Is That a B*tch, or a N*gga?
Posted by ListenToLeon on
June 27, 2007
*Warning* Today’s entry contains very strong language, and may come across as insensitive, even by www.listentoleon.net standards. It is not Leon’s intent to offend. Rather, Leon would like to bring the world together through humor, and teach the world to laugh at itself. That said, if you are unattractive and/or lack the ability to take a joke, you might want to stop reading right now. As for all of the readers who are not sensitive douchebags, please enjoy today’s entry!*
I lost a bet last Monday. Although no money was exchanged during the course of the bet, it still hurt to lose it because of the nature of the particular bet. I lost this bet, because I could not guess the gender of the person waiting the table I was at in a particular restaurant in DC(which shall go unnamed since the server was very nice and does not deserve to be embarrassed).
Before you start laughing, you have to understand that it was very hard to tell. The server had a slim build, almost shoulder-length dread locs, and a shade of peach fuzz on the upper lip, but not enough facial hair to be distinctive. He/she sort of had a “lil Tevin Campbell” quality when speaking, that further made things confusing.
Once the mystery gendered server left, I asked the ladies at the table ”Is that a b*tch? Or is it a n*gga? It’s probably just a b*tch-ass n*gga. Then again, it could be a b*tch that just looks like a n*gga. Help me. I’m confused.”
That’s when the bet was made. The person whom I made the bet with said that it was a woman because it appeared to have some vague semblance of breasts. I said that those were man-tits, and the slight facial hair is what convinced me it was male in gender. The debate raged on, until the moment I saw the server’s signature on the check. It read “Susan.”
At first, I conceded defeat, but then I claimed that “Susan” might be an alias created by the server until he can save up enough money for a sex change operation. The folks at the table were not trying to hear it. No money changed hands, but the debate rages on.
What is it these days with folks whose style straddles the gender line? When did looking androgynous become cool? “Fashion-forward” grown men buying women’s jeans…N*ggas wearing bangles, charm bracelets and belts with rhinestones on ‘em…B*tches wearing baggy jeans like they have a pair of balls, walking up the street, looking like extras in a Crime Mob video…When does it stop?
I’m all for individual style. A lot of my favorite musicians were also some of the freakiest, most outlandishly dressed people on the planet. That said, I could always tell if they were men or women. Prince crossed that line a couple of times, but for the most part, I could tell his gender.
This bothers me when everyday people do it, because folks tend to get offended when you can’t tell. I even felt bad after finding out that I lost the dinner bet, because I was saying “Thanks bruh” and “Alright cuz” to the waiter who actually turned out to be a waitress. She probably did all kinds of messed up things to my hot wings after she found out that I could not tell the difference.
So on a closing note, I must say this: If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, I’m going to assume that it probably has a beak and feathers. So if I offend any of you b*tch-ass n*ggas, or b*tches who look like n*ggas, then so be it. You know what the hell you’re doing, so don’t get upset!
P.S., Click my motherf*ckin’ ads!
30 Responses to “Is That a B*tch, or a N*gga?”
Gender benders are usually gay.
By Candace on Jun 27, 2007
as soon as you said, “shoulder-length dread locs” i knew exactly who you were talking about. me and my mom had the same bet and i won even though i was a lil tipsy off my dc tap water.
By Danyelle on Jun 27, 2007
*dead* nigga u aint shit. seriously.
By Resha on Jun 27, 2007
@ Danyelle, I hope we’re not referring to the same server at the same place! I even tried to change the name to protect him/her!
@ Candace, that would not suprise me. How’s everything with you?
By Hustleman on Jun 27, 2007
@ Resha, you know you love me woman!
By Hustleman on Jun 27, 2007
Somebody say lil Tevin Campbell?????….lol
By Velocity Magazine Editor on Jun 27, 2007
I think you are assuming folks tend to get offended. I think many people who are trying to blur the gender line are doing it purposely, some probably to defy our patriarchal culture and to make people, such as yourself, feel a little uncomfortable and possibly question constructs in our society such as gender. I mean, you honestly think this woman looks into the mirror and doesn’t see exactly what you saw??
By natalie on Jun 27, 2007
That’s hilarious and scary at the same time. It’s gettin to the point where I’m requesting to see your birth certificate if you want to date me.
By Khaleela on Jun 27, 2007
@ Khaleela, I have mine right here ;)
@ Natalie, you’re probably right.
@Velocity Editor, that Tevin Campbell guy used to crack me up on the Russ Parr morning show!
By Hustleman on Jun 27, 2007
I feel ya on this because sometimes it’s so hard to tell. Like those Maury shows to see if you can tell if the transvesty is really a woman or a man (I can only get half right which is scary in itself). But being offended by this just means someone couldn’t tell if you were a boy or a girl. I mean s**t happens…
By Shawna on Jun 27, 2007
Ha. Everytime I see someone who looks like Little (or is it Lil’) Wayne, I’m unclear of gender. And the thousandaire shirts are cute. I would get one if I felt like, in some way it would benefit me or my blog :-)
By Hostess on Jun 27, 2007
2 words… hot mess…I feel you i’m so tired of seeing these so called “studs”. What really pisses me off is in the CHI they come as young as 13 years old. Wait….they have the audacity to grab their b*tch when my fine ass walk by…trust…i love men and have no problem with you even if ur bi-curious but d*mn stick to da script, play ya role if ur a woman who like women then dress like a f*cking woman.
