for somebody’s brother, son, uncle, nephew, male friend or cousin…for real!
-Mikah!
LOL, I’m think I’m always at a level 3, whether I’m getting some or not..my sex level is pretty high regardless. as for the drought..sorry to hear that, my problem is.. I don’t have a drought, but it isn’t great sex, it’s not even good sex, it’s just average..and I’m not use to that, so I’d rather be in a drought..sad thing only one of us ends up with a smile on our face and it ain’t me.
Dog, I feel you that was a JOYous sight to see, and if the JOYous sight we are talking about is reading this I can be reached at 202-701-4008.
I was the one with the Gold in his mouth. LMAO!!!!
I will say she was the only one that didn’t fall off from 96.
Doggie, I could just be pulling out of some vagina and still would be ready for her.
That’s how you end a drought.
I mean SERIOUS! “The lord is my shepherd he knows what I want!”
THIS IS TRUE, OH SO TRUE!
2 things: 1) “make her uterus do the Harlem Shake” (which sounds rather pleasurable, by the way), and 2) “Joe Clark”, had me ROLLIN’ at work. Classic. I don’t even know you, and I feel like I could hear you sayin’ these things. Oh, and WOO WOO WOO!
I’m definitely at level 4, and its even worse when your friends are gettin’ some and they proceed to tell you about it. That turns it to level 6 right there.
wow and i just became single again…too bad we’re too far away to comfort eachother..hehe good luck getting some ass :)
its ok….i’m on level 3 too :( but i have found way to stop thinking about sex, especially when at work! FOOD!!! eat all ur favourite junk food and soon you’ll feel so fat and ugly, which will consequently make you lose your sex drive! u wont even want to have sex yet alone think about it! haha
This was so funny! I was loving the “Code 10! Code 10!…The enemy is here!”…Your blogs have me dying laughing over here!