Artist's rendering of the woman in question
This entry is going to be another silly one. Hopefully, someone will laugh at at least one of the observations I place here today. If not, then you’re all black-hearted, evil strands of hair from Bigfoot’s scrotum. Yes. Pubes from an unconfirmed ball sack that may or may not exist, depending on what you choose to believe. So just laugh, for Christ’s sake.
I am puzzled as to how some people hold normal jobs with extremely long fingernails. I can’t even do things like play basketball without making sure my nails are clipped, because I know what it feels like to get scratched on the arm by some unkempt fool on the court trying to play defense. It’s funny to me when I see people with 2 inch fingernails typing and stuff like that. I tend to look in mixture of amazement, and morbid curiosity, wondering how those things keep from breaking.
Looking at a photo online today just reminded me of a recent experience. I went to a Giant grocery store, and the cashier had really long, straight-from-the-shop nails with all kinds of colorful designs on them. They were about three times the normal length of most fingernails. It was extra weird though, because I would have thought she was almost cute had it not been for the death claws that were touching my chicken noodle soup and a soda on the side(Actual Campbell’s soup and a bottle of Sprite, not that dumb ass song).
Thanks to her fingers, I didn’t even want to touch her to give her the money for my stuff. It was almost like I feared that Edward Niggahands was going to slice up my flesh accidentally if she happened to make contact with me. Call me whatever you want, but I refused to be a victim that day in the grocery store.
I somehow managed to get the money in her hands and avoid contact with the intricately-decorated talons which adorned them. I thought to myself, “I hope I didn’t offend her with the elusive way I gave the money to her.”
Then I thought, “She’s gotta be used to this. I’m sure some folks have reacted way worse than I did when they saw her Freddy Kreuger, ‘Nightmare At The Korean Nail Shop’ hands.”
Finally, I came to my usual resolution on matters such as this which involve social interaction with strangers: “F*ck it.”
And I walked out the store and went home. The End. No morals to the story. It’s too late at night/early in the morning for a moral.
I luuuuuv the chicken noodle soup song :-(
i’m sad that you don’t like it.
SIKE! anyways, there is a lady who works at the Safeway in Bethesda with the longest nails i’ve even seen on a person, in real life, atually moving and functional. She is nice, but her nails scare me.AND, the designs on them are crazy and elaborate. YIKES. I never want her to turn her hands over cause i’m nervous what could be stuck under the nails.*SHUDDER*
Yo, the chicken noodle soup song is funny as hell. I was watching this TLC baby show one time and the babys grandma had these long scary dirty lookin nails. TALONS is what they were, and the mom let her hold the baby. I was scared for this babys life! Seriously I just knew she was gonna pierce his fragile little skull. I think the grandma was Barry Whites ex-wife or something…
I can do NOTHING with long ass nails… I work in a call center and type all day long… nails slow me down… I will never understand how anyone can function with those things…
Whoa man ya killin em!!
….I just can’t figure out how they wipe their asses.
@anonymous – That’s a good point!!!
Remember CoKo from SWV…nuff said
Yeah, crap stay right beneath the nails..lol@deelish’s *shudders* Then them fools got the nerve to ask if they can make you something to eat…ugh!
Tiara..Barry White’s ex-wife…LOL!
Essays like this are so itmporant to broadening people’s horizons.
Dammit Leon! It’s Butta. My nails are planty long (yes they are mine). I keep them freshly manicured and I get designs also. To all those that wonder, yes I can wipe my own ass and no I don’t have crud stuck under there. That’s gross and it’s called washing your hands and getting under the nail with a nail brush. I have a job as a legal asst and I type 60 wpm. Dammit, lol.
try seeing people with fake nails on their feet! that shit is outta hand, its like they forget that they are toe nails — 3 inch toenails…these ladies would buy 1 or 2 size bigger shoes to fit em in so they wouldnt break..
eeeewwww…yea i dont like long nails. I cant get mine done because i have to type all day everyday and they just get in my way. whats even worse though, is a man with long fingernails!!! groses me the fuck out. My mama always said that if a man puts his hand in front of his face palm facing in and can see his fingernails over his fingertips THEY ARE TOO LONG!!!!
You are absolutely correct. There is a ghetto moon-cricket that I work with that strangly resembles Wolverine’s arch-nemesis Sabretooth in the face and hands. I ask her all the time “how she wipes her tail” and she tells me “the same way you wipe yours”. I seriously doubt that. I have never given myself a colonic while “polishing the chocolate factory”.
You know those people witht hte talons are not “scrubbing in for surgery” so I don’t even want to take anything from them or touch their hands. Don’t feel bad about your reaction, Leon. I would have done the same thing. You know in addition to the wiping problem, there is thenose-blowing problem, the head or body scratching problem, and just dust from general activities. Again, if they are not using a nail brush every hour or so, their hands are a hot zone.
As for the fake toenails, I haven’t seen it. I have seen long assed real toe nails. To that I say, anyone walking around with long toe nails in orange and yellow flip flops that coordinate with their orange and yellow halter top-daisy duke-bulk yaki weave outfit is probably not holding down a productive job. Growing nails is probably what she’s best at.
this is hands down (ahem) the best post title evahhhhh
@ Dee lish, I thought the same thing about the underside of her nails
@ Tiara, that’s funny!
@ Miss Jessi, I wonder the same thing, but some folks do.
@ Michael, I’m trying man, I’m trying. Dying laughing is the best way to go.
@ Odhis, I always assume that people who only grow one long nail are either pimps, or aspire to one day BECOME pimps.
@ Anonymous and Angie, true
@ the other Anonymous, Coko used to scare me with those Ghengis Khan fingernails! I used to like SWV, though.
@ Butta, you’ll have to show me. Later on this weekend at my place. Butt naked. :) Sorry…I had to sexually harass you since I haven’t in awhile
@ Sailor Moon, that’s horrible! No acrylic on toenails!
@ Peach, my mom and dad said the only males with long fingernails are gay people and bitch ass niggas. Maybe not in those words…but close enough.
@ J-Bigg, that Sabretooth reference is HILARIOUS!!!
@ Hypmommy, I see great minds think alike on this subject :)
@ VP of Dior, thank you
Hustleman this is may first time commenting and definately not my last. I pray that you show a brother the smae love on his site.
Anyway while checking out some of your topics I could not resist commenting on this one. This subject is up close and personal to me because my mother is one of those people with long nails.
When I say long I mean lllloooonnnggg! She has been growing them for almost 20(if not a little longer than) years. In the beginning they were nice looking. She kept them well manicured and polished. But (if I can be truthful here) since her drug habit is more important than her appearance and health, they have grown to look like crap.
All this thick brown suff up under them and when they break they stink. I could never understan exactly why she would let them grow that way but at least she will be rmembered for how long her nails were.
I wonder if Glodean’s nails are still long?
Many blessings.
Well my nails r pretty long, I am soo use 2 them. I can do just about anythang(except pick up change)
I also love getting the crazy colorful designs them & everbody I know loves my nails.
I get them done every 3 weeks & my hair every other week because I’m the type that lykes 2 stay well kept/groomed.
When it comes 2 getting stuff stuck up under ur nail u would have 2 deal with that anyway with short nails.I alway keep my nails clean.
Yes I can wipe my ass 2
To Seaniemo: that iz scary az hell
O yeah fake toenails r disgusting itz just 2 far I seen it
Damn I meant 2 tell yall
My nails r as long as Sheneneh’s nails from the show “Martin” (I don’t act anythang lyke her)