My stepfather is a lawyer. Actually, my stepfather is a great lawyer, who works extremely hard to protect the best interests of his clients. He reads this blog now, so I have to make it a point to say something nice things about him every so often to keep the free legal advice coming!
Just playing. I would have said that regardless of his saving me from having to rely on some cheap-assed alternative like Prepaid Legal to keep me out of trouble. If it weren’t for this man, I would have become a slave to Columbia House back when I was 15 years old. Thanks to a timely, threatening letter signed by a lawyer, I am no longer in Columbia House contract bondage. I’m banned for life, but who cares? I still got my 15 free CDs!
I brought up my stepfather because I helped him move into his new office yesterday. As a result of transferring paperwork and files to boxes, I made two observations: My pimp hand is not really all that strong, and certain people were dealt a bad hand in life the day that they were born.
The pimp hand comment referrs to the amount of paper cuts that I received to both hands in the filing process. It got so bad, that I had to take a break and treat my wounds for fear of getting blood on the legal papers I was moving around. There were no band aids in sight, so I had to go Black MacGyver and create my own with a napkin and some masking tape. My fingertips were all taped up like Michael Jackson’s by the time I was done.
* I realize that my second observation may be deemed offensive by some. If that is the case, then I can only offer this one disclaimer: Stop being so sensitive and grow a pair! Now, on to the point I originally intended to make before addressing the few candy-asses who might be upset by the following paragraphs.*
Seeing the names in the filing cabinet also made me realize that some people never really had a chance to avoid legal trouble. When you give your child a messed-up name, it’s almost like the poor kid was born on probation, with an “I’m going to rob you once I learn to walk” sign on his chest.
I want to send this word of advice to my black people, mainly because I love you: LIFE IS MUCH EASIER WITH STANDARD ENGLISH NAMES! Discrimination still exists, so remember that when you name your kids. I’d be willing to put my money on Robert and Lisa getting chosen for job interviews before Delante and Dysheeka. The latter two would have to have some OUTSTANDING credentials and flawless presentation, and even still, some people will see the names and probably toss their resumes in the trash.
I will not go so far as to say that a name alone determines whether or not you will be saving college money, or bail money. A name does not contain that much power. I will however, say that it has been statistically proven that if you name your kid after the celebrity that you wish was your baby’s father (ex. Method Manchester, Carmelo Anthony Jones, etc), your car (ex. Elauntra, Denali, etc), your favorite store (ex. Neiman Marcus Harris, Costco Lopez, etc) or just make up something flat-out hideous (ex. Thephonso), you will have a harder time keeping that child off the corner and/or the stripper pole. You can choose to heed my advice, or you can give your child a messed up name so that you can hire one of the lawyers in my family to defend him or her in about a decade. The choice is yours!
Yea Leon is a pretty fucked up name to give someone..lmao. Naw but forreal, I was just telling someone the other day, my ex knows someone who’s last name is Martin and named their daughter Remy.
Can you imagine calling that name out during roll call in school?
I always talk about this because I work in schools. I’ve seen:
Donqwayveous (guess when he grows up, he can tell people to just call him “Don”)
Eli’Jah (cause the original spelling just wasn’t good enough for the family…lol)
Dayteesha (no comment…this child is a hell cat!!!)
Malayzia (yeah, said like the country Malaysia, but different, ya know?!? lol)
That’s just a sample. As a psychologist, I plan to do a study (this is serious) on the correlation between complexity of phonetic coding of a name and academic and behavior referrals in school. I think you’re really onto something when you say how a name gives a kind a bad rap…
@ Big Homie, I know…I’m one to talk. Leon is an ex-con name!
@ Classyjojo, that is an excellent idea. I really think that you should do it.
I work as a substitute teacher and you wouldn’t believe some of the fucked up ass names that parents give their kids. And the kids get all mad and shit when I mispronounce their names. Of course, I’ll apologize if I’m wrong, but hell, I can’t help it if your mama gave you a fucked up ass name!
When I lived in Florida, I was in the library when someone over the intercom called out “Will Soulja Jackson please come to the front lobby? I repeat, will Soulja Jackson please come to the front lobby?” I laughed like a hyena when I heard that.
BTW, thanks for the link. Leons of the world unite!
I’m going to pretend that you’re not cracking on my government name. Even Africans who speak Swahili have been doubters that my name is African. On second thought, maybe they are right…. lol… they’ve been telling me that it’s spelled wrong. No different to them than naming your child Dwyane or Antawn is to us, I guess. But at least I don’t live in Nigeria or Chad or someplace where it would be obvious.
