Yesterday was one of those days where things just seemed to fall in line with the way that I think they should be…I won’t go so far as to say it was a good day, since hanging out with the staff of the DC Improv the evening before caught up to me around 3PM. It took God, caffiene, an MP3 player blasting DMX, and three sets of push-ups to keep me awake those last 2 hours before quitting time. Still, I got some great news later on that evening after a post-work nap, which cancelled out my earlier struggle to keep my eyelids from betraying me.
So since the liklihood of me ever having to become the head of a ruthless criminal empire seems much lower now, I am going to play this song right here, since I’ll never have to go through that hustler’s fall from grace:
I was worried about Jay-Z from an artistic standpoint for a while since Kingdom Come wasn’t on par with what I’m used to from him, but he came back hard, like a boomerang thrown by Roger Clemens. From that last sentence, you can probably tell that it’s time for more randomness…I saw an article headline on Yahoo titled “Is She Attracted To Me?”
Of course, I said to myself “Yeah, she probably is attracted to me. Most women with functioning eyes and vaginas are.” Then again, my thoughts tend to be those of a smug, self-centered, sanctimonious son of a b*tch sometimes. The worst thought that I had came when I saw the author, David Wygant’s picture.
That’s when my inner monlogue said “What can this fake-ass Paul Rudd-looking guy tell me about some women?! Ol’ bead-neacklace wearing charlatan! How am I supposed to take this fool seriously when he’s posing for pictures wearing an elementary school macaroni link chain!”
The article made sense though, so I can’t call Mr. Wygant a charlatan or fraud. He pointed out some common-sense erors that many men make either thanks to nerves, lust or plain carelessness. Taking a step back, observing an listening makes a world of difference. Pay attention to the signs. A suggestive glance…crossing and uncrossing of legs…she grabs you by the back of the head, looks you in the eye and says “f*ck me like you don’t like me!”…You know. The little things. Besides, if Wygant can master romance to the point that he can attract women over the age of 10 while wearing a macaroni necklace, then maybe the rest of us guys should listen!
8-0
Hey, some folks need all the help they can get.
L
I agree Jay got his swagger back with this one. I’m addicted to that cd and I haven’t even heard all the songs yet. I’m too in love certain songs to go on to the next. Let That Bitch Breath is going to bust my Bose speakers in my car. I wonder if I could sue Jay-z for damages if that happens. I’m pretty sure some lawyer will take the case, and it’ll make it to court. Maybe I shouldn’t put that out in the universe. Because some idiot will be holding a press conference about how Jay-z’s song busting his speakers ruined his life and he wants $5,000,000 in damages…
And in regards to all those yahoo articles: Do You Deserve a Raise; Is it Time To Quit Your Job; Is Your Mate the Right One For You? I stopped reading those a long time ago. They’ll have you quitting good jobs; sticking it out in bad jobs; asking for raises, while simultaneously telling your boss that you think you’re work load should be reduced.
I haven’t harassed you in a few days so I thought I’d say hey…Happy Thanksgiving!
Loved your synopsis of the article!! Hilarious as usual!
How can one not know if someone is attracted to them though? THAT is my question.
Functional eyes and vaginas huh?
Well I think you are attractive, but I’m attracted to you. Where’s your cuzzin T? LOL
Ooops left out a key word….NOT. I’m NOT attracted to you!
Your stealing lines now?…huh? huh?
@ Lee, stop faking. You know you used to want a piece of me something terrible! I’ll probably see T today, so I’ll tell him you said hello ;)
@ Khaleela, Shut’cho ponk ass up. :)
@ Opinionated Diva, it’s possible. Unlikely, but possible.
@ Courtney, Happy Thanksgiving!
@ Marleaux, that’s funny. Yahoo will fuck your life up if you let it!
@ Lola, true