I stopped by the ‘Share the last couple of days to get some training, and I am happy to say that I’m ready! I have some tricks up my sleeve now, so if you stop through tonight, you’re in trouble! In a good way!
I might go Tom Cruise on y’all and start juggling liquor bottles while pouring shots at the same time. I might go Sam Malone on y’all and seduce all the women within 5 miles by simply running my fingers through my hair. I might even go Issac from The Love Boat and grow a handlebar moustache.
Who knows what is in store for tonight? All I know is, you need to come through.
Yeah, you.
I know you read that last sentence, so bring yo’ stankin’ ass to the Common Share! Unless your ass really does stink. In that case, stay yo’ stankin’ ass at home.
There are only two ground rules for the evening. Rule number 1 is, no overly outlandish drink orders. I have a combined two days experience, so don’t come up to me with some super fancy drink order that you know not to request from a small bar. I will politely say to you, “Fool, this ain’t The Four Seasons! It ain’t even TGIFridays! You better take this Long Island Iced Tea and drink that damned sh*t!”
I know my friends are going to be the difficult ones, making up drinks that don’t even exist, just to hear me say that I can’t make them. I already know someone is going to come up to me and say something along the lines of “Let me get a Round Supple Teat, and a Slutty Soccer Mom.”
Rule number two is, please don’t make me slap the monkey shine sh*t outta you tonight. Remember to conduct yourselves with some slight amount of home training, and no one will feel the wrath of my baby powder pimp slap.
Hey! I think I’m going to name my signature shot that! The Baby Powder Pimp Slap!
Oh yeah…VOTE LISTENTOLEON.NET!
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Yeeah, I’ll take a pimp slap, please!
I’ll have a key lime martini please.
I would have love to come check you out…you gotta get someone to post some shit on you tube man!
If you see a fine woman, you can say, “Bitch! I’m in a fuckin’ textbook! Now give me yo number so I can teabag that ass!”
Ooooh, another signature drink! I’ll take a Teabaggin’ bitch…seems like a creamy drink!
Oh, if I weren’t 3,000 miles away in CA, I would love to come out and share this momentous occasion with you. Alas, I’ll just have to have a virtual blowjob from here…. ;)
If you know how to make a Bob Marley, I will love you forever…if you don’t…I’ll take a Tequila Sunrise and still love u forever…good luck tnite!
Smooches
FAM!!! You know if I wasn’t 2,000 miles away I would be there to support ya!
I am PISSED that I will not be able to participate in the reckless buffoonery that I know will ensue tonight! I need to hurry up and by me that private jet…LOL
What ingredients would your “baby powder pimp slap” include…yeah, imma need you to get me that info so I can fuck one of these CA bartenders up by ordering it!
Baby Powder Pimp Slap? I can’t stand you lol.
I went out Wednesday night and got so drunk I called out of work yesterday and stayed it in last night. Sorry I couldnt come through, but I would of ordered a…
white snowflake
Wish I could have seen you behind the bar………..I would have order an old time standard…Whiskey Sour.
Tried to vote but got rejected……..so I sent the below message to the Award site. I hope you win again.
To Site Administrator: For your award survey to require folks to vote in all categories is Wack! I only keep up with three of the nominees, and a few that are not even mentioned (I do have a life outside of the Internet) and would be lying if I was to vote on the rest. Please put a selection in the categories like “Don’t Care” or “Not Applicable” or Not Interested.”
But if you are Not going to Do It…
I Still want you to know that My choices are : “Yeah…I Said It, “The Brotha Code”, and “AfroBella”.