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Leon Reviews The Kim Kardashian Sex Tape | Yeah...I said it

Leon Reviews The Kim Kardashian Sex Tape

Last night, a copy of the Kim Kardashian and Ray J sex tape just happened to fall off of a truck and somehow ended up landing on my hard drive. This was an interesting turn of totally random events that had absolutely nothing to do with illegal file sharing since the damned thing just happened to fall off of a truck and land on my hard drive for free. Now that we’ve established the fact that no laws were broken, I felt is was my civic duty to watch this free gift from the porn gods and review it for your benefit.

I’ll start by saying this: That tape was NOT leaked. It’s pretty obvious that both of them knew that they were going to release the video. It starts with Kim putting on makeup specifically for the scene. It’s also suspicious that some of the background music during the non-sex scenes sounded like stuff by Ray J. What totally sealed the deal was when the man looked in the camera and delivered a message to all of people masturbating to the sex tape. In concept, that little speech should have been funny, but his joke delivery sucks.

Speaking of “sucks”, Kim did a halfway decent-looking job of that. Nothing spectacular, but I’m sure it probably felt good to Ray J. In between some clips of candid conversations between the two, Ray J returned the favor with some Colonel Angus, which I’m sure, is probably going to gain him some new female fans. It then jumped to more scenes of them hugged up, out and about town.

It appears that Kim Kardashian is easy to please sexually, because Ray J made the cardinal sin of homemade sex tapes: don’t try to f*ck and hold the camera yourself. Sure, it’s possible to get some great angles that way, but trying to keep a steady shot while simultaneously getting in some good strokes can prove to be a daunting task. I recommend a tripod and strategic body placement in order to make good cinema, and to put blow your partner’s back out.

Not that I’ve ever tried to have sex while holding a video camera. Or cameraphone. Or…ah f*ck it. Why lie?

Thanks to Ray J’s mistake, the sex scenes were ok, but could have better. Kim was acting like she loved it, which lets me know that if I ever do get to hump that woman, I’m going to wear her the f*ck out. If she’s that easy to please, I’d make her cry tears of joy and start speaking Swahili. Then send her in the kitchen to make me a BLT and a glass of kool aid. The only time Ray J got even remotely close to putting in a Leon-like effort on that thang was when he finally set down the camera. That allowed the man to focus on the sexy little trust fund chick underneath him. The only position that I know I would have done that Ray J didn’t is flip her over so she could ride for awhile.

Oh yeah, I would have worn a rubber, too. Now that there is conclusive evidence that Ray J’s DNA was once inside of Kim Kardashian, I would have to wear an extra-strength rubber if I were to ever hit that. I don’t want to go to the Dr.’s office one day and have him walk in with my test results talking about “Awww, wait a minute!”

Overall, I give the video a B- grade. Kim K. has a nice ass, and looks great naked. The production quality beats the hell out of any other celebrity sex tape(more proof that they intended to let the public see it), and luckily, nobody got peed on, as was rumored. What I did not like about it was that for the most part, Kim just layed there and looked pretty during the sex. I hate a chick that thinks being pretty gives her an excuse to be lazy in bed. DO SOMETHING, WOMAN! That’s why Ray J. should have put her on top and made her lazy ass ride for awhile. That’s a waste of a perfectly nice booty. She should have been throwing that thing back on him!

The Official ListenToLeon Swagger Scale Rating:

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I hope my review helps. If you’re interested in actually paying for the tape, you can get it at www.kimksuperstar.com, which is a link that I would not click on at work unless you are looking to get yourself fired so that you can collect unemployment. It’s smut, for Christ’s sake! Use common sense before viewing it.

Post Author

This post was written by who has written 1736 posts on Yeah…I said it.

Comedian, writer and shake dancer on the Chippendale's Senior Circuit.

39 Responses to “Leon Reviews The Kim Kardashian Sex Tape”

  1. The NEW Killacal.net 22. Mar, 2007 at 1:08 pm #

    That was a pretty fair and accurate assessment of it….I’m about to go through your archives now and see if you addressed the recent death of Bad News Brown….

  2. Peach 22. Mar, 2007 at 1:20 pm #

    Gotta love your confidence. I cant watch this at work but someone told me Ray J is hung and has good munching skills, I am now strangely attracted hahah. Jk….kinda.

  3. Hustleman 22. Mar, 2007 at 1:29 pm #

    @ Killacal, I haven’t gotten to it yet. I’m planning a fitting tribute to him, Ravishing Rick, and numerous other fallen wrestlers who influenced my sh*t-talking style

    @ Peach, I can provide references if you don’t believe that the confidence is there for a reason!And my sh*t is bigger, but not by a whole lot lol

  4. SAILOR MOON 22. Mar, 2007 at 3:21 pm #

    Well…Now I have to see this mysteriusly public video. Also I would like to note that if you wanna see some good raunchy-raunchy I suggest you watch the Colin Ferral video banging that hellllll outta some chick – that and his Peter is only the size size of the nile river.. Its just…amazing.

