The Elements of Good P*ssy
Posted by ListenToLeon on
January 8, 2008
Last week, a commenter here asked me to clarify what constitutes good p*ssy. Basically, to define what makes a man say that a certain girl has that good stuff. I cannot claim to speak for all men, because what works for some does not work for others. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and vice versa, depending on his likes and dislikes.
While these differences exist, I have compiled a universal list of attributes that most men on Earth would agree are descriptive of good p*ssy. These factors separate the incredible from the average. The contenders from the pretenders. The snappy nappy from the raggedy slappy. Good p*ssy is defined by various combinations of these qualities:
Consistency – The overall feel says a lot. Some men like it super tight, others, nice and firm. Usually, a woman is good as long as her stuff is not too loose. There has to be some sort of soft, yet steady friction there. If sex with you feels similar to penis spelunking in some dark, dank cavern…with stallagtites, stallagmites, bats, echoes and those flesh-eating night creatures from The Descent, then you’re stuff probably is NOT of the good variety.
Lubrication – Moisture is a good thing. It doesn’t have to gush like a fountain(although some guys are into that). Just stay wet enough for intercourse to be comfortable and enjoyable for both parties. This factor also falls on the guy, since it’s usually directly correlated to how turned on a woman is at the moment.
Creativity/Enthusiasm – Do it like you mean it! Do it like you love it! Give it to your partner in ways that make the Kama Sutra paintings look tame! Good p*ssy doesn’t just get hit from the back. Good p*ssy fights back! Good p*ssy is not lazy and does more than just lay down. Good p*ssy will lay you down if you’re not careful! Have you curled up in bed, hiding your nipples under the covers…thinking about making life changes.
Maintenance – Some people like for their tang to have some hair. Others prefer baldies. One thing ALL folks will agree on, is that the vaginal region should be clean and inviting whenever possible. No foul odors eminating from within. No Ben Wallace afros bursting loose once the draws come off. No unsightly blemishes that belong on one of those Scared Straight-style sex-ed videos that colleges show you when you’re a freshman to scare you into using a condom. Just be good to the meat curtains, and they’ll be good to you. Trim the hegdes, clean the front yard, and try not to put too much wear and tear on that bad boy…
The Grip Factor – This is where the term “Snatch” came from. The reason why every woman reading this should be doing Kegel excercises at her desk, RIGHT NOW! The Grip Factor is when good p*ssy tightens up on command and kind of grabs hold of the d*ck by itself. The best example of this is when it involuntarily happens when a female is brought to orgasm. Any man who has been there will tell you: being inside a woman with that SNAPPER when she’s at the height of passion is, for lack of a clinical term, THE SH*T! Sometimes the combination of those orgasmic spasms, the grip, and the wetness might cause the wang to get pushed out, but it’s totally worth it. Just slide back in and enjoy the ride!
There you have it. Some attributes are God-given. Others, can be achived through dedication and effort. I hope this answered the question for all those who were curious.
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70 Responses to “The Elements of Good P*ssy”
More than anything… the labels on this post are hilarious!
By Diva527 on Jan 8, 2008
Your myspace teaser said p*…I was hoping it was pudding….ah well…lol
By Wonderlove on Jan 8, 2008
those kegel excersises work wonders.
real talk
By dee-lish on Jan 8, 2008
Um does anybody else’s good p*ssy make weird sounds when there’s too much air in it?
If so does anyone else giggle like a girl when they hear those um “garggle” sounds coming from said good p*ssy
Also shouldn’t a woman inform you that her good p*ssy tendes to make noises from time to time so don’t pull out and scream, “WTF was that”
ok that’s just me
By Virgle Kent on Jan 8, 2008
Oh lawd. But, yeah I agree Kegals do work wonders!
By Candy on Jan 8, 2008
Aiiiight… now that you’ve addressed this issue, we need to discuss something more important… The Elements of Good Head. In my opinion, it’s easier to find good p***y than good head. Skullastics require a lot more skill and most importantly, the woman’s desire and love of performing. I’ll look forward to your breakdown on that subject.
By G. Mo on Jan 8, 2008
I am officially your number 1 fan after this…lmao
By Velocity Magazine Editor on Jan 8, 2008
i do kegels all day and it really works. i didnt know that there was a name for it though. it feels like my second time having sex every time! lol
queefs are embarrassing. i dont know why but they make me feel like i did something bad. my queefs sound like real 30 year old man farts (no offense leon) and its just not sexy to hear durin sex. i start gigglin to ease the embarrasment i dont want whoever im having sex with to think that im farting up a storm durin his thrustin but what can you do?
