…that your eyes hurt from inside? As if your brain grew a pair of baby feet and started kicking you the back of your eyeballs? So tired that rays of sunlight coming in the window feel like little tiny pimp slaps, gradually becoming more and more unbearable until you finally admit to yourself that the sunlight is literally kicking your @ss and making you it’s b*tch? So tired that you can’t even form the words “f*ck it” so you just wave your hand in disgust one time before collapsing on whatever is nearby?
I now know this feeling now thanks to my boy Will from Hampton. That’s right, Will. You’ve been my people since freshman year of college, but I’m making you famous today. Before all you readers out there call me “Judas” or some other name synonymous with “horrible friend”, let me explain what happened.
I got in around 5:45 AM on New Year’s Day after an evening that was nothing short of spectacular. The ListenToLeon Legend grew, and I came to realize that at full strength, I am quite unstoppable. Kind of like The Juggernaut. Or the light skinned Incredible Hulk.
Once I made it home, I laid down and went to sleep, dreaming only of the leftover food in my refrigerator that I planned to punish sometime in the afternoon on New Year’s Day. Then, I got a call on my cell phone around 11 AM. I ignored it, but the phone kept ringing. Finally, on the third call, I looked at the reciever and saw that it was Will calling. I thought maybe he got lost or maybe arrested since he was in town visiting, so I answered. Here is a transcript of our conversation:
ListenToLeon: Hello
Will: Ay yo Leon! I just pulled up at your building. Come downstairs and let me up!
ListenToLeon: Negro it’s New Year’s Day! Who wakes people up on New Years’s Day? It’s like an unwritten rule: You don’t bother people under age 35 until WELL after 1 PM on New Year’s Day! Folks gotta recover!
Will: What time did you go to sleep?
ListenToLeon: About 6 AM.
Will: Man, you got about 5, 6 hours of sleep. You’re alright!
ListenToLeon: How the Hell YOU gon’ tell ME how much sleep I need?! Motherf*cker this is my body. I know when I’m tired. Sh*t.
Will: I can’t catch up to the rest of the crew from college. No one’s anwering the phone.
ListenToLeon: That’s because THEY’RE PROBABLY ASLEEP, YOU GOT-DAMNED GENIUS!
Will: Come on man, let me up!
ListenToLeon: Just sign in and come on up here yourself. I’ll answer the door, but I ain’t going all the way down to the damned lobby to let you in.
So once Will came in, I couldn’t really catch up on any sleep. After a few hours of watching football while cussing out Will during the commercials, I ended up going to go visit my friend who leaves comments on here as Diva527(she has a good job now so I don’t want to implicate her with any ListenToLeon-like craziness). She’s usually hilarious but she had a hangover, and I was dead tired, so that was the quietest, most somber visit ever. Even her dog looked at us and her friend from Chicago, then shook his furry little head like “Damn.”
I finally got a nap around 5PM, but I wasn’t fully right until that next day. So thanks to Will not wanting to drive back to Hampton Roads, I suffered. I’m not mad, but I will reinstate the Pookie Award for Crackhead Excellence and award the honor to my boy Will. Hopefully, this will teach him not to deprive his friends of sleep ever again.
The World-Famous Pookie Award for Crackhead Excellence
Hold up, hold up, partna…since when do they allow folks to sign-in at the Projects? Can they just come on up? LMAO!!!
I wanna be a shit talker! I wanna be a shit talker! :P
Nightie, night..Leon
Im sorry, i didnt get well until about 8pm that night! New Year’s Eve was a beast. It whupped my ass like my momma did that time she caught me rolling “joints’ with grass and hair roller paper.
I’ve never understood how people can TELL ANYONE how much sleep they need!
Glad you had an eventful new years!
you’re lucky you got til 11am. My son wakes up every day at 730 I have no time for sleepin in LOL. You asked have you ever been so tired..?? When I was in basic training I was so tired I fell asleep while marching. That has to be some kind of reccord.
It will only get worse as you get older. On an unrelated noted, every sinle time I watch the news and see Leon Harris, I think of you.
leon-you are insane and i am sure we are blood relatives…
you say stuff like i think in my head, but can’t tell e’rbody, ’cause i know i will get the side-eye.
@ diva i got one of those beatdowns as well once when my mother came home after a weekend away and found an aluminum foil “pipe” i had made for my “ooowee” (i couldn’t remember where the bong was)
and then there was that other time she told me to do something and i told her “no” i haven’t use any words that start with the letter “n” since that warm spring day in 1985.