Poor Little Bastard Nicole Smith

I hate to write about Anna Nicole Smith, because it seems as if the entire story has been getting way too much attention lately. Despite my mind telling me to let the celebrity gossip blogs handle things, I feel compelled to let my thoughts out on the part of the story that bothers me the most: The little baby.

I don’t know the girl’s name, and I really don’t want to since there is no chance that I am the father. Therefore, I shall refer to her as Bastard Nicole Smith. I feel bad for poor little Bastard Nicole. Everybody on Earth is trying to get custody of her, because they think that she’s going to inherit that J. Howard Marshall fortune. People are coming out of the woodworks…Howard Stern(the slimy lawyer, not the greasy talk radio guy), The photographer guy…a couple of random dudes claiming they ran trains on Anna Nicole…Every person you could possibly conceive of, and more. I’m suprised K-Fed’s name never came up in this discussion.

Even Zsa Zsa Gabor’s old, crusty, fake ass Ricardo Montlabon-looking husband is claiming he knocked Anna Nicole up. That revelation was the funniest one of them all. Especially when I found out that this guy bought his “Prince” title!

To wake up one day and be like “I want to be a prince! Let me see how much it’s going to cost…” Then to actually buy a title to have next to his name…That’s both impressive and pathetic at the same time. To have the dough to buy yourself into royalty is impressive, but to actually spend money on a stupid title next to your name is pathetic. I hope that little British boxer Prince Naseem catches this guy one day and kicks his ass for trying to bite his gimmick.

These men should settle this paternity issue the old fashioned way: Get everybody together and go on Maury Povitch. Maury would get to the bottom of this. It would be the first time in the history of the show that people would actually become upset upon hearing the words “You are NOT the father!” Whoever they say is the biological father is probably going to get up and start dancing like that one guy did in this now-infamous clip.

Whatever they do, I hope they don’t give custody of little Bastard Nicole Smith to Anna’s mother. That woman is crazy. The little girl will end up even more screwed up than Anna Nicole was. I’m going to pray for that little girl, along with the souls of all of the treacherous leeches trying to get ahold of her.

Post Author

This post was written by who has written 1854 posts on Yeah…I said it.

Leon, a.k.a. God's Gift to your sense of humor.

12 Responses to “Poor Little Bastard Nicole Smith”

  1. brwn_eyes_brwngirl 12. Feb, 2007 at 1:05 pm #

    I think her name is Danny Lynn,…but yeah I was thinkin Maury would be good for this problem of who is the daddy. I think no matter who gets that little girl the poor baby will suffer as whoever gets her is only hoping they can bank on the money….

    I wouldn’t be suprised though if K-Fed was the baby daddy..him or my cousin who gets out of jail every three months to make a baby then goes back like he was just getting out for vacation…lol…

  2. Amadeo 12. Feb, 2007 at 1:17 pm #

    They should give that baby up and start something like the Truman Show. It wouldn’t be right…but it would fit.

  3. Peach 12. Feb, 2007 at 1:44 pm #

    Its Danielynn, and yea that is messed up. They should let Oprah adopt her. Cuz you know Oprah ass wont hold that child’s inheritance from her. Shoot, oprah will prolly set up a fat savings account and give it to her on her 21st birthday. Poor child. She has a rough rode ahead of her.

  4. Peach 12. Feb, 2007 at 1:51 pm #

    road, wtf is wrong with my spelling…oh well, the haters love it…cary on

  5. dee-lish 12. Feb, 2007 at 1:53 pm #

    i was sad when i hear she died.
    she was a train wreak. but… it was still sad

  6. Mz.TiredofBS!!! 12. Feb, 2007 at 2:44 pm #

    Uncle Leon I can’t even begin to tell you how many shades and levels of wrong you were for calling that baby Bastard Nicole Smith. lol Yeah I was really sad to hear about Anna Nicole’s passing to. I can’t imagine what its like to lose a child, but hopefully she’s in a better place.

  7. Leigh 12. Feb, 2007 at 5:39 pm #

    oh my gosh i have never seen that Maury clip. i have seen some funny ones but that had me dying!

  8. Hassan 13. Feb, 2007 at 2:49 am #

    LOL

    Leon… how about this one:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_lAoXUGE9A

    God bless you, Maury.

  9. lightandshadow 13. Feb, 2007 at 11:23 am #

    Are you sure you ain’t the baby daddy?

  10. Tamara 13. Feb, 2007 at 2:50 pm #

    I don’t believe Za Za’s husband’s old ass sperm could make a baby…hell to the nah!!

    Za Za’s old ass husband, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!!
    His DNA is to old to be tested! LMAO

  11. P 13. Feb, 2007 at 6:38 pm #

    Thank you for ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.

    I get the impression that after all of this is over with, that poor little child will NOT know who her daddy is, and worse off, will be embroiled in a legal battle over the rights to her, and then when all the money is gone. .

    NOTHING.

  12. Peach 14. Feb, 2007 at 12:28 pm #

    happy valentines day hoe face!!!!

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