The pursuit of sex can lead an otherwise normal individual to do some highly unusual things. Something happens once the blood leaves the part of a man’s brain that usually processes logical thoughts, and travels to his genital region. Lust begins to cloud judgement, and what was once foolish somehow becomes acceptible if it is a precursor to possibly getting laid.
A perfect example of this is illustrated in a story from my days at Hampton University. I took a physical education elective class titled “Personal Defense.” I figured it would probably be a lot of women in that class, plus, I’m all for learning new and better ways to f*ck people up. As expected, I met a bunch of pretty ladies, and I learned how to break someone’s wrist, while simultaneously tying their kidneys in a knot. So don’t mess with me, because I can bust your chops.
One young lady in particular lived a few apartments away from me in my complex. She was short and petite, with very large breasts. She looked kind of plain-jane in the face, but with a body like hers, it allowed you to grade her appearance on a curve. Actually, a couple of curves. A couple of nice, round, supple, bouncy curves. We’ll call her “Little Big Boobs” so that her true identity will not be put out there.
One Saturday, Little Big Boobs invited me over to her place to help her practice some techniques for the class final. I saw this as my chance. Earlier that week, she had complained to me about how much her boyfriend got on her nerves. She kept on referring to him as soft and weak, and I did my usual thing and cracked jokes about him. So when I got the call to come over to her place, I had a good feeling that she was going to throw some pent-up, “my boyfriend can’t satisfy me and I need a real man like you to come f*ck the taste out my mouth” kind of lovin’ my way.
Once I arrived, I was a little dissapointed to see that this other dude was there. Apparently, he just stopped by unannounced, and beat me there by five minutes. The good news was that Little Big Tits was wearing this wraparound dress that looked king of like a giant towel(proving she had no intention of actually doing personal defense moves), plus she had a porn playing in her room. The bad news is, the other guy, we’ll call him, “Reluctant Cock-Blocker” noticed the porn in the front room before I did, and invited himself in her bedroom to see what she was watching.
So at one point, it’s me, Little Big Tits and Reluctant Cock-Blocker sitting on the bed watching smut together. Little Big Tits is looking sexy, and I can tell that Reluctant Cock-Blocker had the same thing on his mind that I did. I began to think that maybe Little Big Tits planned it this way, and wanted to have a threesome, but since I am not all that cool with sexual scenarios where the men outnumber the women, I didn’t try to initiate anything. Instead, my horny logic told me that I should wait things out and try to get him to leave, without being an asshole and pissing off Little Big Tits by saying something rude to her guest. Nowadays, I’d just be mean, but back then, I used to try to use finesse in situations like that, when quick, aggressive thinking would have been much more effective.
I have to admit, Reluctant Cock-Blocker was a very cool guy. The more we talked, the more we kept making each other laugh, all the while keeping Little Big Tits entertained. The bad thing about that is, we both had the same plan. At one point, she went in the bathroom and Reluctant Cock Blocker and I had this conversation while she was away:
RCB: You’re thinking the same thing as me, huh?
Leon: I’m thinking I want to f*ck the sh*t out of Little Big Tits. That’s what I’m thinking.
RCB: Yeah dude, we’re thinking the same thing.
Leon: Fair enough. I’m not leaving, cause she invited me.
RCB: I’m staying, cause I was here first.
Leon: Sh*t…looks like we got ourselves a sexual stand-off. A pussy stalemate.
RCB: (laughing) Well sh*t. As good as she’s looking, I’m willing to run a train if you are.
Leon: I don’t want to do that sh*t…but at this point, f*ck it. I’m going first!
Little Big Tits walked in the room while we were still laughing from the conversation. Our standoff lasted about 15 more minutes, before she said the she was tired and told us she was going to sleep. At that point, both Reluctant Cock Blocker and I both decided to throw in the towel and cut our losses. We laughed about the situation for awhile outside her apartment, then he left and I went home.
The next day, this fellow graphic design major, R&B(once again, another nickname to protect identities), came through my apartment. He told me that he stopped by Little Big Titty’s apartment about an hour after I left, and they f*cked like wild animals for the rest of the night. I told him about how she was already warmed up for my visit, but the other guy messed things up for me. R&B then told me that I should just do a random neighborly visit the next time I see her bedroom light on, because it’s really that easy.
I never did do the neighborly visit, because that next week, the punk boyfriend that she always complained about moved in. She actually came to my place late one night, claiming that she wanted to use my computer. So we walked back to my room, closed the door, and…SHE USED MY COMPUTER! Can you believe she had the nerve to actually want something from me late at night other than sex?! How f*cked up is that? I might have been able to get some had I stayed up all night and waited for her to finish typing her paper, but I just got in the bed and went to sleep, pitching a tent like nobody’s business.
