You know things are screwed up in this country right now. Every day, there is in the news that tells you that the State of the Nation is one of chaos and despair. Today’s indication: Captain America is dead. The country has to be in bad shape when Marvel Comics makes the decision to say “The Hell with it. Captain America has saved the world more times than Jack Bauer, but he can’t even take his red white and blue shield on an airplane without getting harassed!”
The worst part is not that he is dead, but how they chose to kill him. Captain America died from getting hit by a sniper’s bullet! What kind of sh*t is that?! How in the hell can they let the man who single-handedly defeated Hitler and the Nazis meet his end at the hands of some random Lee Malvo-type of fellow with a Wal-Mart hunting rifle? That’s like Superman putting on a kryptonite condom and dying in a hotel room with a hooker.
I guess they figured if a sniper death was good enough for John F. Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., then it’s good enough for Cap. No disrespect, but JFK and MLK never kicked nearly as much ass as Captain America did in the old “Marvel Super Heroes” arcade game. Sure, they were great men, but Captain America was known to pimp slap an entire room full of armed soldiers into submission with his shield! When you’re a make-believe super hero, you deserve to go out in a blaze of glory, not in a helpless collapse. They should have had him windsurf on a missle directly into Osama Bin Laden’s bathroom while he’s in there admiring his beard in the mirror. Now THAT’S a death worthy of a make believe hero! A violent, fiery explosion that also takes out the most hated man on Earth!
Seriously though, it hit me hard, because I came up with a spinoff character for Marvel. Another super soldier like Captain America, but one that another demographic can relate to a little better…
CAPTAIN AFRO-AMERICA!
That’s right. A superhero that will take on the problems that affect Black America. Confronting black-on-black violence…Stopping crooked policemen…Creating jobs…Helping brothers hail cabs…Showing people how to get their credit straight…Anything hindering forward progress for black people, Captain Afro-America has got it covered!
People, I need you to forward this to the folks at Marvel Comics, because I really do have some good ideas for some comic storylines that people of color will actually embrace. Better ones than “Luke Cage: Hero for Hire”. With all due respect, nobody in the hood is going to hire a damned hero. The money you spend hiring some super strong bulletproof black dude to fight your battles for you, you could have spent half of that, bought a gun and handled your business yourself. That, or called that cousin whom you know will do anything for $200 and free liquor & weed.
Seriously, Marvel Comics, get at me! It can’t hurt to exchange ideas and see what we can do for one another.
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That’s like Superman putting on a kryptonite condom and dying in a hotel room with a hooker.
ROFL! Leon, that shit is hilarious….
You’re a fool. I find myself frightened of you but at the same time, inexplicably aroused. Enjoy reading your stuff.
A. Love
This was really funny Leon. Like, really funny. Especially the part about helpingUS with our problems and having those problems include getting a cab and cleaning up the credit.
Did you draw that?
I didn’t know you were such a renaissance man
Thanks Denea, I’m glad you liked it
@ A.Love, no need to be frightened! I’m not violent(anymore)
@ Hostess, thanks
@ Anonymous, I didn’t draw that, I just used Phototshop and colored in an existing drawing, making a few changes here and there. I did draw a Superman one years ago with my face on it as a self-promotional mailer. I need to see if I can find it.
that’s funny!