Dating and Expectations

Well, here it is…My 400th entry. I listened to everyone’s suggestions for topics, and went with the theme of dating and relationships since people requested that the most. I appreciate the feedback I received from everyone who submitted suggestions.

About a month and a half ago, I read a book by a DC area author named Tariq Walton. It made me laugh before I even opened it, because it is titled “It’s Just A Damn Date”. As the title suggests, it does not beat around the bush or pull any punches.

It gets right to the issue at hand: The only realistic expectation one should have from a date is to have an enjoyable time.

As Mr Walton illustates through numerous scenarios in his book, all too often, people enter into dating situations and make a number of mistakes. Below, I will name the four that I definitely agree with the most. When dating, people tend to:

1.) Expect too much too soon from someone they barely even know.

I think that it’s easy to fantasize about the future with someone when you’re out on that first date. The vibe is flowing…you’re looking in each other’s eyes…you two are actually enjoying each other’s company…and Lord Have Jesus H. Jiminiy Cricket Christ that person is fine as hell. Why not have punk @ssed daydreams of running across a beach in the Carribean hand in hand? Why not envision picnics on a perfect spring day, or thoughts of settling down with him or her and living happily ever after?

I’ll tell you why not: YOU BARELY KNOW THAT MOTHERF*CKER!!! Let nature take it’s course. Besides, just because you are feeling a certain vibe, that is no guarantee that the other person is feeling the same way. Take your time and enjoy your date, but do not try to create an instant relationship or lay claim on someone after just one encounter with them.

2.) Fail to be honest with themselves, which leads to people painting an idealized, picture-perfect first impression to whomever they’re dating which they will ultimately fail to maintain or live up to.

This is where the overused saying “keep it real” definitely applies. If you’re not happy with yourself, it is unlikely that someone else will be able to successfully fill that void in your life. All that “You complete me” bullsh*t is something that romantic comedies try to shovel down your throats because it sounds nice. Don’t expect that everything is going to be alright just because you met someone else who does have their life in order.

Also, don’t lie when you meet people. If you got kicked ouf of college, don’t tell your date that you dropped out to take care of your sick mother. Eventually, the real you will show, so just be yourself. The other person is already out with you, so obviously they saw someting in your stankin’ @ss that made them go out with you in the first place. Who wants to have to keep up an act. JUST BE YOU!

3.) Try to learn every-got-damned detail about someone on the first date. Or the opposite, volunteer way-too-mother-lovin’ much information on a first date.

It’s a date, not an entrance interview to Princeton. Well, you could look at it as an entrance interview to your legs, but still. The easiest way to turn someone off is to bombard them with a bunch of prying questions. It’s good to get to know the person your dating, but you don’t need to try to get everything out of them on the first date. Being pushy and invasive is an easy way to put your date on the defensive and make him or her uncomfortable.

On the other hand, you don’t need to tell all of your business on the first date, either. If you choose to reveal your foot fetish on the first date, or talk in depth about the woman that you cheated on with her mother, then don’t be suprised if there is no second date.

4.) Fail to use common sense and logic when dealing with the opposite sex(or same one, whatrever floats your boat).

Basically, don’t let logic get clouded by your desire to be in a relationship, or by initial infatuation. You have to be able to take a step back and see things for what they really are, and not for what you want them to be. Sometimes it’s hard, but it’s necessary.

I agree with him on these four things, and I like that Mr. Walton also stressed repect for women and chivalry. I talk a lot of trash on here, and sometimes I use terms for female genetalia that are so vulgar they would make a pimp blush. Still, I do love women and I honestly believe that if you find a good one, you should recognize it and treat her as such. I even approach women with respect when I’m drunk…Well, most of the time. The times I don’t, they usually result in blog-worthy stories. It’s a trade-off. Love and happiness, or a bunch of crazy stories to tell, most of which haver funny endings, but not necessarily happy ones.

For those interested in Mr. Walton’s book, my sister found it at his store in Eastern Market. He also has a website where you can get it from, www.omaribooks.com.