I never did have sex with Little Big Tits. It just wasn’t meant to be. Still, I think of her every time I start to let Leon Jr. jr do the thinking that the head on top of my shoulders should be doing.
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LOL!! Leon u are so crazy!
Wait a minute was she wearing a blue wraparound dress…and had a mouth like a hoover?….yeah I know her…lol
Yo man, this is one of the funniest stories I’ve read from you in a lil while lol!!! You should have left your keys in between the seat cushions and then went back for them after dude left!! Man if I was a dude, I’d get so much booty lol. And I don’t know why she aint put dude out. Sex aint a “first come first served” kinda thing!
You’s a fool Leon Lil Big Tits?!!! LOL!
This is one of the greatest stories I have ever heard. Stories from HBCU life are always the best. I have missed out on some prime pussy in my days too. You cant win them all, but you can damn sure make the playoffs. Keep up the good work man.
“Pussy Stalemate” *dead*
Classic sh*t Leon.
oh, leon. hahaha
very good story.
I still cant believe ya’ll were sitting up in there watching porn. lol
that was really funny…bright side is your probably walked away from a burning sensation 3 days after.
Oh my gosh!!…this shit is classic leon story telling….funny..that chick is fasssst..and hour after U left! She wanted one of you guyzs to make a move, but was trying to be subtle…smh.
I bet your first thought when u saw him was, “ain’t that a bitch!!” You shoulda told him he had some dice up on his nose or something, lol!!! You coulda put that mandingo mackdown on ol’ girl when he went to check since she was already in “fuck” mode….
Totally off subject…matter of fact, I didn’t even read your post… I’ll do that in a minute….
….ummm, who is the dude that makes t-shirts for you? A cousin? Either way… I want a t-shirt that says “Ofay”…. c’mon dude… you can make something funny out of Ofay!
Put a little ditty to it and make it catchy… I wanna wear it around NY…and on my visits to the DC area… I’ve never seen it… you’d be the first…
What say you?
OK…so I read this…
Umm, you actually said…it wasn’t meant to be?!?!
It was meant to be the first time around… you just weren’t aggressive enough. You musta nodda wanted it.. musta nodda! ‘Cause when she headed to the bathroom… you should have excused yourself with the ruse of going to get a glass of water… but staked out the bathroom… headed her off at the pass and told her that you wanted to touch it with your love machine every way possible and to let dude fade to black because you had a plan for the night…
Meanwhile YOU’RE back at the ranch having a talk with the field hand about whatcha “wanna do to her”…. glad your a tad bit older…”cause I know you wouldn’t let shit go down like that NOW!
You know I talk alotta shit to be so little, Cool Breeze…lol
bloopty!
Another classic Leon story.
LOL @ Blah Blah Blah !!
LOVE the story Leon, LOL!
I pray you have better game now…
A wrap around dress and porn playing ? COME ON ! She wasnt being delicate or coy. She wanted you both in fact, cause she could have had old boy go about his day when you arrived.
Make a mental note to pay attention to the pussy when its trying to talk to you.
This is messed up. You shouldn’t tell this story to people because it takes you down a peg. It’s like if you’re having a conversation with Mike Tyson and he tells you about how Herman Weinberger used to beat him up and steal his lunch money in the 5th grade. You just can’t look at the man the same way after that.
If she came “to use your computer”, you should at least have asked to squeeze a titty–on principle!
I know I’m late, but man..thank you for posting this story in your greatest hits….
HILARIOUS man….I cracked up…out loud…in the computer lab…on Pussy Stalemate! and I KNOW you prolly said it for real! You’s a fool man!
Dude, you wrote this in 2007 and it just happen to me last night. I immediately thought of this story as sat across from my competition. Without words the convo went like this.
Him: I was here first.
Me: I brought the liquor, games, and got the party started.
Him: Damn
Me: Yeah respect my lead.
Now at this point the respect for him went down quick as the look on his face went to bitch mode. And I knew exactly what was about to happen. *drumroll please* The lean back armfold and the look that said I’m not leaving no matter what.
ME: DAMMMNNN! (Now back in the day I wouldn’t have given a damn left him the chair and escorted her to the bedroom but I’ve been a little of off and wasn’t sure if i could seal the deal. Plus in this day and age there is no telling what would had happen when my back was turned.)
Ms. Lady came back to the room with the look one of you got to go….So I made the excuse had to go to another party and told her that I will talk to her later.