Lauren London, What’s up sweetheart? I don’t keep up with celebrity gossip, so I have no idea if you have a man, and if so, who he is. I do, however, know that you are fine. Not just any kind of fine, but high-grade fine. Finer than fine print! Finer than the line between love and hate…Wait a minute. That song said “It’s a thin line.” Well, you’re thin than a muhf*cka, too…but not too thin. Just right. With your sexy little dimples!
Enough with the pleasantries: Lemme just get down to the get-down. I want to be your trophy husband. I’m a perfect choice to be your oh-so-phenomenal piece of high-yellow, African-American man-candy. I’m intelligent, funny, easy on the eyes, and I clean up well. Your celebrity friends would love me! Behind closed doors, well…let’s just say…I’d give you what you need, and a whole lot of it. I can provide glowing references and testimonials. My soul pole was awarded a Nobel Prize for endearing contributions the female orgasm worldwide.
*Cueing the soft music*
Say baby, let’s stop playing games. I wrote a little something on King Magazine’s site expessing my intent to holler at you if granted the opportunity. Then, I started seeing commercials for “This Christmas” every time I cut the TV on. That’s when I decided to say the Hell with waiting for the chance! I’m going to talk my sh*t and see if I can’t make my own opportunity to get at you! I’m a go-getter, got-damn it!
That said, at this point, I have to leave the next move up to you. Once I push the “Publish” button, I can’t really express my infatuation any more, because it could be considered stalking in most states. I don’t want this heartfelt letter to be used as evidence in some sort of court case. Don’t have me fighing to protect my cornhole in prison. Let me fight to win your heart and give you immesurable pleasure!
So Lauren, if you believe in love…If you believe in miracles….If you believe in Santa Claus…I really don’t give a damn. I just want a chance to show you what I’m about! Ask anybody ’round these parts: The Hustleman don’t usually ask! the Hustleman TELLS. That said, I’m going the letter-writing route, since my aura may not shine through bright enough to make you believe that you should automatically do what I say. So I must respectfully ask you for a lovely evening of splendor and sh*t-talk. We can even go take salsa lessons now that my two-step has matured into a four-step. On that note, I’ll end this open letter. Call me!
Yeah, what you said…
She’s aiight. ::salty::
ok…. “protect my cornhole”???
*SO DEAD*…..
I’m gonna need some time to remove my soul from the rinse-cycle of destruction that you put it through every time I bring my behind over here to this site!
Jesus…my current boy toy is in love with her too!
Ahem!
Yes indeed. I cosign with what you said. She is #1 right now in my book. I am going to see This Christmas just because she is in it. I definitely would drink her bath water out of a champagne glass. She is definitely wife material.
i love lauren. i would suck the fart out of her ass! i would lick the lint out of her belly button. i watched ATL 27 times to be exact just so i can catch a glimpse of such raw beauty. she looks mad good and hustleman i will fight you over her…..and surely you will lose despite of your famous pimpslap.
ROFL!! I am so mad at the music!!!! SMH, Leon you are a damn mess!!!
I used to be her fan, but suddenly…not so much…LOL
this is funny as hell. lauren is a cutie though.
Is this the same Des that almost left me fr a homeless man? If so, you’re pretty much on Lauren’s level. That is about as good a compliment as it gets! ;)
TQB, stop hating!
@ Mahogany Brown, I thought the music was a nice touch!
@ Ms SarKastic, I love you for all the support you’ve shown me here, but I will go UFC on your ass and choke you out like a grown man with chest hair if you get in the way of me and Lauren London! Sorry for typing such nastiness, but some things, you just can’t sugar-coat :)
@ Big Home, we are in agreement.
@ Khaleela, I got something to help clear that throat of yours out…heh heh heh ;)
@ MyMy, your boy-toy has great taste.
@ Tiana, I’m sorry I’m sending your soal to Satan’s laudromat!
@ Caroline, we need to get you to an eye-doctor, my friend!
@ LeoninATL, I’m glad you agree. Once again, congratulations on post number 100!
nope its not me. ive been lurking and commenting for a while but not recently. wrong chick. :-) love is love though
this is funny you guys really love her. hahahaha yoooooo i swear i cant stop thinking about the guy who said hed suck the fart out her ass. you guys realize if she actuall read what you posted she would probably throw up and block ur comments. drink her bath water hahahaha. oh yes, i am a fan. but not obsesed