Welcome home, baby! These last five days have been rough on me. I have been worrying about what was going to happen to you in prison. Was a big Mexican gang-banger chick named Poochie going to make you her girlfriend? Was the paparazzi going to find a way to sneak in the prison and snap photos of you without makeup on? Would the guards resent you, because you wipe your backside with more money than they make in a year? Would you actually be in the same place at the same time as a (gasp!) cockroach? All of these sceneraios ran through my mind.I just want to let you know that I am here for you, baby. Whatever you need, as long as it does not involve money, I got you. I know you been away from penis for a long five days…I’d be more than happy to let you bounce up and down on mine, because that’s just the kind of friend I am. Come on and give me some of that locked up trust-fund ex-con luvin’!
Don’t think that all I want to do to you is blow your skinny little back out, then make you buy me shiny things. I sincerely care about your well-being! It has to be pretty crazy to go from young heiress, to party girl, to porn star, to convict, all by age 26. Look at it this way: You now have more street cred than most rappers! Plus, house arrest is not really that bad when you’re rich. It’s a safe bet that your place is big enough that you can find something to do to avoid boredom. Just play Playstation 3, watch DVDs, excercise and have sex with me, and those 40 days of house arrest will fly by. Hell, if you’re having sex with the likes of me, you may ask for 40 more days of house arrest! You will no longer be Paris Hilton the patygoer. You will be Paris Hilton, the oversexed recluse.
I know I made fun of you on here for not hiring a driver, but I apologize. The way you handled your incarceration was awe-inspiring! I heard you ran the yard up in there! When I got ahold of the picture you sent me from the jail, I stood up and yelled ”YEAH! MY BABY’S A RIDE OR DIE GANGSTA B*TCH!” Let me show the rest of the world what I’m referring to:
Those tattooed teardrops came from some chicks who tried you in the showers and didn’t know you had the shank hidden in your butt-cheeks! O.G. Big Cheryl told me all about it! Good to know that you got enough heart to fight off the bullies who want to take your woman cookies.
So yeah, call me, baby. I’ll come over and give you what you need….Then play your Playstation 3 and order some nice clothes for myself with your credit card while you’re asleep.
Sincerely,
Leon
locked up trust-fund ex-con luvin’!
ROTFLMAO….you are one crazy man..and I love it!
Leon would you really knock this trick off? Surely you were just playing….right? LOL I’m diggin’ your new site, very nice.
Tell me you are joking- you mess with her -you get the herpes and I’ll never get my chance… to bounce
Dude-she’s got The Herpes. You’re still young,dont throw it all away.
:) Good post though
Ewww…Herpes?! That significantly changes things.
Scratch her name off of here and put Kim Kardashian in her place.
…unless she got the heebee-geebees too.
In that case, I’ll just go with Christina Milian and call it a day.
ahahahaha dude you’re a fool!!
OMG. OMG! That shit right there made me truly LAUGH. I mean a good ole fashion LAUGH. You got talent boy, keep on making me smile!
Leon, I’m completely appalled at that fact you would bang a assless, titless, idiot.
Yo Leon
both Paris and Kim got the…nasty girl disease. be careful brutha, be very very careful.
ps. good finally meeting you Wednesday night down @ Common Share. Chill spot, good music (dj2tone waddup), and the finest bartender I’ve seen in a min.
Another Classic from the Hustleman files. Lovin it! Keep up the great work my man!
i swear leon, you & your posts are the best thing since lipgloss & condoms.
This is one of those times where I just don’t know what to say to you lol. Good work on the tear drops and rose though lol!!
Leon, you trippin! You better sheath yourself in an industrial strength Glad trash bag AND strap up three times if you plan on being within ten feet of a naked Paris…is the trust fund money really worth having Leon Jr. jr. turn blue, shrivel up, and fall the hell off ?!? Ick!
I have been watching Paris Hilton’s BFF. Where do they come across these folks? They are from another planet!
Paris Hilton is pretty for sure.