With the car names, you don’t name your child after the car you have (Elantra, Cressida, Aspire) but the car you wish you had (Mercedes, Porsche, Lexus… ok maybe Denali fits here).
I have a close friend who’s a doctor in a hospital in Indianapolis and he told me he came across a black man whose name is pronounced phonetically shi-theed, but is spelled Shithead…I shit you not…lol
@ D, there was a girl that went to school with me named Asshole (pronounced Ash-O-Lay). I never met the poor girl, but I visited a friend at her on-campus place, and saw the name on the mailbox. I asked “Why are they calling the woman in that room an asshole?” She then explained the pronunciation thing. Poor woman. A also met an African lady named “Titty” once, but I actually felt kind of juvenile and uncultured for laughing at that one!
@ Milkmayun, your name is cool. It’s different in a good way. I wasn’t talking about you at all. Stop being insecure!
@ Leon, LEONS OF THE WORLD UNITE! We need to form a syndicate, like The Wu Tang Clan, or Voltron. That would kick ass!
I agree. I’ve heard some atrocious names, especially those ones which are a fusion of two or more names, like Tyquashawn. I know parents wanna give their kids unique names but damn!
I use to work in human resources in a past lifetime. Look, the ethnic names go straight to the round file! Think about how long it will take your 4-5 year old to learn how to spell and write their name. Don’t punish them, give them a name they (and everyone else) can pronounce AND spell!
i love my name and i dont think its all that bad honestly i know people sometimes think that everyone with a sha in their name is ghetto but thats not true my name is Sharae (shuh ray) i dont think thats too bad. and i hate when people mispronounce my name. i mean come on its not that hard. i work on wall street so my name cant be all that bad if i got a job here lol
Hey- it’s not any easier for my Latino brothers and sisters, man! Our folks just LOVE to give us saints’ names (My mom was ALMOST Ambrosia after St. Ambrose- no lie, and then there’s my cousin Altagracia!).
And us Dominicans are even worse: we like to combine the mom’s and dad’s name to name a child. Just ask my cousin Adelmis (named after her father Adelfo and mother Miladys).
Great post Leon! I totally agree. My parents gave me an authentic African name that has the same meaning in Arabic and Swahili. Not long ago, my mother expressed concern that she set me up for discrimination based on my name.
I am very proud of my “ethnic” name. However, I think some of that pride comes from having a name that has an actual history and meaning. My people need to stop playing syllabetic scrabble with these babies’ names!
I am proud of my “ethnic” name as well, but I have dealt with lots of discrimination. When I apply to jobs, I know the employers know I am a Black male. I think ethnics and ignorant are too different things though. My little brothers have kids in their classes names Adonis and Lamarie :(
There is a big difference between an authentic ethnic name and a made up name. Ashanti is a clan in Ghana, it has a meaning. Shaniqua is some made up ish! Folks need to stop getting creative with their kids names. Names should not have apostrophes in it.
i actually like the name Adonis i think you should name your child whatever the hell you want. lol its not like they cant change it later. im going to name my future kid if its a girl Viagra Latigre Allegra Turner and if its a boy its going to be Trey-la-vante Jamello Antonio-so Turner tell me that aint hot
LOL @ Ms Sarkastic!!!
My name is weird, also. Atleast to everybody who knows me. Everybody that knows my name says its a black girls name tho. How? I dunno, especially since my mom named me after a french white lady ( a stranger, go figure ). And why dont people ever pronounce it right? Janea. Janea, how hard is that? Its pronounced the same way you spell it! JA-NEA! I always get some idiot who pronounces it “Janeeuh” or “Jennay”. UGH. I cant say I hate it all that much tho, its better than having a typical spanish name.. like Vanessa, or Linda, or Marta, or… Marisol. EW lol
With my name, (which will not be disclosed-due to the job) sometimes I could tell by the initial facial expressions that the interviewer assumed that I was an Indian or a Middle Eastern female, and seeing a black female has threw them for a loop. It has helped in the past to at least get my foot in the door, and be considered but usually, I could tell right away if I had a serious chance or if my app was going to be tossed. Growing up with the name, I just resigned myself that most folks was going to make up their own version, but that did help me remember who I was dealing with when they called me.
I thought alot about that when I named my son. I was going to name him Khalil but then I thought about the CEO sitting at his desk reading Khalil Brown’s resume’ and passing it over. So I named my son Kaleb. I now have to worry about a white suprem. CEO looking at my son’s resume’ and passing it over because he thinks he’s Jewish.