Skullastic Aptitude Test

Or in other words: Do you suck a good d*ck?

This is the follow up entry to my highly popular entry about The Elements of Good P*ssy from about two weeks ago. The responses were overwhelming, so I have compiled a questionnaire to help let women know if their head game is good or not. The following questions are compiled from my dealings with women who gave incredible head, as well as the many contributions you readers.     

Are you paying attention to your partner? This one sounds like a given, but judging by the number of inattentive lovers in the world, it has to be said. Sounds, facial expressions and uncontrolled movements have a way of letting you know if what you’re doing feels good.

Do you understand that teeth were created to rip things apart? Sometimes, if it’s gentle, a little bit of teeth making contact is not so bad…but usually, tooth-to-wang contact is quite unpleasant. Use your teeth to chew your food, not shred up some poor fellow’s d*ck.

Do you like the ?Twinkie as well as the creme filling? This is a direct quote from G. Mo: “If you don’t like creme filling… why would you eat a Twinkie???? You know damn well that once you get to the center, that you’re gonna have to taste the creme filling. That’s not rocket science. However, I suppose that there are women who eat around the Twinkie and subsequently drop the creme filling on the floor. But in regards to Elements of Good Head and what makes the experience outstanding. I’m pretty damn sure that most men prefer a woman who love Twinkies. A woman who doesn’t
just mind the creme filling… but one who craves it!!!!

Seriously though, stop living in fear of the skeet. I’ve seen women all of a sudden turn into Neo from the Matrix, dodging shots in order to keep their hair untouched. Here’s an experiment for you ladies worried about that: The day before your next hair appointment, suck someone’s d*ck. Then, allow him to let go all over your face and hair. That way, you’ll see that it’s not the end of the world, and you don’t have to worry about your hair falling out in skeet-stained clumps.

Plus, if you’re afraid of swallowing, make your man adjust his diet, because they say that affects the way it tastes. I have no idea about that, but I guess oyu could Google it or something. I can’t speak for all men, but I know I’d adjust my diet if it meant more blowjobs!

Do you show love to the balls and areas around the wang? I personally have sensitive balls. That’s probably too much information…but just in case any of you ladies is harboring any secret plans to seduce me and give me the best head imaginable, now you know that licking/sucking on the balls is a good thing. GENTILE licking and sucking, that is. Balls are fragile, like eggs…One overly-aggressive false move, and you could turn the strongest man on Earth into a helpless b*tch with tears in his eyes.

Also, you might want to kiss/lick the thighs, stomach and various other areas before getting down to business(business being, the d*ck and balls), to kind of heighten anticipation.

Do you keep up the momentum? When you go to different areas over the course of the blowjob, like licking erogenous zones that aren’t the f*ck stick, make sure you continue to jerk him off or something to keep the momentum going. Otherwise, you could be in for a long night, and a case of lockjaw.

If you venture towards the ‘taint‘, do you exercise discretion? The area called the perineum, also known as the “taint” (‘taint the balls, and it ‘taint the ass) is a very sensitive one, but it’s in dangerous terrain. Tread lightly, and use caution before approaching. I personally don’t mind a woman hitting the ‘taint…but if she goes any lower, we’re gonna have problems! In college, this one chick licked my taint, then put hr tongue on my ass. I think one of my long-lost ancestors must have been in the penitentiary or something, because my inherent first reaction was to kick my leg(which somehow by the grace of God missed her head) and yell “AAAAYYY!! WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING?!” I felt violated like a motherf*cker…Plus all chances of her getting kissed goodnight went out the window.

So ladies, you might want to ask if your dude is into ass-play before venturing past the ‘taint. I don’t want any of you getting throat-chopped for nothing.

Have you ever “Taken it to the head”? Even if you don’t know how to deep-throat, try doing it from time to time. Best case scenario, you are able to take it all in, and you impress your partner. Worse-case scenario, you gag and tell him that you can’t get it all in, which is an automatic ego-booster to any man alive with a penis. So either way, you can’t lose.

Are you keeping it wet. Most men would rather have a sloppy, spitty blowjob, than a dry, friction-ed one. Not saying you have to be messy, but keep it interesting and moisturize your situation.

How much eye-contact do you make? Occasional eye-contact. Not CONSTANT eye-contact, because that’s just creepy. Just look up from time to time, because it’s sexy.

Do you enjoy it? If you honestly enjoy giving head, let it show! Be creative, and get into it as much as possible. That nonchalant, “I’m doing YOU a favor” attitude is not a good thing. You must find your own pleasure in the fact that you’re doing the pleasing for someone that turns you on. You can try to fake it, but it’ll never be the same as someone who 100% loves to please, as well as be pleased. So if your one of the lazy or selfish ones, it’s time for an attitude adjustment!

Basically, the answer for all of these is pretty much Yes, or Yes to a certain extent…so now you’re all capable of becoming A-Grade head-givers, if you’re not already there. This weekend ladies, I want you to get together with that special someone, read this entry with him, then BREAK HIM THE F*CK OFF!!! Use what you’ve learned, then write back and let me know if he got out of bed to make you a sammich, if he cooked you breakfast like in the movie Love Jones, of if you had to call the police because the guy just flat-out refused to leave your apartment! All updates can be sent to leon@listentoleon.net or HustlemanL77@yahoo.com.

*Acknowlegements*
Thanks to G.Mo, Ms. Sarkastic, Common Share, and all others who sent in tips. To the others who responded, let me know if you want your respective blogs linked on here. I know some people like to keep their expertise low-profile!