Yesterday, my ex convinced me to go with her to check out the “Crafty Bastards” festival in Adams Morgan, then hit up the Latin Festival on Mt. Pleasant Street, about a block or so from her place. It really didn’t take much convincing, because the Redskins were not playing until 4:15 pm, and after the early “Flavor of Love” episode, I did not have anything planned in the meantime.
After Flavor of Love went off(bye Krazy), I made my way to her neighborhood, and we walked over to the festival. Once there, I see a multitude of random crafts and less-than breathtaking t shirts on sale. Not to knock the all of the artisans, because some items were very nice. It’s just that I felt as if I had to pass three booths of randomness for every one that actually moved me to stop and take a closer look. I think next year, there will be some kind of ListenToLeon booth, because if these folks are actually selling their artst-fartsy stuff, then I can too dammit.
The first sign that this day was going to be blog-worthy was when we walked past a booth of women selling knit hats. One of them said out loud “Girl, he’s cute!” when I walked past the table. I got a good enough glimpse of the women at the table to know that my best couse of action was to keep on walking and act as if I didn’t hear the sub-par chicks talking about me. Only problem is, the ex did. She’s never been good as far as jealousy goes, and even though we’ve been apart for some time now, she took that shit personally. She went on for about 10 minutes about “those disrespectful skull-cap bitches.” I told her that now she knows how I used to feel when we’d go somewhere and guys would look at her like that(which always seemed to happen).
After leaving Adams Morgan, we caught up with two of the ex’s friends, who were of Indian descent. They were ladies, and of the attractive variety. Although this sounds like a good thing, it is not. It sucks to be the only man among a group of women at street festivals and events of the sort. You become the designated boyfriend to each and every one of them as soon as some crusty dude tries to talk to one of them. It’s annoying, because it leads to bitter guys on the sidelines making comments and talking shit when you pass them by. The ex got mad at me a few years ago while walking down the street one night in Adams Morgan when some guys made side comments as we passed them. I responded by saying “Fuck it. While you’re over here hollering, holding your dick, I’m fucking tonight. Go on and make you little comments.”
As she pulled me away, one of them said something about her, and I responded by telling them what a cute couple they make, and asking which one is the girl in the relationship. It could have gotten ugly, but luckily, it didn’t.
Also, she might have also gotten mad because I grabbed her ass in front of them as I said what I said. Either way, I had to become a territorial caveman just to remind those losers know where they stand in the grand scheme of things.
So after running the gauntlet, watching people perform Capieora, and avioding festival food(thanks to a severs case of bubble guts brought on from some chicken I ate at DC Carnival last summer), I finally made it to her place to see the second half of the game. What a game it was! If I run into Santana Moss in the street, I have to shake that man’s hand. That was about as thrilling a finish as you could ask for.
Later that evening, I went outside to take a walk to the 7-11 for some snacks. I got not one block down 16th Street before I see a hispanic man getting his bike thrown to the ground by three small guys. They start fighting, and I get to thinking: Maybe this is my chance to make up for all the bad karma I’ve accumulated in this city drinking and verbally berating people. I should help this man, and at the same time, extend my undefeated streak in parking lot streetfights! I’m gonna run over there, sucker punch the shit out the closest one, then fight the rest dirty as hell! Kidney punches! Groin kicks! Head butts to the bridge of the nose! I’ll be a hero!
Then, I looked over and saw two more MS-13 looking borderline midget hispanic guys come after the bike man. The next thought that ran through my mind was: Maybe I should stay my ass right here out of sight and call the police! That’s a LOT of little angry El Salvadorians to try to handle at once! Besides, I left my handy-dandy hunting knife/grimy nigga attitude adjustor at home.
And before you all talk shit about “Why do you have a hunting knife and you’re not going hunting”, it’s simple. I used to be a WeBeLo. That’s the step after Cub Scouts, and before becoming an actual Boy Scout. The scout’s motto is “Be prepared.” So I sometimes keep the knife on me at night in case I step on some bubble gum on the street and have to scrape if off the sole of my shoe. Or in case I have to shank a motherfucker. Or all of the above.
Luckily, bike man thought along the same lines. He pulled out a knife and chased away his attackers. I saw him calling the police, so I figured I’d keep it moving now that the crisis is over. Besides, I didn’t want to stick around and wait for the police to get there so they can ask me about what I saw and try to get me to make a statement. It was dark, and all those little angry people looked alike in that poorly lighted stretch of 16th Street. I just asked dude if he was alright, then headed on my way to 7-11.
That’s the end of my adventures in Mount Pleasant. Sorry that I didn’t get to bust any heads and make this story more interesting. Then again, bike man might have accidentally stabbed me had I run over there and gotten involved. So yeah, I’ll have to choose another time and place to whup ass for all you readers out there in search of action.
*Update*
The First Annual ListenToLeon Foreign Film Festival continues! Today’s video asks the question: What if Michael Jackson were from India, and had no real budget in which to produce a decent video. Here is the answer, my friends.
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wow, that was, interesting. LOL I give it to your ex though, i would have actually said something to those girls. Some girls walked by and said yum… at my ex, so i grabbed his *genitals* and said “i know and its all mine, arent i lucky?” I think i was slightly intoxicated though, the “sober” me would have givin them a big smile and a wave.
Hrm. So I guess it was you who I saw at the fest.
Point of clarification — it wasn’t one of the knit hat girls who shouted that: It was me.
Okay, not really. — Joe
LOL @ Joe. How’ve you been? I tried to make it to that last Blogger Meetup, but Pharoahs wasn’t even open when I got there!
@ Peach, I’m making a mental note of that…as well as a mental note of you grabbing crotch…lol
Hey Leon — things are things — I haven’t been to a meetup in a few…months (ongoing Wednesday commitments), but I’ll make it to one soon, I swear.
If anything, I want to see if a fight breaks out — you know those bloggers. Always ready to throw down. — Joe
First,
i’ve never gone out with an Ex, NEVER. but it seem to be a trend. but i’m not jumping on that badwagon.
but, if i was the Ex is this story, i prolly would have started making out with you just to make them jealous. I save the grabbin’ of the neither regions for the bedroom, or the back seat of car.
@ Joe, I actually ran into the bartender @ Pharoahs the day after the scheduled meetup, and he told me about the guy that hit him. Then I read the story in the CityPaper. That’s crazy. He said they have a bouncer at Pharoahs now.
@ Dee-lish, you’re right. It’s not a good trend…Even though we still get along, the past should stay there, with the proof being her reaction to the skull cap women.
funny video.. lol. At least you asked the guy if he was okay.
OMG.. hahahaaa hahahaaaa but errr u know what.. I’m real mad at the indian mj LOL
hahahaaaa
I guess I’ll be seeing you next weekend!
Damm I haven’t been to the mt pleasant/adams morgan area in a while. Good to know mofos are still scraping there (eye roll). When will mofos learn. lol!
OH YOU ARE SO WRONG FOR THAT VIDEO! as far as the skill cap byches, I probably would have threw my hand up and spoke to them, saying something like,
“Hey Ladies…ain’t he fine!” I’m just cool like that…
that video is the shit !
I thought this was hilarious…esp. the part about the guy on the bike getting jumped by the El Savadoreans…who knew you had a little gangsta in you?
lol!