    *daysdreams about Colins Peter*

  5. Peach 22. Mar, 2007 at 3:30 pm #

    your lips continue to move yet I still see no action

  6. Anonymous 22. Mar, 2007 at 5:42 pm #

    and I read more on this:
    http://www.wikio.com/celebrity/socialite/kim_kardashian

  7. Lola Gets 22. Mar, 2007 at 6:19 pm #

    You know, I saw parts of this sex tape for free at another blogger site (I would name it here, but I wanna get permission first, lol). I was at work, naturally, so I couldnt look at it for long, but yeah, it looked like they made it for public consumption.

    Um, what is “Colonel Angus??”

    L

  8. Anonymous 22. Mar, 2007 at 11:28 pm #

    Colonel Angus = Cunnilingus

  9. Anonymous 23. Mar, 2007 at 5:59 am #

    I personally thought the video got kind of boring after a while, especially with all the scenes being repeated– I would definitely say it was made for a man’s most base desires. I also didn’t appreciate the way ole boy was so busy looking into the camera like he was saying, “Look at what I’m hittin’….”. No rubbers were used, my suggestion to any subsequent “suitors” with that girl is to layer UP on the condoms! You can also check out this video for free at hiphopvideochicks.com. Someone laid that little site on me, I just thought I’d pay it forward (hope you don’t mind, Leon).

    ALove

  10. Hustleman 23. Mar, 2007 at 9:53 am #

    LOL @ Sailor Moon

    Very funny @ Peach

    @ Anonymous, I’ll check that out later today

    @ Lola, anonymous answered your question for you. Also, @ you and the other anonymous, you can mention all the other blogs you want on here. Just go over to their sh*t and mention me! LOL

  11. Candace 23. Mar, 2007 at 11:27 am #

    Ooooo. I want to see it now!
    @ Peach, I can’t believe Ray J is packing, he seems like such a small fry!

  12. Peach 23. Mar, 2007 at 2:01 pm #

    @ Candace I seen it last night…its purdy big. Its supposed to be a myth that the smaller the man the bigger the weenie

  13. Anonymous 23. Mar, 2007 at 3:30 pm #

    So where is that truck when a brother needs it? I’m hoping it’ll fall onto my hard drive too, lol

  14. Hustleman 23. Mar, 2007 at 3:54 pm #

    @ Anonymous, send me your e-mail address. Word on the street is, that truck still hasn’t fixed that latch in the back, and free smut keeps on falling from it LOL

  15. Anonymous 23. Mar, 2007 at 5:56 pm #

    I am not “the other anonymous”! I signed my name! At any rate, since you’re the king of smut scrutinization, that site hiphopvideochicks.com is just full of free videos of what happens at rap stars’ strip parties and such…. It’s just scandalous if you ask me, but I’m a woman. Take a gander; let me know your opinion.

    And after watching Ray J and Kim, my stuff was dry as Ghandi’s sandal, as the saying so eloquently goes….

    A. Love

  16. Lola Gets 23. Mar, 2007 at 6:12 pm #

    Man, when I saw “Colonel Angus” I was thinking…beef! LOL Anywho. You and other blogs all talking about the video nshyt makes me wanna see it! Dont mind me, Im just horny.
    L

  17. Jenifer - Young, Gifted & Black 23. Mar, 2007 at 7:27 pm #

    thanks for the synop…

    I’ll add you to my blog…you do the same? check me out

  18. Hustleman 23. Mar, 2007 at 10:13 pm #

    @ A Love, that “dry as Ghandi’s sandal” line has me crackign up! I’ll check out the site sometime tonight

    @ Lola, e-mail me. HustlemanL77@yahoo.com. I have a feeling that the free porno truck may be rolling through one more time, and they still haven’t fixed that latch in the back ;)

    @ Jenifer, I’ll definitely return the favor. Thanks :)

  19. Gemini Girl aka GG 24. Mar, 2007 at 1:29 am #

    great review I didn’t think it was that bad I haven’t seen much to compare it to, but kim and her gum kind of got on my damn nerves…she’s hot tho and RJ is packing (for a lil dude)

  20. Kryssy 25. Mar, 2007 at 11:16 pm #

    Omg! This was so funny that I had to read it to my homegirl! I have so many fell-off-the-truck-on-to-my-hard-drive-movies it’s ridiculous! Who knew that Brandy’s lil bro was hung like a stallion. *ponders* when are you gonna make a Listen to Leon sex tape? LMAO!

