It’s officially Halloween, so today’s subject matter contains all of the elements of a classic horror tale. Things are not always as they appear…There are unnatural creatures walking the Earth that were born 100% human, but are now…SOMETHING ELSE! Creatures altered by cutting edge science…Creatures that at first appear normal, then “AAAAAHHHH!” They turn around and hit you with that otherworldy suprise. These creatures are called…Ass-O-Lanterns!
In other words, women with butt implants.
A nice ass is a thing of beauty, and to quote the poet John Keats, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever; it’s lovliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.” Women who have been blessed in that area should cherish it as a gift from God, and try not to laugh too hard at the less-fortunate women of the world with sub-par booties.
Nowadays, more and more women are getting implants to give them the appearance of a big ass. I’m not a big fan of silicone asses, because they usually don’t look natural to me. I used to be that way about obviously fake breasts, but I pretty much got used to seeing them and eventually accepted them. I REFUSE to stand by and just accept fake asses! I love a naturally curvy woman, and I don’t want to feel like I’ve been hoodwinked or bamboozled by some woman and her Mad Scientist, I mean, rich plastic surgeon.
Actually, Kim Kardashian is my number 1 exception to this rule. I don’t know if she’s a confirmed implantee ot not, but even if she is, I’d still give her the business. I would dig for China in that vagina! My intent would be to hit it from the back so hard that I’d knock her silicone sideways!
To all the Ass-O-Lanterns not named Kim Kardashian, I beg you: If you’re going to get butt implants, please don’t get carried away! Just get enough to fill out. Don’t go to the doctor’s office and try to compete with Serena Williams! Especially if you’re really slim. It just won’t work. Medical technology is not that advanced, no matter what they try to tell you. You’ll get a bump back there, but it won’t fit with the slim hips. It’ll look awkward, like someone stuck two kiddie-sized kickballs in your behind and called it a day.
Once again, I cannot stress it enough: If you’re shopping for a new backside, please don’t try to get the ”SuperEthnic 5000 with Buffie the Body Action” model, when a “Slight Touch Up 200” would be perfectly adequate, and much more realistic. Also, I would like to request that any Ass-O-Lanterns in the DC area reading this, please contact me at HustlemanL77@yahoo.com because I want to know what a fake butt feels like. I promise that your identity and Ass-O-Lantern status will remain a closely-guarded secret. You never know…If it feels natural, I may get over being slightly wierded out by silicone butt cheeks.
*Halloween Bonus*
Since it’s Halloween, I suppose I should bring back and oldie-but-goodie: The Michael Jackson costume from a few years ago!
That was my real hair, too! I had cornrows at the time, so I took them out and put a bunch of mousse in there to simulate Mike’s 80′s jheri curl. Only thing is, it ended up looking more like Lionel Richie!
Oh yeah…I cropped my ex out of the picture, but only because her costume sucked. I swear it’s nothing personal!
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Kim Kardashian in Playboy:
http://www.thelifefiles.com/kim-kardashian-playboy-magazine-pics/
i feel you on that one too leon….i must say that is a fine specimen standing next to you in that pic….
pamoja!!!
This post had me dying. Kim is the truth and I’d hit that regardless of the implants or not. I’ve seen others and agree that most of them you can clearly tell that they are implants.
*plays Lionel Richie’s greatest hits*
You’ve convinced me not to get the surgery, even though I am the only Dominican female on the planet without a fly booty. I’ll just have to keep accentuating the twins LOL
Leon- your MJ costume is TOO funny!
RE: Kim in Playboy… DAYUM! I can’t hate on her…girl is working it…
As men we cannot simply stand by and allow fake backsides to become a thing of the norm. Like you, the fake breasts became common place so I got used to them. But I REFUSE to let science cheapen the perfection that is a nice @$$!!! Scientists first tried to discredit GOD in the creation of the world, now this…….. I could handle the BIG BANG theory, but fake @$$es….. I SIMPLY WILL NOT STAND FOR!!!
i think that all implants of any sort whether it be ass implants breast implants or lip or cheekbone implants are all just too much. i myself would never get any enhancements to my body that are man made. god made you the way you are for a reason. if he wanted you to have an ass like tracey ross then he would have gave it to you. everyone was not to meant to have a fat ass. use what you already have to get what you want. my body is just fine the way it is and if it aint enough for some dude then thats his loss. ……. just because you are a certain race does not mean that entitles you to a fat ass. i have seen some white girls with fatter booties than some black girls. love yourself and thats all that matters. SAY NO TO THE FAKE BOOTY!!!!!!
The women with you looks like Regina King. did you photo shop this pic?
Ass implants? God. Is there anything women won’t stuff nowadays? Kim Kardashian is a total hottie! I, just like you, don’t give a damn about implants on her.
that’s going in my spank bank;)
Glad I could provide spank fodder, Ms. Williams.