Tragedy was narrowly avoided yesterday at my friend Jabbar’s Labor Day cookout. As I walked over to the back stairs to go into his house, my right foot barely made it onto the wooden step. When I attempted to apply the force needed to move forward, I slipped off. In the blink of an eye, I was headed towards certain death!
Well, maybe not certain death per-se, but I was definitely headed towards an embarassing bruise on my forehead, and possibly some blood loss.
About 7 people saw me falling, but only one man stepped up to save the day: Sam Adams. I just happened to have a bottle of Sam in my left hand as I was falling into the steps. Out of instinct, I grabbed the bottle tightly, and used it to break my fall by shifting the force of my momentum onto the bottle. It’s hard to explain without a physical re-enactment, but the move was a testament to both my superior upper-body strength, and the quality of bottle-making at the Sam Adams plant in Boston. I could not avoid the ensuing jokes, but I did avoid damaging this ruggedly handsome face of mine. So go ahead, make all of the jokes you want about me busting my @ss at a cookout. My only comeback is, you better leave your wives and girlfriends away from me, because I will impregnate them with a mere glance from these eyes of mine! In nine months, you will be wondering why your child is light-skinned with a unbelievable swagger and an oversized wang.
I owe my life to you, Sam! Although if you think about it, if I were not drinking Sam Adams, maybe my balance would have been a little better and I might not have slipped off of the step. According to that theory, I would have to change the title to read Sam Adams Saved My Life, Because Sam Adams Almost Killed Me!
I’m a glass half-full kind of thinker, so I am going to focus on the positive side of things. I am alive and well, with no injuries from the cookout, unless you consider mosquito bites injuries. So I salute you, Sam Adams: Brewmaster. Patriot. And now, Lifesaver.
“In nine months, you will be wondering why your child is light-skinned with a unbelievable swagger and an oversized wang. ”
U should put in there short as hell too.
Bhahhahaha
Tall people are evil.
Satan gave you all that height so that y’all could do his bidding! I’m convinced of that!
sugarpie..that child support check is late…
xoxo
Balance is critical, man. Clearly if you had the super human reaction speed as i’ve been endowed with you would’ve been able to play it off into some type of magical flip that would’ve immediately garnered all present female attention and male jealousy. Maybe next time.
Anyways, good lookin’ Mr Adams. Nice page.
Thank you, Sam, for saving that precious face ;)
See Sam Adams is “Always a good choice” WOW! I am the absolute WORST EVER!
Sam Adams ain’t got nothing on that Sam Jacksons! IT’LL GET YA DRUNK!
You’re as crazy as they get *lol*
LOL!
Is there nothing that Sam Adams can’t do! Had to make it dramatic, didn’t you? My name is Leon too, if you haven’t noticed. Check out my blog.
Damn thank god for good ol Sam. I hope Sam wasn’t the reason why you fell.
I’m cracking up, lol. I’ll never look at a Sam Adams the same again.
lmao @ Sam Adams Saved My Life, Because Sam Adams Almost Killed Me! sam summer is delish!
Yo, we were drinking Sam (Cherry Wheat) on a friends roof the other day and he dropped his empty bottle three stories and it didn’t break.
What I find so interseting is you could never find this anywhere else.