When I was young, I used to be terrified of roller coasters. The way that the rides would slow-down as they approached the top of the first hill was basically anticipation of impending death in my fearful young mind. It took me until I was 12 years old to finally ride one of the big ones, and that was mainly out of embarassment. I was getting to be the biggest kid on the kiddie ones, and my little cousin who was only 8 was already riding the grown ones with his dad.
After I got up the nerve to ride the Rebel Yell and the Shockwave at Kings Dominion amusement park in VA, I came to realize that I had nothing to fear at all. I became a fan of roller coasters, and seeked out the scariest-looking ones in order to get my amusement park adrenaline fix. Over the past few years, the closest one to providing that sort of gratification was the Superman: Ride of Steel coaster at Six Flags in MD. The main appeal of that ride is that the hill is so high, you feel like you can see Delaware from up there. At the top of the hill, it’s quite possible to give Jesus a high-five.
There is only one ride left at that I sincerely believe is pure evil, and the news today proved me right. It’s the ride where they lift you damn near 200 feet in the air, let you sit there for a minute, then drop you straight down, stopping just a few feet from the ground. Apparently, the Six Flags version, also named after Superman, chopped off some poor girl’s feet at the ankles.
Kings Dominion has a similar ride built by the same company which also lifts you straight up in the air and drops you a few feet from imminent death. I rode that thing one time after being challenged by some friends, and after it was over, I knew the ride’s design was probably inspired by medieval instruments of death. While waiting in line, I thought I was being slick. I counted each ride that went before mine, and realized that they averaged about 4 seconds of time sitting at the top before dropping everyone. I just knew I would be able to brace myself after the count of 4, and make the fall more manageable.
When I finally got on the ride and made it to the top, I counted to 4, held my breath, and tensed every muscle in my body. Then, after a couple of seconds, I let my guard down. I started thinking to myself “What the Hell is going on here? It was supposed to drop at foooOOOOOOOAAAAHHHHHELPMEJESUS!!!!!!!”
That damn thing dropped me, mid-thought. I tried to yell, but when I opened my mouth, I couldn’t even make a sound. I looked like the terrified black guy in an 80′s horror movie who knew he was about to die. By the time the ride was over, I had to try to pull it together quickly before anyone noticed. I manually shut my mouth with my hands, and took a few deep breaths before walking over to my friends and proclaiming out loud that I will never get on that death trap of a ride again.
Everybody said I was overreacting by saying that the ride has the devil in it…but what can they say now? The thing cut off both of that girl’s feet! That’s twice as bad as what they did to Kunta Kinte in Roots! Suppose she was from Chi-town…All her friends at the cookout Stepping in the Name of Love this summer, and she has to sit there and watch, pissed off. Or if she’s from ATL, how the Hell is she supposed to Walk it Out with two DuPont prosthetic feet? Then again, modern medicine is pretty impressive these days. Maybe the doctors can re-attach them and she won’t miss a beat. If so, I want to trade in my feet for Savion Glover’s, or maybe M.C. Hammer’s. It would be fun to walk in a party one day and just start dancing like the human version of Happy Feet or something.
Oh yeah, check out the Store section of the site. I finally made it easier for folks to see the shirt designs and order the style and color that they want. I plan on upping at least 10-15 new styles and designs next week, so stay tuned!
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“What the Hell is going on here? It was supposed to drop at foooOOOOOOOAAAAHHHHHELPMEJESUS!!!!!!!”
I did a spit take –pepsi all over my desk
I heard about this earlier today and watched more of it awhile ago at the barbershop. That is some crazy shit. I love rollercoasters too much to give up on them, but it does make me concern.
I have been on a similar ride at Disney World. Its definitely not for the faint of heart. That lil girl is in for a huge payday, but her life will never been the same. I go to amusement parks for the Funnel Cakes and the single moms…so staying away from the rides is not and never will be a problem.
Did you read the part of the article where they guy wrote “there was a stream of cars and foot traffic”
what a jack ass.
Oh my goodness this was funny. Eddie is thinking something is wrong with me. Hilarious! How you gon’ say she can’t step in the name of love?
This is jacked up!!! How you gon’ post this shit when I just got a load of “buy one get one free” coupons for Magic Mountain at my job, and was planning to take all 5 of my little cousins there next Friday?!?! I been dying to go to that joint! And you going to the 6th level of hell for those “Walk it out” and “Step in the name of love” comments…(See ya there!) LOL
Rebel Yell was the joint and Superman is…we went with my job and I left the kids and rode that thing like 5 times.
well… we dont have Superman, but at Wonderland (in toronto) we’ve got drop zone which is practically the same thing with a different name..
BEST BELIEVE you’re not gonna find my ass on that thing again…. not like i was really feelin it in the first place. jeezgosh.
but i do feel bad for that girl…
It’s official. I can’t EAT or DRINK while reading your bolg lol. “Twice as bad as what they did you Kunta? Step in the name of love? WALK IT OUT? A mess!!! ROFL!!
This post was wrong on so many levels… LOL! And the person who wrote the story was wrong too LOL!
DEAD@ not being able to walk it out, or Step… I’m going to Hell for laughing at that!
trade feet with hammer?? I think I’d trade feet with shaq or somebody so I can walk around kicking people with my huge ass feet all day…lol… but yeah I good on rollercoster forever after hearing that story…I like all my limbs every day.
I heard about this, but like “Big Homie”, I think I love them too much to give them up. I rode that big monster on the top of the Strastophere in Vegas? I know what you’re talking about. The devil is in that one, too. By the time that thing starting shooting up into the air, I had completely lost my breath. I also rode the other nightmares up there too…this time, with my eyes closed. That really helps, you know.
“Suppose she was from Chi-town…All her friends at the cookout Stepping in the Name of Love this summer, and she has to sit there and watch, pissed off.”
YOU AINT SHIT FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!
It is still safer to go on these rides, then drive a car. Well, staistically at least.
Did anyone know that the host of this site is a Improver as well?
LMAO @ the dupont feet. I can’t ride rollercoasters. Each time I fall into prayer, prayin I get off alive.
@ Jeremy, I am going to dedicate an entry just to YAP Improv pretty soon. Especially after the way the show went! And you’re right. Statistically it’s safer. Still, a car never picked me up 50 feet in the air, then dropped me! LOL