I was sexually harassed three different times yesterday. The crazy part of it is that I really do not know why. Well, actually…I do know why. As I so eloquently stated over on my Fine Sh*terature blog for King Magazine, God quite obviously likes me better than most people.
What I faill to understand is, why did I get all of the harassment on a random Monday? I have no idea what it was that gave people the incredible urge to tell me that they want to jump my bones on that particular day. Maybe my swagger was walking three feet ahead of me and announcing my presence to all those nearby. Maybe the Unforgiveable cologne was just that: Unforgiveable. People felt like they had the right to harass me, since I had no business leaving the house smelling so good.
Whatever the case, the first bit of harassment came that morning as I was leaving the Metro station. A normal-looking fellow with dreadlocks and a business suit on walked past me, then yelled out “MMMMMMMMMPH! DAMN BOY! MMMMPH!”
I didn’t know what to do. Do I punch him in the throat? Do I run for my life? Do I act like I didn’t hear him and walk away, praying to God that he doesn’t approach me and force me to kill him with my bare hands? I went with option 3, and walked away shaking my head, thinking to myself, “Lord Jesus please don’t let this fool follow me up the escalator.” I really was not in the mood to deal with that after riding the train on the hottest day of the year(so far) and having to stand next to some guy who smelled spicy. It was almost like the fool put paprika and seasoning salt under his arms instead of deodorant. After enduring Mr. Spicy Man’s smell, gay sexual harassment was the last thing I felt like dealing with.
The second bit of harassment came on the street. A homeless lady was out there cursing out every person that passed by her without giving her money. She stopped mid-sentence while chastizing the lady near me, when she looked in my direction and said “Mmmmh! Don’t you pass by and ignore me baby. Why don’t you come here?”
Once again, I acted like I did not hear the harassment and sped up the pace of my walk. It must have been something in the air yesterday, because I don’t think Brad Pitt or George Clooney ever had to deal with being cat-called by a gay man and a homeless woman in the same day. Yet, they are rich international sex symbols, and I am a poor, ashy-kneecapped blogger in Washington DC.
The third bit of cat-calling did not happen until around 9:00 at night. I stopped by my sister’s place, but on the way, a woman in a Benz SUV squealed and waved at me as she pulled up to a red light. The SUV was fairly good-looking. The woman was not. Either way, this bit of harassment was not quite as bad as the other instances. At least it was a fairly clean-looking female this time.
Readers, thank you for giving me a healthy outlet where I can tell these stories. Making you all laugh with these crazy personal observations on life is cheaper than therapy. Plus, if you all do what you’re supposed to do and CLICK ON THE SPONSOR ADS, it’ll be like therapy that pays for itself. So click ‘em!
I told you, you get it more than I do. You the man. (nullus)
Listen to Leon > Listen to my P.O.
coconuts homie. coconuts.
Awwwwwwww LOL You should be flattered though! Its going to be okay!
I would click on the sponsor ads, but the one below is saying something about a “Cock Valve?”…whatever that is….So…I”ll have to pass! LOL
I think my favorite is the fact this man smelled more like a spice rack..than Old Spice. Damn. Garlic Paprika should NOT be a deoradant flavor. Thanks for the laughter as always! LOL!!!
I am soooo jealous. LOL! you must have had your crazy folks magnet on that day. Lord KNOWS it is too hot for that mess. That is how black men end up on the front page with quotes from famiy and friends say “he was such an ass” Holla!
LMAO!!!! Go head Sexy Leon!!! Rocking that Unforgiveable what were you thinking? You should bottle your sexiness and sell it for 9.99..Lol!!!
DC is a wild place. My lil sister goes to Howard and she tells me all kinds of wild stoies too.
Yo if you ever need to get sexually harassed by a gay man you let me know. More than willing to oblige.
In the meantime I gotta wear a suit AGAIN tomorrow. F this heat …
Get over it hun…
I look at your pics and I must admit that your are a “hot peice of ass”. LOL.
But seriously, you are just getting what any attractive woman gets on a regular basis. Yesterday alone I had a she male, the falafel guy and the man across from me on the A train with a persistant “itch” down there sexually harrass me. Don’t even ask about that last one… So just ignore the foolishness, laugh at the irony or perfect your own “negro please” look.
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. I had to get up and walk away from my computer. I’m going back to read the rest now.
It’s an everyday thing in the Nation’s capital. You will always be approached by a crackhead or homeless person. The females will always try to holla. This one lady came up to me bumming for some money. I gave her 3 bucks and she said “You a cutie nicely dress can I get a 5?
Beggars can’t be choosers bitch, but thanks for the compliment.
“Beggars can’t be choosers bitch, but thanks for the compliment.”
That’s hilarious Big Homie. So now you get a taste of what we’ve been going through since junior high!
I work near one of the biggest homeless shelters in my area. So inevitably, every morning, walking to my office from my car, some homeless dude usually tries to holla. I’ve just gotten so used to it that I ignore it. However, yesterday leaving work a WHITE, homeless dude asked for change and then proceeded to say “Shake it Baby!” as I walked away. I couldn’t belive his toothless ass, but it was too funny for me and I had a good laugh walking the rest of the way to my car.
On the subject of gettin holla’d at by gays, I was at the gay club on Saturday, only to see RuPaul who was performing and I swear the ugliest chick in the spot tried to get at me. The fact that she was old, ugly and dumpy, didn’t bother me so much as the fact that she had a weak ass line. I would have happily chatted her up and accepted her drink offer had her game been tighter.
Thank you Leon for letting us, your readers express ourself as well. I have been wanting to get that off my chest since Saturday.
Lol @ ur randomness. U didn’t talk about me and my sis’ sexual harrassment though! hehe….see ya soon!
ROFL!!!! I almost died when I read the spicy comment!!! ROFL!!!!
On the harrassment, it’s really not that bad Leon. Like many others have said, we women get it everyday all day. It’s only bad when you get so many advances from jacked up folks that it freaks you out and you have to run to the nearest mirror to make sure you’re still as fine and you remembered lol. It’s like what in the world gave YOU the impression that I would be interested?