Billy Dee Williams Facts

Chuck Norris may be the baddest of all badasses, but Billy Dee Williams is far and away the smoothest lover-man to ever walk God’s Green Earth! Even slightly greater than, yours truly! If your woman was the recipient of this look right here:

…then Billy Dee Williams was most likely the recipient of her vagina later on that night. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the facts:     

• Billy Dee Williams does not use any hair care products. He sweet-talks his hair, and it lays on it’s back without hesitation.

• Billy Dee Williams once impregnated a can of Colt 45…with a mere gaze!

• When consumed in the presence of Billy Dee Williams, Colt 45 no longer tastes like shitty corner store malt liquor. It takes on the flavor of expensive champagne.

• The Virgin Mary was allegedly saving herself for an evening with Billy Dee Williams, but God had other plans.

• Billy Dee Williams was born with a condom on.

• Billy Dee Williams discovered Sasquatch during a hunting trip, convinced him to shave, then enrolled him in acting classes. He is now known to the world as Brad Garrett.

• Billy Dee Williams is like a sexual Santa Claus: He sees you when you’re skeeting….He knows if you’re a skank…He knows if your stuff’s bad or good, so be good for Billy Dee’s sake!

• Billy Dee Williams sold his soul to Satan, but Satan gave it back, fearing Billy Dee would come to Hell and steal all of his hoes from him.

• 19,998 of the 20,000 women that Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept with were Billy Dee’s sloppy-seconds.

• God originally issued 11 Commandments, the last being “Thou shalt aspire to be like Billy Dee Williams someday”, but Moses was a player-hater and conveniently left that one out.

• Billy Dee Williams’ sweat is glow-in-the-dark…but he’s too cool to sweat. You’ll just have to take my word on this one.

• Billy Dee Williams is so cool, his entrance into any room on Earth is preceded by a slight breeze.

• Billy Dee Williams rewrote the Kama Sutra in order to help couples around the world make love “The Billy Dee Way.”

• Billy Dee Williams’ voice is so smooth, he recorded a multiplatinum selling album that consisted of him reading the “B” section of the phone book with smooth jazz playing in the background.

• Billy Dee Williams is too suave for the internet, because it only slows him down. His swagger travels at the speed of light.

• If your mother is at least 18 years old, there is an 92.7% chance that she’s had sex with Billy Dee Williams, or at least entertained the thought at some point in her life.

• Billy Dee Williams speaks fluent tang.

• Billy Dee Williams likes hanging out with Chuck Norris. That way, if he wants to seduce a man’s wife, Chuck can deliver a thunderous roundhouse kick to the guy, thus making her a widow. Then, Billy Dee will proceed to comfort her with some sweet lovemaking in this difficult time.

• Billy Dee Williams is so cool, he could tell people to start calling him William Dee Williams and the world would respect his wishes.

• There is no such thing as “rape” in Billy Dee Williams’ world. If Billy Dee humped you, YOU WANTED THAT SHIT!

• In Latin, the name Billy Dee Williams translates to mean “Lord of the Wang.”

• Your new girlfriend is old news to Billy Dee Williams.

See what I’m saying? Make sure you forward this entry to everybody that you know. I want this list to do the same thing for Billy Dee Williams’ career that the Chuck Norris list did for his!