Danny Glover Said It Best In "Lethal Weapon"

“…I’m getting too old for this sh*t.”

That’s basically how I felt after my four-day birthday celebration came to a close. Thanks to everyone who helped to make this weekend great. I must now go down my “Thank You/F*ck You” List for the people I ran into from Wednesday night until Saturday night.

Thank you to Tee, Tajh, Marquis and Lamond for looking out for me at The Gardens this weekend. You all have successfully given me reason to reconsider writing off that once God-forsaken place where my paychecks bounced like basketballs on an And-1 Mixtape. I’ll probably see you all in there again one day…Unless the owners read this and ban me from the building for putting their business in the streets.

F*ck you to the little lesbian who was watching the door at the downstairs bar on Friday. Not because you would not let me in to your happy hour, but because you felt the need to put your hand on my chest when you said “This is a private party.” I laughed, because it was funny, but just so you know, I’m bigger than you, stronger than you, and as much as you may wish and pray for one, you’ll never have a penis. Especially not one as phenomenal as mine. How you like them apples?

Thank You to the First Couple of The Common Share, Sule and Sarena for being two of the coolest, most laid-back people I’ve met in the area. Good luck with your move. I’m definitely going to miss seeing y’all in there.

F*ck you to DC cabbies. I am tired of having to get women to flag down cabs for me because they won’t stop for my black @ss. The other night, I purposely had a female friend of mine stand about 20 feet away as I tried to hail a cab. The cabbie looked me right in the eye, and kept on driving. When my friend raised her hand for the same cab, he damn near slammed on the breaks to pick her up. So I ran over and got in the cab with her and said “Yeah! Got your @ss!” as I climbed in the door. The cabbie had the tight-lipped mean face for most of the ride, since he knew I outsmarted him. That’s what he gets…The worst part about it is that it was an Ethiopian cabbie. The cab drivers of color are usually the worst ones as far as that foolishness goes.

Thank you to the friends and family who called and sent text messages this week. That was really nice of you to think of me.

F*ck you to the friends and family who called and sent text messages this week. Somehow, I ended up going over my spending limit and T-Mobile laid the smackdown on my cell phone yesterday morning. I took care of it, but I wasn’t planning on paying what amounted to ANOTHER phone bill about a week after I just got through paying one. The good thing is that it’s made me realize that I need to make some changes to my plan. The bad thing is that I realied this in a very costly manner. Actually, I’ll add T-Mobile to this “F*ck you”, as well.

Thank you to Carmen at the T-Mobile store, who helped me realize ust how screwed up my plan is. You are my official Monday morning hero!

F*ck you to convenience store markups. I want to be lazy and shop there, but I can’t see myself spending that extra dough for the same stuff I can get on sale at Giant. Especially when the products are old and dusty. I should not have to clean the dust off of my Pepsi bottle before taking a sip. If anything, there should be some kind of discount for buying those old products. I think I saw a Wheaties box in there with Wilt Chamberlain on the front cover.

Thank you God, for blessing me with another year of life. See, I can be humble when I need to. Also, thank you all for reading and telling folks about the site.

*Edit* Thank you to the fine folks @ The Common Share for making me smile this weekend, namely Christine, Raynette and Kahliza. My bad for leaving y’all out. Also, Thank you to Zehara, although you tried to make me feel guilty for the time Leon Jr. jr. made contact with you @ Eyebar. Thank you to Kryssy, Melissa, Courtney and everyone else involved with the party on Friday. Thank you to Rome, for keeping me from having to hijack a cab after the club, and for talking me out of trying to locate the legendary fire hydrant I wrote about on here a few months back.