  21. Sexy and Lazy 26. Mar, 2007 at 9:41 am #

    I always hear men talk about these ‘lazy’ women in bed and how they should do something, but mofos never mention exactly what we’re supposed to do. Can we get a post about that, oh Leon the Hung One?

  22. 50paise 26. Mar, 2007 at 3:53 pm #

    now ths da kinda review i lik dawg…bitchin…check out ma rap blog y’all…

  23. Dj Triple Threat 27. Mar, 2007 at 11:19 pm #

    Then send her in the kitchen to make me a BLT and a glass of kool aid.
    ============

    You are such a black man. LOL.

  24. tiana danielle 28. Mar, 2007 at 11:13 pm #

    Please, pleeeease, Leon, could you make a copy of this tape fall off “a truck”, and into my hard drive??? I actually turned down an attempt by Ray-J to take me down because he was an irritating, arrogant little prick, not to mention high as giraffe pussy, and because he was…well Ray J. Still I want a chance to congratulate myself on that decision, by confirming that I did, indeed, not miss much. Plus I’m just a freak, so I wanna see it anyway, but I’m really not trying to pay for it. Help???

  25. RR 01. May, 2007 at 5:00 pm #

    The Kardashian tape sucks, excuse the pun. Most of the time we see this Ray J guy. If we see her at all she is almst always in a bra. The one time we see her topless she’s in the background and it’s for a second. SHe sucks him off and then gets it from behind and again most of the time the camera’s on him. Ho-hum. Must be embarrassing to have a sex tape made public and not many people care. And Kim is so much hotter than Hilton. At least Paris drops her clothes.

  26. JENNY 04. Oct, 2007 at 10:58 am #

    YEAH SO ITS TRUE WHAT I HEAR ABOUT THOSE ARMENIAN GIRLS BEING TOTAL SLUTS FOR BLACK GUYS LOL

  27. Kim Kardashian fan 08. Oct, 2007 at 11:01 am #

    Hello, I post few shots from video and cut scene from tape. You can watch it at http://kimkardashian-on.blogspot.com/2007/09/kim-kardashian-sex-tape.html
    Can you publish link to me? Thanks.

  28. allienicole 16. Oct, 2007 at 6:10 pm #

    awww wait a minute!!
    *dead* *back to life* *dead again*

  29. FunkyTube 03. Jun, 2008 at 11:05 am #

    Kim Kardashian PRIVATE Sex Tape.
    HOTT!
    http://www.funkytube.net/vid.php?v=Kim_Kardashian_video

  30. Anonymous 25. Jul, 2008 at 10:22 am #

    Hey, check this out! Kim Kardashian called in to clear up some rumors and to talk about “pre-planning her wedding” on KIIS in LA! Good stuff!

    http://ryan.kiisfm.com/cc-common/losangeles/podcast/onair.html

  31. An Ominous Anonymous 07. Mar, 2009 at 4:17 am #

    To who ever the fuck was talking about “you need to tell the girl what to do if you want to get her on top”…

    If a man’s dick is that good (indeed, ANY good) she’s not gonna need no suggestions. She WILL know how to get on and get hers. If you need to give a woman instructions for her to do anything with you, you just aint the King Dingaling you though you were. Sad truth.

  32. mirror 16. Jun, 2009 at 10:06 am #

    People need to mind their own damm business and make their own tape.

  33. O 28. Jan, 2010 at 3:50 pm #

    It was decent. But after seeing several times I began to pay more attention to the background music….Does anyone know where those beats are from?

    • katie 04. Dec, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

      did you ever find out what the background music is?

  34. MARDY525 20. Jun, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    HELLO PEOPLE COME OVER TO CELEBSSEXTAPE.NET NO SIGN JUST WATCH AND GO

  35. Demetra Abe 29. Aug, 2011 at 5:26 am #

    Someone I work with visits your site frequently and recommended it to me to read also. The writing style is excellent and the content is interesting. Thanks for the insight you provide the readers!

  36. chicken girl 06. Dec, 2012 at 3:34 pm #

    ahaha Kim is soooo lazy!! who would think, but I guess rich fat ass girls would be….no wonder none of her relationships ever worked, she def wouldn’t satisfy many men. she’s def not a respectful woman in any way shape or form for releasing this

  37. Mbking115 14. Apr, 2014 at 5:51 am #

    Will someone please tell me the artist and song from this video..I have been searching for the music over a year,and haven,t had any luck finding anything,just please help me!!!…Greatly Appreciated..

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Top 5 Celebrity Sex Tapes & Their Career Impacts « BUZZ 103.1 Florida's New Rock Alternative - 09. Aug, 2010

    [...] it were dissatisfied, but enjoyed the production value…in addition to Kim Kardashian being quite easy to please sexually and her natural assets that make hot air balloons [...]

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