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 8, 2008
oh skullastics lets talk about that one!
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 8, 2008
just when I think, “Leon has reached the epitome of crazy,” I read this:
The snappy nappy from the raggedy slappy
LMAO!!!!
By The Jaded NYer on Jan 8, 2008
Might I ad durability or endurance to your list. Aint nothing worse than going round 2 or 3 and the pussy feel like its glued shut.
By Cincy on Jan 8, 2008
If we r going to discuss “Skulltastics” then the ladies need 2 contribute to defining the “Olymplicks”. Cuz there are vital skills and important elements that many people miss completely.
By The Common Share on Jan 8, 2008
Thanks Leon!
G.Mo took the words right out of my mouth (you like that innuendo) – what makes good head. I went through the list and checked myself off as exceeding each point plus some for the good p*ssy. Feedback has told me that the head game is well above average, as is the “snatch”. I just want to know if my “tricks” align with your criteria.
Oh and I agree – Kegels does wonders – both parties benefit!!!
By VRenee on Jan 8, 2008
So many things have sent me to grave and back this morning:
Just looking down further in the post and seeing the word “consistency” as it relates to p*ssy. I had to giggle at that; sounds like a wine expert;
“…snappy nappy from the raggedy slappy.”;
“…skullastics…”;
“…Olymplicks.”
Dead. Just… dead.
By Alove on Jan 8, 2008
Yeah, I gotta third (fourth?) the genius of the snappy nappy line…and props for realizing it’s the dude’s fault when the girl isn’t wet.
By Lemmonex on Jan 8, 2008
Great timing! I just watched Chris Rock’s Never Scared and he talks about how after you’re married you get v_gina but never p_ssy again!
By Zen on Jan 8, 2008
Don’t be p*ssy whoop! You got to Whoop that p*ssy! BANG! BANG! BANG!
By Jimmy on Jan 8, 2008
guys dont understand that just because their d*cks get hard everytime the wind blows a girl does not get wet right off the bat sometimes. i cant speak for every girl out there but if he does what he needs to do correctly then there is no worry about natural lubrication.
i dont mean to shimmy my own t*ts but just like vrenee said i’ve gotten nothing but great feedback on my skills in both areas. men need to get their p*ssy chomping skills up too but i’ve never gotten bad head before there is always room for perfection.
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 8, 2008
LMAO! Excellent post. An instant classic. You HAVE to do one about “singing on the mic”…errr skullastics…if you haven’t already. And carpet munching too. LOL. Enquiring minds want to know.
By kayellejaye on Jan 8, 2008
Hahahaha! Okay dammit! I got my laughter for the day. Only you would come up with some shit like this.
By NstntVntage on Jan 8, 2008
I’m going to do one for skullastics, a.k.a. good head, since it’s requested. Only this time, I want your help. Especially since so many of you ladies claim to be good head-givers…lol.
E-mail me at leon@listentoleon.net with what you feel makes for some good head. Also, leave a URL to your blog, website, myspace page, or whatever, so I can give you proper credit for your contribution to the entry.
By Hustleman on Jan 8, 2008
Leon, this post must go into the Hustleman Hall of Fame! I have been entertained on soooo many levels! I once “flexed” my Kegel skills for a brother and he asked me “how did you do that?” He obviously wasn’t as knowledgeable as you… Lol.
Thanks to you and the commenters for expanding my vocab today… skullastics, olymplicks, and my favorite- “singing on the mic”, are all new to these virgin ears. LMAO!
By dark & stormy on Jan 8, 2008
This post is the second testament as to why your blog is the devil. LMAO!
By City Girl on Jan 8, 2008
: APPLAUDS :
By KraZy34th on Jan 8, 2008
Nail on the head Leon!!!
My girl got all the above, needless to say I’m gonna marry her soon.(luckily she’s also a caring sweet person with all the other attributes that makes a man settle down)
Fellas: don’t sleep on the Kegel Olympics. Not just for the ladies. Made me a rare breed lover between the sheets ya heard ; ) F**k the “Lex pullout”. Kegels keep me in there for overtime
By Bighands3000 on Jan 8, 2008
Sometimes there’s a time and place for the old school Ben Wallace. It’s a classic, a throwback if you will. You know Pam Grier probably had one of those joints in her heyday.
