You Looked So Much Cuter From A Distance
Posted by ListenToLeon on
March 27, 2007
This past Saturday, I made a trip to the bank. As I was walking over to the line, I noticed that the lady who was two people ahead of me had a really nice body. She was a silhouette of perfection. Perfection with a bad weave, that is, but I’ll let that slide for the moment. This lady possessed the nicest behind I’d seen in two and a half days. It made me want to quote Ron Burgandy from Anchorman.
“I don’t normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking… heiney. I mean, that thing’s good. I wanna be friends with it.”
Then I thought to myself: “I wonder what she looks like from the front?”
As soon as that thought popped into my head, she turned around…and made my face wince uncontrollably. I was shocked and appalled to see that this woman had the body of a Goddess, but the face of a wounded jackal! Too bad that movie “Face-Off” isn’t real. I’d gladly pay someone who looks at least halfway cute to exchange faces with her for the sake of mankind.
The label that gentlemen from my era used to apply to a woman like her is “Brown Bag.” This term is derived from the crude act of applying a brown grocery bag over a less-than-attractive woman’s face so that you don’t have to look at her during sex. While I do not know of anyone who has actually placed a bag on a woman’s head, the term has now evolved to describe a women who has a very nice body and a not-so-nice face. Another label to be used is “Buttaface.” In the words of the oh-so eloquent comedian Shawdy, “Everything looks good, but her face!”
After blatantly displaying my dissapointment with my facial expression, I remembered one tried and true fact: As long as a woman has a nice body, there will always be someone who will go after her, regardless of how she looks in the face. Some guys really don’t care. I realized this when I looked at her hand and saw a very large wedding ring. Apparently, someone with money decided that her booty was too nice to pass up. Maybe they’re in love, and maybe she’s a really sweet person…But to get to that point, something had to attract the guy. I’m willing to bet my entire $209.22 fortune that the booty is what convinced Mr. Moneybags to go approach her. Booty is that mighty. Here’s an example from the ’70s:
Originally, in the Exorcist, the demon was lured out of the little girl’s body with an issue of Black Tail magazine. The Priest opened it up to the Pam Grier centerfold, yelling “THE POWER OF BUTT COMPELS YOU!!!” Due to opposition by the ratings people, the filmmakers had to do a rewrite. Still, you see how much strength a nice booty wields.
Have any of you had a similar experience? I’m sure I’m not the only person who has been hoodwinked in such a way.
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23 Responses to “You Looked So Much Cuter From A Distance”
You know you aren’t alone on this one. Mother nature often plays such cruel tricks. The big butt is the lure, the face is the sharp hook underneath. Recently, I came across a female who was a scepter-head. No, her head wasn’t shaped like a king’s staff but everything was on point, except her head. The back end had a perfect wobbling effect when she walked, even in some tight jeans, and her hair was kinda piled on her head but a brotha doesnt mind since it’s just something extra to pull her back with when the backshots push her too far forward. Anyway, to make a long story short her hair looked like it was stacked high because her head was mishapen. Poor girl made Rocky from the movie Mask look normal. I had to pass on that one but I know there’s no shortage of dudes who’d say “eff it” and put it down on a female with Buffies’s body and a totem-pole head.
By Gregory on Mar 27, 2007
Uh naw. I have dated someone who was fine but was dumb. Does that count?? I tried to ignore the dumbness but in the end, I couldn’t.
By Hostess on Mar 27, 2007
I have terrible eye sight, and there have been times at the club (before drunk) that I see a guy from a distance and he has that swagger, good style, blah blah, then I get closer and he’s ugly as hell. Funny enough though, more women will date “not so attractive in the face” men then men will do the same.
By Peach on Mar 27, 2007
LOL at all ya’ll
It is so great to find a site where silly even wicked humored souls meet!
cosigns with Peach.
That’s why I hate staying at the club until it closes because when the lights come on and you really see what the dude looks like (a cross between a walrus and waterbug)…you fly to coat check like flo jo
men are so fucking vain.
By Anonymous on Mar 27, 2007
Like that “In Living Color” skit:
You went to bed with someone that looked like Janet Jackson…but woke up and they looked like Tito!
By Golden Silence on Mar 27, 2007
Leon, here’s a tip from one pimp to another.
Whenever you see a fine looking woman from the back, try and observe the people that are face to face, especially if they’re men. You can tell by the look of a man’s eyes who is facing her what she looks like. If he doesn’t do a double take or makes eye contacts and is left without expression, chances are she ain’t that hot. If it’s a woman who is facing her, and the woman is ugly, and she’s giving the girl the stank face, chances are it’s because the woman is fine. If the ugly woman is friendly to her, chances are the woman is ugly too.
By Huey P. Langston on Mar 27, 2007
Buttafaces=Ugly men with Ugly…dame damn thing. I too have got caught up…looking at a females rear and then seein her face and doing a 360. Its like God’s playing a cruel joke on us…but i guess if i had to pick, i think i would be ugly with a nice back cuz i sho hate to have no-ass-at-all……
another word for them is TIP DRILL How Nelly say? It must be her ASS cuz it aint her face…I need a TIP DRILL
By NegroPino™ on Mar 27, 2007
I like the term giggle face or chuckle face because when I see it from the back I am like damn then I see the face I am like DAMN!
My first instinct is to laugh you know like on MTV’s Punked. The situation may be fucked up but you have to laugh at it because she fooled your black ass.
Then you peep the ring and it makes you giggle even more because I’m like either duke was mad desperate or he lost a bet. LOL!!