By Tan on Jun 27, 2007
Something similar happened to me at a DC restaurant! I lost a bet to my buddy, who challenged me when I openly voiced my opinions about our servers sexual orientation. He was a very slim, stylishly dressed, soft spoken man, and I thought he was gay. But we asked him, and he denied it. I usually have great gaydar, but lately the large numbers of extremely-metrosexual men have been throwing me off. I need to work on that, cause I just might miss out on something good if I dont!
L
By lola gets on Jun 27, 2007
I use to have one working in the mall at my part time job and we use to argue all day about if it was a man with a sex change or just a very tall woman as woman with a mans voice. If you look at her you see a woman though until she speaks. Many say it was a man other say it was a woman.
Til this day, we still do not know and never will so til this day.
By Big Homie on Jun 27, 2007
i don’t know, leon…you might have won that bet for real. i say that because in high school, i worked at a ponderosa steakhouse (midwest!), and there was a waitor (yes, he was a dude!) whose name tag said “britney”. he swore up and down that was his birthname! what’s funnier is now that i’ve graduated from college, whenever i’m home, i go to the new ihop around the way, and there he is…still rockin the britney nametag.
By caroline on Jun 27, 2007
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA…..its funny how our impromptu dinner turned into a blog…Yeah he/she needs to do better about his/herself…for real. She needs to have a Hi my name is Boy/Girl sticker on her shirt for real!
By Nyasha on Jun 27, 2007
2 words… hot mess…I feel you i’m so tired of seeing these so called “studs”. What really pisses me off is in the CHI they come as young as 13 years old. Wait….they have the audacity to grab their b*tch when my fine ass walk by…trust…i love men and have no problem with you even if ur bi-curious but d*mn stick to da script, play ya role if ur a woman who like women then dress like a f*cking woman.
yeah…i never undertood that, like why do women like women who look like men? then they get fucked with a fake dick! that shit dont make no sense to me.
By Doc on Jun 27, 2007
OK, this is the same feeling I get when I see the chick/dude from the wire Snoop – the dude/chick was at the BET Awards last night, with her/his chain hanging low. I thought I saw a nut print.
By Passion on Jun 27, 2007
There’s this dude/girl at Blockbuster. Her cornrows stay tight and she has man lips. And I swear she tapes her boobs down.
And..where are these ads? I have not seen one ad on this site
By meems on Jun 27, 2007
Yeah… I don’t know what the deal is but now days people have just lost their minds. And now you see kids around middle school age kids crossing the line full force. I saw a special on dateline where these kids, as young as five and six, telling their parents they wanted to be the opposite sex. What’s worse is the fact the parents were going along with it by giving them different hormones and dressing them up as the opposite sex. That’s just ridiculus.
By masp360 on Jun 27, 2007
Thank you for being the person to actually say something about this! There have been many times when I couldn’t tell who the hell I was talking to…I just want to say thank you for saying what everyone has been thinking!
By Lady A on Jun 27, 2007
This is completely off topic…I clicked on one of your damn ads and figured I’d click around on the site just in case they had a site tracker that contiunes tracking the clicks or some crap like that. I was on a laser hair removal site and was intruiged by the permanent makeup link so I checked it out. Why the hell was one of the FIRST pics I saw a before and after pic of a nippless tit?!! The woman apparently had an areola tatooed on her breast! What in the world??!!! Forget the fact that I’m at work and there are bare breast even on my screen, I have just NEVER seen a breast without a nipple before and I couldn’t stop staring! How the hell does that happen? I was so enthraled, the fact that there are women retarded enough to get makeup PERMANENTLY tatooed to their faces went over my head! I gotta be more careful bout helpin you out while at work from now on lol.
By Mahogany Brown on Jun 28, 2007
oh my. i have a co-worker that i STILL dont know the gender of. And I have been working here for over a year and a half.
By [peach] on Jun 28, 2007
i remember there was one I used to work with. I couldn’t figure out if it were a man or a woman. I mean she wore womens clothes and her hair was styled like one. But when she talked her voice was extremly deep (deeper than Laela Ali’s) And she had a five o’ clock shadow. Her name being Toni also didn’t help.
By Bre on Jun 28, 2007
That is f*ucked up! Meaning the Hair removal ads…But over story is funny as shit.
By nikia on Jun 29, 2007
errrrm…that’s better than the pre-ops i used to see back in the day hangin’ around Long Beach(the Naval Shipyard has closed, i guess they headed down to ‘Diego or up north to ‘Frisco)
i used to see so many Antonio- Fargas- acting- Lindy- from- “Car Wash”- looking-femme queens!!!! (oops i’m telling my age)
with they Diana-Ross-wig-wearing-five-o-clock-shadow-having….SMH!!!
damn shame
oh and clicking on your ads-i did once, but only because youre cute!
By Shonquayshah on Jun 30, 2007
Now what if the server’s name was Pat or Sam or Chris? Would you have asked he/she what they were? That would have truly tested your bitch-slapping championship belt….WHEW. Now that would have been a post and a half.
Only you Leon, Only you………
By 1969 on Jul 2, 2007
hahahahahahahaahahahahahhaahah….i hate that shit…..i work in customer service an every now an then i call a lady sir….at least u could see who u was talkin to..
By Randy Watzon on Jul 5, 2007
could it have actually BEEN Tevin Campbell?? I mean come on now.. LOL.. I am too through about the sister being tipsy off the tap water.. I used to vacate to B-More a lot and the water was like a cocktail.. (and not in a good way!).. this is the first time I have ever been to your blog.. but I will be back! you are funny as hell!
By GOODENess on Jul 6, 2007