By T on Jan 8, 2008
Well leon you have done it cause now you’ve opened pandoras box And I’m about to start some SSSSHHHHHYYYYt First of all leon i need a min to call Ms. SarKastic out some where she said ” men need to get their p*ssy chomping skills up ”
U said u havent gotten bad SKULLY But How Do youKnow you Havent Given Bad MULLDER
By Godfather168 on Jan 8, 2008
cooter – LMAO
By skoolboi_krush on Jan 8, 2008
hey i have to agree with bighands. you men have kegels too. and we likey likey when we’re laying there with you inside us not moving but you’re still moooooooooving. THAT’s hot.
By tash on Jan 8, 2008
Your post has become both hilarious and educational! I WILL be contributing to the Skullastics entry. (no, not that way!)
Oh, and my soul is returning the rinse cycle of destruction for that “raggedy slappy” comment!
*adds fabric softener and prays that Satan presses the “delicates” button*
By tiana danielle on Jan 8, 2008
OMG!!! This entire post and the comments had me cracking up. people are looking at me crazy at work right now. Kegels definitely do the job. I had to do them after I had my daughter and they work wonders. Thank for the vocabulary lesson as well.
By Bored-N-Talkative on Jan 9, 2008
Queef:Vaginal flatulence (flatus vaginalis in Latin) is an emission or expulsion of air from the vagina, often during or after sexual intercourse or (less often) other sexual acts, stretching or exercise. The sound is somewhat comparable to flatulence from the anus but does not involve waste gases and thus often has no specific odor associated.
By Sasha on Jan 9, 2008
yep has to be able to handle 9.5 by 6 inches tightly if u aked me……I have another take on the primaries America…. poor mr or mrs next president
By rawdawgbuffalo on Jan 9, 2008
godfather168 im very good at what i do thank you very much. i enjoy what i do and i’ve never gotten any complaints. always happy customers i dont mean that literally. when it comes to suckin d*ck excuse my french i know it like a pastor knows his work. i didnt mean for my statement to call out all men because that was not my intention i meant to say some men. because there are alot of guys who DO know what they are doing and there are alot of guys who DONT from what i hear. which category do you fall in?
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 9, 2008
Ladies, ladies, ladies – Kegels are not the end of it, you have to learn how to ripple your walls from the top down, pls believe me when I say this has never ever failed to cause either a look of shock or complete denial that it happened to him and is normally followed by the words “I swear this has never happen to me so fast before”
By Passion on Jan 9, 2008
And there are just some guys who are just plain lazy, and half assed about it. You gotta put your back (tonugue/mouth) into it. Im not scared to train their a$$es tho. “They gotta learn. They gotta learn” (from my Uncle Bernie)
By VRenee on Jan 9, 2008
thats where i was gettin at
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 9, 2008
Passion – Im with you. Kegels is just the beginning. You have to learn to work each set of muscles. Isolate and tone. It takes time to get their, but it’s very rewarding.
“I swear this has never happen to me so fast before”
By VRenee on Jan 9, 2008
Y’all talk a whole lot of sh*t…lol
By Hustleman on Jan 9, 2008
leon should know about talkin shit lol he’s the king of it!
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 9, 2008
* I meant to add hilarious after the quote
By VRenee on Jan 9, 2008
Come on Leon, you never had to hit a woman with that “I’ll be back in a few minutes” speech? You ain’t got ta lie Craig!
By Passion on Jan 9, 2008
What is a tang? I actually learned how to do Kegels when I was pregnant and they are very effective. You know what also helps….taping yourself having sex. You’ll see what you did and didn’t do later and learn from it…………………..ok it actually doesn’t help but it’s fun and keeps things spiced up……………………ok i just like making movies….geesh
By Khaleela on Jan 9, 2008
^^^^
CHURCH!
By Cincy on Jan 9, 2008
Yo Leon… I know I asked for Part II – The Elements of Good Head and you’re workin’ on that one. But can we make this into a weekly Elements series or somethin’? How bout The Elements of the Perfect Home Porno, The Elements of Public Sex or The Elements of Food & Freakin’??? Not everybody knows how to use a tripod, a store dressing room or a bowl of strawberries & whipped cream ya know? Trust that you’ll get a rack of folks out here ready to drop their knowledge.
By G. Mo on Jan 9, 2008
@ G. Mo, you are on to something!
