Yes ladies and gentlemen, DC Publlic Transportation has struck again. I have had many misadventures and comedic things happen on Metro, so it never ceases to provide a source of inspiration for humorous stories to write about. Besides the bus, what other place on Earth can you see all of these things in one trip by itself:
A large woman literally slide out of her seat and roll onto the aisle like a roly-poly bug. It wasn’t funny until she did the universal “I’M ALRIGHT! I’m ALL-RIGHT!” sign by extending both of her hands out and downwards really quickly as she got herself together. It happened right near me, so I had to try to hold in my laugh as I picked up a couple of items from her bag and passed them to her. The lady across from me saw my smirk and noticed me looking away. She started chuckling, and that was it. I could hold it in no longer. I had to try to fake like I was coughing, but I doubt anyone believed it. Ah well.
An insane man’s conversation with God. This very loud guy was talking to the bus driver about spirituality, and he said this quote: “Sometimes you just gotta talk to God and praise him. You just need to tell him how you feel. The other day I was at home and I said ‘Hey God! F you!’ I know I’m just this big and he’s huge, but sometimes you just gotta tell ‘em how you feel. God is good. Praise him!”
Now I don’t even know what to say about that one, other than I hope I am not standing next to that man when lighning strikes his crazy @ss.
Getting shot down without even saying a word to a chick. The young lady that was sitting across from me when I first got on the bus was cute. So when sat down, I gave her a little smile since I’m a flirt and that’s what flirts do. She responded by smiling back, but then started messing with her phone and acting as if she were checking her messages or something. So I pulled out my newspaper and thought to myself “Ok. No flirting for me this morning. Let me look in here and see if Express quoted me again.” Of course, they did not. They only quote me on the days when I’m not on the metro. That way someone has to call and tell me, and I end up scavenging train stations looking for extra copies in the evening. It’s never as simple as me opening up the paper and seeing it myself.
When I glanced up from my paper, I happened to see the girl faking like she was on the phone with someone. Unfortunately for her, it actually started to ring in the middle of her fake conversation. I just shook my head with an expression similar to the frustrated caveman dealing with discrimination on those Geico commercials, then went back to my reading.
(On an unrelated side note, when I did the Google image search for “Geico Caveman”, why did pictures of Val Kilmer and Dirk Nowitzki also appear among images from the commercial? That’s just funny to me. Now back to the story)
I didn’t even look back at her to see if she was embarassed or not. I could only think: Was all that really necessary? Did I really look like I was going to bother her to the point that she had to talk to her imaginary friend and pretend to use up her daytime minutes? I should have said something smart, but I figured that her looking about as crazy as the conversation with God guy was karma’s way of telling her she played herself.
Believe it or not, all of this happened within the span of a 15 minute bus ride. As I said before, Metro never ceases to amaze me in the morning.
maybe i should riding public transportation. then i would have interesting shit to talk about.
that chic on the phone was so sorry.
smh @ the phone starting to ring… what is really that serious? She wanted you to think she was popular.
Smooches!
lol thats really funny. who would turn you down LEON?? Better step your game up! lol I wont lie though, I use the phone trick, but i just pretend to be texting someone so I dont have to make eye contact. Some men think that the “accidental” eye contace means “come talk to me” so I try to avoid it, unless its you or alan iverson. I will make an acception for you two LOL
omg i just laughed out load at work @ the roly poly lady!! I can’t even imagine sitting there and not busrsting in to laughter or trying really really hard to hide it!!! That was funny!
I’ve been riding SF Muni Metro for almost 2 months now and I’ve yet to have a good story (besides my train losing electricity for half an hour and being stuck in the subway tunnel in the dark on Friday the 13th). Don’t know how you do it!
I just think that entertainment follows you!
You think THAT’s rejection? When I was in law school, I used to get rejection letters from firms I didn’t even apply to. It’s as if they were saying “save your stamps, shinebox willie, you don’t need to be applying here.”***
Or the time I was talking to a girl in a bar and she looks at my feet and says “what size shoe do you wear?” I said “10…why?”. Then she says “sorry…not interested” and walks away. Damn! Size 10 not good enough? Well maybe if her poonanny wasn’t the width of a beer mug it would be.
***I found out later that sometimes an HR person will forward your resume to someone at another firm they think might be interested, which explains why I got rejections from firms that I hadn’t applied to.
Whenever I visit my people’s in DC, I go on the Metro, and I NEVER see no crazy shit go down like that. Funny post as usual.
At least the Metro operates with a sense of timeliness. You’ve never ridden our fine subway, MARTA, have you? They are notorious for being raggedy and run on CP time, and I the day I bother to ride it, it broke down right in the middle of highway 400, and cars were wizzing by like it was nothing. And I was trying to avoid traffic that day.
…and I continuously thank God I don’t ride the bus and/or train. Nothin but ashy knuckles and homeless folks sleep ridin. No, sir!
I would have killed to see that chick roll into the aisle though!
Great description of the roly-poly lady Hustleman. I could just see it! I laughed out loud for 2 minutes straight. Public transportation is a trip. I used to see some crazy stuff on the MARTA too, riding back and forth to school. Still not enough to make me want to drive though.
At least nobody coughed on you today.
ok right, so today this sick bamma sits next to me on my long ass bus ride from bethesda to Germatown and coughed the WHOLE TIME.
Everytime he coughed i gave him the caveman look, mixed with the “if i get sick before halloween and can’t go to any parties, i’mma crush you” look
funny post today.
It’s funny you would mention that you found pictures of Val Kilmer when you searched for the Geico caveman. I always thought those dudes looked familiar on that commercial, but Val Kilmer is PERFECT!!! “I’ll have the roasted duck with mango salsa…”
You are hilarious. I figured… since I pop in all the time to read your joint… I might as well start commenting. Anyhoo… I would have been on the floor when ol’ girl rolled on out the seat. Once you realize someone’s okay… it’s free reign on the laughter. And… the chick on the bus = wackness. Folks still playin’ like they’re using the phone? Sheesh! At least put that sucker on silent/vibrate as a just in case. Yeah… she played herself.
haha funny ass shit..oh well dont even trip about that chic…she’ll be sorry babes. anywho yeaa i need to start ridin on the bus…it would probably give me entertainin shit to talk about, last time i rode the bus there was these two teens n she was givin his nasty ass a handjob n that was it for me. nasty ass hell..anyways keep writin babes im lovin it ;-)
I ride public transportation into work too so I can relate. Folks are CRAZY. I would have been cracking up if girlfriend fell on the bus. That is funny!
You should have gave the chick with the cell phone the Homer Simpson ‘D’oh’!
Come to think of it you should of hit the roly-poly and the wack job with it too.
As for the Geico Cave man looking like Val and my man Dirk that get’s a D’oh! also.
@j-bigg “And I don’t have much of an appetite, Thank you” LOL!!!
Play Lotto
On one of my more memorable rides on the G2 a man just stood up and jumped out the window while the bus was in motion. The kicker: the bus driver didn’t even stop to see if he was OK or what was up. We just kept on rollin’.
I never thought he looked like Val Kilmer till you said something!! Now I am dying laughing…:)