I guess the aesthetically challenged need love too. I mean, she can’t help it that she looks like she has been bobbing for hot fish in hot fish grease. You know, it’s not her fault she looks like a failed shotgun suicide attempt.
Ok, I know I’m wrong but I’m a fucked up dude. LOL!!!
Play Lotto!!!
By Anonymous on Mar 27, 2007
Where the pics at? I know you got a camera on your phone or something. Actually, some video footage would be even nicer.
By LD on Mar 27, 2007
That poor woman. She don’t even know she’s the subject of a fool’s blog.
By Anonymous on Mar 27, 2007
*sigh*
that happens alot in the atl.
as far as my experience goes, a guy was looking at my ass and found it appealing until i turned around. he visably winced and i realized my buckteef kinda turned him off. i told him he could always just fuck me from behind…
we’ve been dating steadily for a few months now.
so yeah, ugly girls with nice bodies STILL get the digits!
oh, and for all you pretty girls out there? don’t worry…i’ll make sure he washes his balls before coming back to ya. ;)
By nikki on Mar 27, 2007
LMAO @ Nikki
Girl, you are not ugly! Stop playin’!
Leon, a wounded jackel…***dead***
By Anonymous on Mar 27, 2007
http://www.famusetfriday.blogspot.com
By Look at the MEAC CHAMPS!!! on Mar 27, 2007
You all are HILARIOUS!! Scepter-head and the “bobbing for hotfish in hotfish grease”….new favs.
Well, it goes both ways but I think women are more likely to deal with a dude who’s face looks like boiling water on pause since women and men have different goals when dating…but yea, waking up to Shrek is not a good look.
Major reason why I dont do the club b/c those d*mn strobe lights are the worse and mixed with enough liquor you are destined to fail. A DC is Jerome, Shabba, Shananya, Wayans sister central. I’ve given quite a few “Jeromes” my number after “one too many drinks” only to regret it later.
By Anonymous on Mar 28, 2007
*And DC
By Anonymous on Mar 28, 2007
negropino™, I want to read your blog…can I get an invite?
By Peach on Mar 28, 2007
All men must deal with this. It’s bad for me cause I get hypnotized by strides and wardrobes. A business outfit with the tennis she brought to wear to lunch walking with confidence will pull me in…sometimes what you find when you get there ain’t good.
By Amadeo on Mar 28, 2007
You are so wrong for writing this! LOL!
I think beauty is much more important than booty, but many men disagree. Men will talk about how a woman’s face is not on point, but most (like 95%) would still hit it, if her booty is right!
By Candace on Mar 28, 2007
You see a fine woman walking with an ugly man….he either has money, or is PACKING and I don’t mean Samsonite. I guess the same rules apply?
By 1969 on Mar 28, 2007
I am in tears over all of these comments.
It kind of reminds me of Friday when Smokey is like Ham, no Burger, Kool Aid, No Sugar.
Often times, I have noticed that women and men who are attractive in the face have to work relatively hard to keep their bodies in shape. And that those that look like, well, let’s just say non aestically pleasing (and of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder), seem to have natural ta-dow.
My mama told me that when she was a young girl that the hometown was trying to get her to marry this guy, who had a really good job, smelled really well, was on his way to college (a big deal in the early sixties) and had a car and all. And was built really well.
She said his face looked like a bulldog. And she never wavers from that word. Bulldog. She didn’t give him a second though. She said she was worried about how the kids would turn out, or how he would look in the AM.
Haha. Y’all crazy up in here.
By P on Mar 28, 2007
lol…Nikki is funny…
these comments are just too real…
and this blog had me thinking of a time when I seen a guy with a nice body only to see his busted mug… my approach is to still date him but only in the dark and on the phone…lol
and then if people ask me what he looks like I would just tell them like omar epps if your 10 ft away, and the sun is in your eyes and you tilt your head to the left a little and squint your eyes while having blurry vision… I’m a optimistic… maybe that is how the guy who married her for her ass sees it…lol
By brwn_eyes_brwngirl on Mar 29, 2007
I have experienced and witnessed the power of a mesmerizing booty, coupled with the color Pink.
Many years ago, during the early 80’s, irritated that the bus was taking too long, I decided to walk half of my route to the other transfer point in hope that I would not miss the other bus. I had just come from the hairdresser and figured that I was looking like a star, so I had to put on my movie star shades. But I did not consider the reaction to the pink jeans I was wearing would cause. There were a lot of hoots and yells during that walk from motorists in reaction to my ample derriere, and I ignored them. But one persistent fellow got upset that I dissed him when he tried to pull up and chat, making the mistake of commenting about my ass first. I tried to be polite, but I guess he was offended when my nicely worded rebuttal had his boys cracking up. He left but later drove back down the street, tossing a red pop at me. Luckily, it missed me by a foot, but it was a lesson I learned. I never wore pink pants again when I knew I was going to take a long walk because the natives can’t handle it.
Another case in point. Last year the freeway was backed up, crawling and I was irate because there was an important meeting at work. I figured somebody had bumped heads and was waiting to be towed. When we finally got around the bend, I was amazed what caused the freeway slow down. On the side, there was a young Black women in the typical getup, braids and tight pink velour sweat suit leaning over the fender, looking in the car engine as a guy was doing repairs. I immediately realized then that the hold up was from all the men, predominately white, craning their neck for a look, but just could not look away.
Yes, Leon, Booty is that mighty and mesmerizing…..
By Sage on Mar 31, 2007
You are just too much “a wounded jackal”??? Hahahahahhaa!
By BronzeTrinity on Apr 2, 2007