Plus, at least that way, my momma will know which days to COMPLETELY AVOID looking at the blog! LOL
By Hustleman on Jan 9, 2008
Passion…. how do you ripple your walls from the top down. Enquiring minds would LOVE to know. LOL
By Simply Simple on Jan 9, 2008
those of you interested in kegels and such must see the following link:
http://www.bellydancersofcolor-shop.com/jaegforwoset.html
By milkmayun on Jan 9, 2008
Ok, I hope this doesn’t go too far…
If you have done Kegels before you know the muscle when you squeeze up, so start with that, start from the bottom (I can’t believe I’m about to type this) with opening and closing your special hole, LOL, then you begin to try to control it as it goes up, then do the same thing coming down, its like a ripple.
By Passion on Jan 9, 2008
Sorry Leon to go astray but Ms. SarKastic the Answer to your Question Is in the Name DAGODFATHER ” 168 ” aint for my weight I’m A MASTER OK, Cause I LOVE IT WHEN WOMAN TRIES TO HOLD BACK THAT SEXUAL ERUPTION ,ITS FUNNY YOUR LEGS START TO TREMBLE AND SPASAM THEN YOU LOOK AND SAY I TAP . LOVE TO MAKE’EM TAP . BUT I WONDER MS. SARCASTIC WHAT ROUND WOULD YOU TAP OUT IN …… I GIVE YOU ROUND 2 AND THATS JUST A GIMME CAUSE YOU COULDNT GO LONGER THAN ..
By Godfather168 on Jan 9, 2008
A G MO dont for get the Mangos
By Godfather168 on Jan 9, 2008
Wow. Just…WOW.
By Mahogany Brown on Jan 9, 2008
you are as sure of yourself as i am sure of myself godfather168 and if you can make me or any other woman do that then more power to you. but i know the type of [sexual deviant] woman i am and trust me i wont be tappin out anytime soon. we cud sit here all day and say what we cud and cud not do. that wud be pointless. what i do know is that im head stong lol according to you ur like the messiah of pussy eatin or something so i guess thats all there is to say
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 10, 2008
I say you two get together offline and f*ck it out!
Then again, after all the shit both of y’all talked, I guess you’d have to film it so the world will know the true victor of this Clash of the Sexual Titans!
…well, that, and get an excuse to watch home-made porn inspired by my site! LOL
By Hustleman on Jan 10, 2008
leon what happened to our movie?
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 10, 2008
We’re still working out the details, Ms. Sarkastic.
…Actually, I’ll go ahead and sleep with you(for research purposes, of course), then come back here and give a dissertation on the goodness of your vaginal region. How does that sound?
By Hustleman on Jan 10, 2008
sounds good…but are you going to sleep with godfather too? you know for research purposes lol
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 10, 2008
FUCK NO!
Now you’re just talking CRAZY!
By Hustleman on Jan 10, 2008
nah im just jokin with you. but sure whenever ur in brooklyn…u cud be my sugar daddy for the night lol your about 10 years my senior but its all good
By Ms. SarKastic on Jan 10, 2008
YOU REALLY GOT JOKES Ms. SarKastic , YOU SHOULD GO TO THE APOLLO BUT ANYWAY .. NO I DIDNT SAY I WAS MASSIAH Ms. SarKastic YOU DID AND I THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT
By Godfather168 on Jan 10, 2008
~co-signing tash~ yes indeed! yes indeed!
By crys on Jan 10, 2008
Looks like you have a lot of experience with women Leon. This post got an unusually high number of comments. I wonder why?
By Leon on Jan 16, 2008
this shit is hilarious & u r hitting on something cause i took a survey from about 100 guys 10 years ago when i heard my cousins talking about some women & they were saying that one woman P*&^% was the bomb, & the other womans was dudu. So i wanted to know exactly what determines that, & they actually said most of the things listed here
By quietstorm on Jan 29, 2008
Omg! Kegels work wonders and if your are blessed to have good P and good H then you are straight.
Some women just have that gift and we tend to know how to use those gifts.
By Chyna on Feb 12, 2008
When you talk about giving head, you should mention that men need to wash that stuff before they try sticking it in somebody’s mouth. We don’t want any “foul odors eminating” from the penis. That’s why I don’t eat chitlins…I don’t want any stanky stuff in my mouth!!! I can’t suck stanky balls either. MEN, WASH YOUR BALLS, PLEASE.
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Kegel exercises work! I’mma witness!
By Tiffanye on Jul 4, 2009
Thats cool. I agree, that was a good post!
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